Now that formalities are done, here's one for you.
This is a very pretty little ditty. Quite cute I must admit. You've done a good job here but the suggestions I'm about to make are strictly pet peeves of mine and are only things to consider.
Unless you're using repition as a part of your format I'm usually against it.
Dear heart of mine listen to me
Just trust your heart and come to me.
Untame your heart completely
I just feel like that's too many hearts in too short a span. May a "just trust your soul" would work maybe not?
Give your love to reign free.
Dear love, do this for you and me
How tantalizing love can be
Again just a few too many loves in too few lines, perhaps the Dear Love could be removed and it would still be workable?
And one last observation before I go, all but three lines of this poem end with either me, or be. I'd suggest leave the "see" at the beginning but maybe find a way to make the rest of this mesh using me and be. For me it just breaks the flow (although still rhyming).
First allow me to say that I admire your courage. Survivors of all types of terrible situations, family abuse, rape, molestation, drug abuse, and the list goes on for longer than my kind soul would care to acknowledge, are some of the strongest people to walk the earth.
I have experienced my own margines of pain; I love to see the strength and hope of others who have endured and walked through the mire to come out clean and uplifted on the other side.
This poem was beautiful, very emotion filled. I could tell as reading it that you had endured and were not just idly stiching words together to show exagerated emotions. The words touched me and seemed to (it may be a strange way to put it) but sauntered rhythmically in a pattern that seemed to dance through my mind as I read this poem.
Wonderful piece and a beautiful way to help inspire others who have suffered.
Most assuredly it is a wonderful thing to be able to, as they say, take the bad with the good. This was such a beautiful piece that you have dedicated to those who have helped you grow as a person despite their own and your own personal suffering. It is truly inspiring.
My mother said only, "Because there is not a darkness. Not to me. Not in front, not behind. I'm surrounded by light on this side and there. Those who love me are in both places."
This is quite possibly one of the most beautiful lines I have ever read. Your mother must have been an amazing person to have spawned a family such as the one you have described.
I also want to give my condolences to all who have suffered such tragedies as the ones described but I thank you for showing me that it is possible for the human spirit to endure even duress which would other wise destroy. To me the gleaming essence of this piece is that hope is always abound if only you are willing to embrace it.
Simply put,
Thank you
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