This is a rather mysterious way to end the story. I would assume Jessica fainted from the smell of cinnamon and the strange voice coming possibly from the radio, but it's not very clear.
There were a couple of grammatical errors, such as the comma after "heavy" in paragraph two. "Feign" isn't for speaking. It can be replaced with "replied" or "called back".
Overall, this is a strange, but nice short story to get a read on.
With such a depressing and hopeless tone, Olivia's thoughts and the details you've put in set the mood excellently. The pain she feels both physically and emotionally just makes me feel so sorry for whatever happened.
I see you have jumped straight into the action without any introduction. While it catches my attention immediately, I would have liked to know the characters more and where the setting was before the crash.
Overall, this is very well done. Keep up the great work!
This is a very tragic way to end the story, but it's what happens when you are given an extreme amount of money and don't use it wisely. It truly is a story of a combustible flame.
The writing was paced and written nicely. Not too fast, not too slow. It kept my attention throughout the story. There were no noticeable grammatical errors, either.
The rising action built the foreshadow, and the rest of the story showed the painful resolution the worker had come across.
Some physical descriptions would have been nice (Ex: Change of clothing from valley to city?) , but it wasn't exactly needed to portray the story.
I have to say: This is quite the satire to the classic "damsel in distress" story. I've found myself engaged in the story within the first few sentences because of that. The ending was also quite unexpected, adding to the satire.
I really like how you express Viola's feelings. You give her dialogue that expands on the "grumpy and bored maiden of eighteen" idea, and I feel that you make her seem more realistic that way, in a sense.
I like how the narrator gives little asides to let the audience know why Viola felt the way she did. It makes it feel like the narrator is an imaginary character in the story.
Overall, I really liked it. I was intrigued throughout the whole story, as if the drunken witch had put a curse on me. Keep up the good work!
This really gives off a mysterious and dark tone. It makes me think of a spirit in a battle against an evil force trying to go against the moon. It's a battle of life and death for the spirit, both physically and mentally.
Overall, this is well-structured and nicely detailed. The words were able to give off powerful emotions to me, and the word choice is cleverly selected.
Very nice and touching. The story paces itself well, and the tension at the climax hit me like a brick. I could feel a small tear trying to leak out of my eye for Frank.
Overall, I loved it. Keep up the good work!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ek_h
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 3:44pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
