Congratulations on the well-deserved ribbon and contest award for this piece. I have read all your six poems here with great interest and admiration. Your brief bio states that you have not written anything before this, which I find shocking. Your style of writing projects that of a seasoned writer. I am extremely jealous. Although friends and my Mom have said that I write very well and should have been trying my pen at fiction, I haven't amassed the necessary confidence to do it.
This poem, particularly, in all its briefness, struck me as something out of a collection of published poems. It wreaks with sensuality, and who knew that it's about the writing process? I should be so inspired now knowing that writing promotes sensuality.
Great job. I hope to see and read more of your terrific poems soon.
You weave such poetic words, capturing the interest of the romantic soul.
Initially, I thought this was going to be about two star-crossed lovers who keep missing each other first, but bound by destiny to meet, and inevitability become entangled in a romantic relationship that end tragically.
I'm still not sure about the final outcome; therefore I must read on and find out what happens in the Goldman series.
This is a very well-written piece; not a single error is visible to these untrained eyes.
Again, superb writing. I look forward to reading more from the series.
Again, I loved the first short story you penned and posted in the auto-rewards section, so I checked out your portfolio, and was intrigued to read more of your work. This is the fourth item from your port I've read.
For such a very short poem, you have managed to capture the golden rule of parenting. I should print this out and post it on the refrigerator to remind me of its virtue everyday.
Another well-written piece from you, with not a single visible error.
WHEW!
All I can say is that this should have won first place in the Short Stories contest. I would like to read the story that won first place.
I am from Colorado, and I live not far from the site of the Columbine school massacre that killed 12 students and a teacher. It's so fresh in my mind that it seems to have just occurred recently.
This is a very well-written piece; not a single error is visible from these untrained eyes. The only thing I would have liked better is if you've mentioned Tom and Sarah's neighborhood. If it is the Columbine shooting that inspired you to write this (by mentioning "Jefferson High School"), I would think that the main characters must have lived in the suburb, where houses are so close together. Here, you state in the first paragraph that there's much distance between their houses.
Again, superb writing. I encourage you to submit it for publication.
Congratulations for coveting the first place award re Newbie Writing Contest Central for May with this entry: "I -- Someday, She'll Forget Who I Am" . A well-deserved award. I read your note on the matter; very well written as well.
This story, as in the above-mentioned story, portrays the heart-breaking struggles of a family whose loved one is afflicted with an incurable disease--Alzheimer's. "Watching Time Goes By," is a perfect title as the victim awaits the finality of life in slow motion . . .the way the disease slowly destroys Sarah's brain.
You are one exemplary young, 20-something writer who can evoke a seasaw of emotions to her readers through her descriptive and powerful narrative. It's too bad that it took your Aunt Sarah's mental illness for you to discover that your right brain is filled with such creative talent..
I don't know where to begin, but let me first start on the bright side of things in your life; CONGRATULATIONS on the SIX novels and books of poetry due for publication . You wrote this last year, so maybe some of them are already in print. Such a prolific writer. When do you find the time, especially with all the unpleasant things happening in your life? I am so sorry to learn about your mother's alcoholism that obligated you to have to take care of your siblings; about your dangerously elevated high blood pressure that could be life threatening . So sorry to hear through your friends that you are back in the hospital ... I join all your friends here in praying for you. Please get well soon. We have only met very recently, but I feel already that you are a friend.
I don't know where to begin, but let me first start on the bright side of things in your life; CONGRATULATIONS on the SIX novels and books of poetry due for publication . You wrote this last year, so maybe some of them are already in print. Such a prolific writer. When do you find the time, especially with all the unpleasant things happening in your life? I am so sorry to learn about your mother's alcoholism that obligated you to have to take care of your siblings; about your dangerously elevated high blood pressure that could be life threatening . So sorry to hear through your friends that you are back in the hospital ... I join all your friends here in praying for you. Please get well soon. We have only met very recently, but I feel already that you are a friend.
Oops! This incompetent newbie messed up with his improper use of the WritingML; therefore, I am resending a revised review. Sorry.
Hi. Newbie here doing his R&R thing for the Simply Positive Group. Bear with me; I'm still learning.
This is a nice little story about a young man who would not let the lure of money get in the way of his moral values.
Congratulations on winning a contest for this entry.
I hate to point out mistakes for something that already won a contest, but I wouldn't be doing my job well if I didn't. It's mostly about punctuations; some of the areas are listed below with my suggested corrections. There is also inconsistencies in formatting, like needing a line between paragraphs, that sort of thing.
Okay, without further ado ... please consider these:
Your texts (sometimes I only copy and paste a partial text here):
1. "Okay, Mom, I got it" Arnold says in his velvety smooth baritone voice "Hello?"
2. "I haven't heard of this show before" his mother said
3. "Yes, Ma'am, I'm here" Listening to the phone and
4. "Thank you, good-bye" Arnold hangs up the phone.
5. He was seven years old, he and his father had been playing
6. "Some day" he vowed aloud to himself "I will make her proud" he nodded to himself "I will pay her back"
7. "Ye..." his voice squeaked; he cleared his throat "Yes?" He said to the most
8. "I am Sophie, please come with me" She said
My comments:
1. Add a comma after I got it; and place a period after voice.
2. Add a comma after before .
3. Add a period after I'm here .
4. Add a period after good-bye .
5. Replace the comma after old with a semicolon.
6. Change Some day with Someday, and add a comma after it; also, add a comma after himself ; add a period after proud ; and ...change he nodded to himself , to He nodded to himself. .
