I really like the contrast between the red-headed boy in the beginning and Orlando later. The first boy works really well as a character foil to Orlando. I also like the happy ending :)
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors so excellent job with that. You also did a wonderful job with detail.
Over all, this is a well written, sweet story. I'm really glad that I got the chance to read it.
There is only one grammatical error. You wrote or typed rather, "soal" instead of soul. I really like your poem. Do you plan on writing more? If you do, I'd be more than happy to read the rest.
I like the meaning of the poem and how it ends on a sweet note. You have one spelling error, and one grammatical error. Spelling error: line 10 "excuse" not "ecsue." Grammatical error: also line 10 >assuming you edit the spelling in this line... "I'm sorry I won't excuse anymore you do," 1. Why are you sorry for that? 2. anymore what? I did enjoy reading this poem otherwise. Also, there does not appear to be a rhyme scheme or a certain rhythm to the poem. Breaking the "I'm sorry" pattern towards the end is okay. When you do it towards the top with line 4, it is also okay. But, if you aren't using a particular rhyme or rhythm scheme, you could combine lines 3 and 4 into one line. Otherwise, I did enjoy this poem. Thanks for sharing and write on!
I love how you tied the specific idea of a rose into your prolouge. You draw in the readers just enough to get them interested and wanting more of your story. This is an excellent prolouge. There is only one grammatical error. You wrote "Not to long ago,..." it is supposed to be "too." Otherwise you did a wonderful job. I'm looking forward to reading your book, "Silence." Good luck and great job!
That was so interesting. I like the ending about the Christmas Spirit. What I learned from this, is that there is a little bit of evil in every one and Evil can't conquer Cristmas. I enjoyed reading this very much! - Lady Dragoness
I loved this so much. I know how you feel!!! Did you see the movie, The Brothers Grimm? That movie is about Rapunzel and plenty of other fairy tales, except for the good guys do win, but I thought you might find it interesting because in this movie the origional good guys, from the fairy tales, are actually the bad guys. I would say that this movie may be scary for anyone under twelve and if they are twelve they shouldn't be faint hearted (easily scared) otherwise I loved this statement, because sometimes I also want the bad guys to win! For school I wrote a story about Hansel and Gretel and how the witch was just being picked on by bratty little Hansel and Gretel. The witch didn't actually die in the oven, and the kids were actually kicked out of their house because their parents disliked them so much. Oh well, I should stop typing.
Best wishes,
-Lady Dragoness
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