This story made me feel like walking in a dark alleyway, a mysterious yet familiar person emerging with information that completely changes everything. In short, the ambiance is well done and plot twist was good and unexpected.
The plot twist is memorable since I've haven't heard something like this before. And I adore how his dad owned his mistake, but also gave his support to toby at the end.
Emotions
"I feel a bit overwhelmed"
The word "feel" usually pulls the reader out of the story, unable to really feel what tobias is going through.
I would suggest to add more emotional impact after Toby realised that he is adopted.
Put yourself in his shoes, imagine you lived your whole life believing something and suddenly it's all a lie, how would you react, what would you feel and do in this situation. 🤔
Adding introspection helps the reader feel , such as thoughts flying and pounding against his head, confusion clouding his vision. Emotions welling up. Him trying to hold on to a chair as if it was his life-line, his only anchor against the reality-shattering reveal of truth.
Setting
It's well done how you build the setting of character positions within the story. For example: everybody was in another room while Toby and aunt were together, which made the setting more private and hidden away, paving the way to reveal the secret. I really liked how you did that 😌. You could also add a bit more ambiance/atmospheric lightning to reflect emotions into the environment, for example: The kitchen is dark, only illuminated by the grey weather peering through the window.
Conclusion
In the end, it's your story so you can do whatever you feel is right, the canvas is your sky to explore! 🌟💫
I want to read more of how toby's life looked before and after the grand reveal, basically you got me hooked. You have fascinating ideas and ways of conveying an air of mystery. You have allot of potential and I can't wait to see you flourish.
Keep writing, and most importantly have fun!😁💫
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