7. Add a period after throat , and change He to he .
8. Change to: "I am Sophie. Please come with me," she said
I'm still learning how to use the Writing ML tool; I hope I haven't messed up too much to confuse you.
These are my opinions only. Please consider or reject any or all of my suggestions.
Hi. Newbie here doing his R&R thing for the Simply Positive Group. Bear with me; I'm still learning.
This is a nice little story about a young man who would not let the lure of money get in the way of his moral values.
Congratulations on winning a contest for this entry.
I hate to point out mistakes for something that already won a contest, but I wouldn't be doing my job well if I didn't. It's mostly about punctuations; some of the areas are listed below with my suggested corrections. There is also inconsistencies in formatting, like needing a line between paragraphs, that sort of thing.
Okay, without further ado ... please consider these:
Your texts (sometimes I copy incomplete here):
1. "Okay, Mom, I got it" Arnold says in his velvety smooth baritone voice "Hello?"
2. "I haven't heard of this show before" his mother said
3. "Yes, Ma'am, I'm here" Listening to the phone and
4. "Thank you, good-bye" Arnold hangs up the phone.
5. He was seven years old, he and his father had been playing
6. "Some day" he vowed aloud to himself "I will make her proud" he nodded to himself "I will pay her back"
7. "Ye..." his voice squeaked; he cleared his throat "Yes?" He said to the most
8. "I am Sophie, please come with me" She said
My comments:
1. Add a comma after I got it; and place a period after voicet.
2. Add a comma after before .
3. Add a period after I'm here .
4. Add a period after good-bye .
5. Replace the comma after old with a semicolon.
6. Change Some day with Someday, and add a comma after it; also, add a comma after himself ; add a period after proud ; and ...change he nodded to himself , to He nodded to himself. .
7. Add a period after throat , and change He to he .
8. Change to: throat "I am Sophie. Please come with me," she said
I'm still learning how to use the Writing ML tool; I hope I haven't messed up too much to confuse you.
These are my opinions only. Please consider or reject any or all of my suggestions.
Thanks for sharing this heartwarming poem, and the native images.
The title is "A PRAYER TO THE SPIRITS" -- singular (prayer), yet the description below says " The prayers of a Native American". I am a tad confused. Did you write this, or is it an anonymous Native American poem Are there several prayers in this item that you put together?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading it.
Write on. I look forward to reading one of your fictional stories.
Wow! I had no idea I've been corresponding with a published author of several novels, books of poetry, and lyrics. I am humbled.
Glad to know that you revere the Native American people and culture for I share the same. I want you to know that I was a Hoosier for four years while a student at the Indiana University in Bloomington. I love that part of Indiana, especially in the Fall when the whole place explodes with the brights colors of Autum leaves. One of my favorite places to visit is Brown County Park, having stayed at the lodge many times. Love those covered bridges.
Thank you for this short bio. It gave me a pretty good glimpse into this person whom every member in WDC seems to love and respect.
How can you even be so active here when you are working on your next publications? I find that a few R&Rs I do already take too much of my time away from writing.
Precious! I clicked on the pictures to view the enlargement. How can you not fall in love with such angelic creatures? Your grandchildren are gorgeous. You must be very proud of them. I bet you spoil them in ways that you were never spoiled by your parents when you were a child.
Thanks for sharing. Are there photos of you in any of your folders? It's always nice to connect a username to the face.
New member here, trying to get some experience at reviewing, and having a great time doing it. The authors featured in this forum are all terrific writers.
You write very well. This poem has substance. I enjoyed the story from the tiger's point of view ..getting his insights on how life has been for him "in captivity" at the zoo for show. One day he's had enough; he killed a man. And he had to be killed too.
It's a sad poem; who knows ...what you've written here could be the truth--from the tiger's point of view.
Ahh ...many of us share similar experiences at the pool; my most embarrassing moment is not printable here. .
Terrific writing. You got me hooked (no pun intended) from beginning to end. Funny thing is, an old song played in my head while I was reading this, It's about the itsy bitsy, tiny weenie (sp?) yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time today{'i}. Sorry I don't know the lyrics; just the tune.
Well, now ...I hope to read the other most embarrassing moment about the date.
This is very good. It's touching. You captured the necessary emotions even though the story is not biographical; or is it? I really like the story, and the time that elapsed from the family of five getting together on a fishing trip to the protagonist's old age; still cherishing that memento of that fishing experience.
The transition between the paragraph ending with "The picture arrived a week later." and the paragraph beginning with "Little Spencer made that frame for me when he was in middle school." was not smooth eough for me. The frame part happened long after the previous paragraph. Maybe if you added an extra line to indicate a transition would fix this.
All in all, this is a well-written story; no erros noted.
I just saw this on the left side of the home page; I guess it's an advertisement of sort. Today is my first day here and I am fumbling around the site. It looks very interesting and full of activities. I have posted two poems in my partfolio. I would really love to get some positive/constructive criticisms; in return I will do the same. Hope I qualify to join this group. Thanks.
Rocky Mountain High
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