Thank you for a great read. This story reminded me of the folk tales I've read as a young person.
The plot was believable. Setting suited the story and the characters were clearly drawn. The stars in the sky foreshadowed the ending.
Spelling and grammar - no issues.
I really enjoyed this.
First, let me say that this critique is just my own opinion. Please take what works for you and ignore the rest.
I enjoyed the read, thank you for posting it.
There were no issues with grammar or spelling.
The pace is good. I was not tempted to skip over a sentence or a paragraph.
The sentence, "I had just the leisurely route in mind for a cool autumn evening." is a bit awkward and might be rewritten to flow more smoothly, or even leave it out and go one to the next sentence. That reads a bit better to me.
At the beginning, we are told something of the rider, "In college you are grateful to have any bike." So we have a general age for him.
The descriptions of the events that take place are believable.
There could be more descriptions of the scenery and the temperatures as night descends.
The final paragraph sums up the rider's experiences and offers a thought that draws on the Bible verse at the beginning. A good effort that should only improve with small rewrites.
Thank you for letting me read this part of your story. Take what I have to say if it works, and leave the rest. This is my personal opinion only.
First, the beginning paragraph sets the tone and is well written, I think, with those quick short sentences. The reader is immediately pulled into what is happening.
The story moves at a good pace. At no time was I tempted to skip a sentence or a paragraph.
The descriptions of the characters that Sean reveals are well done.
I was not sure what was happening, though, as the baby arrived in the piece. I think that part, revealing the characters, may need a bit more work to show us who they are - or perhaps that will come later in the story.
I do think that the character of Dr. Benson is a bit stereotyped and I was not that interested in him. Have you thought of making him a woman maybe, not that I am trying to change your story! That is up to you!
This is my first review, as a newish member here. Please note that as a new reviewer, I may miss important points!
I read through this story, and found myself immediately identifying with this character. It has been many, many years since I was in this situation, but reading it brought back some unhappy memories. That is a good thing as I sympathized with the character.
There were a few typos - missed words I think, but nothing major. Examples "your dad cracks a few jokes to wake and you laugh a little." and "The teacher puts in another group".
Overall, a very good read, and keep up the good work! Is there a part two? I would like to read part two!
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