However maybe "doth" could be replaced with "does."
And the sentence that says " When we seem notup to the task" could be worded a little differently. It is the only part that I had trouble grasping with the flow of the poem.
I loved this story. It was great. So intriguing and suspenseful. I agree with people being the real monsters we have to worry about. The plot was great, the wording just right. Emotion was invoked and even though a fictional story some can still relate to it in their own lives.
Hat's off to you for such an imagination to come up with this story from a real event.
Keep up the good work. I was drawn into the story as if living it as well.
I liked this piece very much, especially the part about the "names just to mention a few". Some things were a little hard to put together as I was reading. Maybe if you separated your sentences a little more and bringing more coherence to it. Example at the end of your stanza's you leave us with "provider, healer and shepherd". Try other words that will lead the people to the main thought behind the stanzas. I did view this with tears though. Thank you for a good read. Keep writing you're doing great.
This is an excellent piece. Good writing. I would suggest though tightening the wording up some. Just a little for example take out some of the "ands" also in your sentence where it says "The ultimate sacrifice he had made to keep them from their doom", try taking out the word "had". Also in this sentence "His simple excuse was that the story was the same as yesterday’s." try taking out the word that. What this will do is make your writing come more alive and be more active instead of passive. You have a great piece here. Work with it and it will come out beautifully. Keep writing.
This piece is very revealing of your heart and emotion in such a time as this. I can relate to this because I was adopted and I am now an adult adoptee. I never knew my mother and so many questions go unanswered. Both my real mother and my adoptive mother are dead now and so the hole in my heart remains with me to this day. I will never know enough to forgive, but I have forgiven in spite of my pain and unknowing. I wish you the best and may God fill that void with his love, grace and mercy. I know this is not probably the review you were looking for but this is the way it has touched my heart today. I still mourn for the things I do not know and will never know.
This is awsome. I like this very much. You know this would be good in a children's book or even a book for teenagers. I love the way you connect but yet don't connect with the names of the bible. Iy sounds like a personal convition mixed with the publicity of the names of the bible. Good style and rhythm.
This piesce was a little confusing to me. I had trouble following the theme of the prose. The verses are wonderful but they need more connection to the underlying theme. I felt I was kind of all over the place. I read each verse as a separate instead of a constant flow. The prose is beautiful though. Keep up the good work and keep writing. I really did like this prose.
I can feel your emotion in this poem and your passion of what to do. I had a little trouble following your wording to the end. I was not sure where we going to end up at the end of this poem. I appreciate your wording though because it is the raw emotion of what you are seeing and feeling. Try to make it a little more friendly and easier to relate or you can leave it as is becuase it is what you feel so raw and painful.
This is a very emotional poem. It grips my heart to the point of tears only because I can relate to that feeling on the inside. It brings to light what the heart really feels. The poem is very real and authentic but best of all even when we don't think there is any hope left inside of us, some how, some way it shows up on your door step at the end. Good work and good discription words.
Hello Cat!
I did like your poem but was a little confused about who the narator was talking to. I sense you are trying to ge a point across about being who you are.
The flow of it is a little choppy, the words you chose and the way they fit in this poem. I also think you could have ended it at "No "people like" you". The rest sounds a little harsh and angry. I am not sure what I am to take away from this poem.
Maybe try mentioning the uniquness of being an individual and conncting it to your sub heading.
It is a wonderful poem, keep working with it, It has a lot of passion and feeling. We want people to feel the passion, not be intimidated by it.
Good luck
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