Interesting tale. I'm really interested to find out your influences. Some of this seems like the obsurd anime's i've seen over the years (Vlad's character in the narrator explains what he looks like is border line insane)
One quick editing thing: You wrote - Thank you kind sir for you gracious assistance and-"
Should the second you be a your?
One other thing i'd like to see dropped is the amount of elipsies you use. One or two are almost alright, but the over abundance of them is distracting. It's better to use the dramatic pause through dialogue and character reactions.
Lastly, sign-post your transitions through what is memories and what is the present. I only say this because it seemed - once again - distracting to go between the two time lines. It was hard to follow.
With that all said (and i only said so much because i see the potential), the story and setting itself is great and the drama/conflict which is so essential to a story like this is all there. Build on this because it seems to be your strong point.
Cheers and thanks for the good read.
This story is great for such a short piece, and good use of props and setting. I also liked the doctor character, if anything for his normalcy. Considering he wasn't scared but at the same time had NO idea what to do except remove his purpose of living. Seems more cruel than the stake through the heart, making the vamp starve like that. Very melevolent.
One thing i'd like to see changed is the "May i please come in" line. It's too obvious, especially if you're trying to build a little. If not, leave out the 'please' if anything.
One last thing, perhaps build a little more one the conflict between the doctor and the vamp. It's all just so abrupt. Once again, if this is due to length, then that's alright. But you could build on this piece and really make a fantastic reality/vamp story.
Keep up the good work, i'm interested in your other works!
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