I loved it! Your introduction/description was perfect. You gave away nothing, but allowed your readers to assume what those "three words" might be. Brilliant!
The flow of your piece was also quite enjoyable. Your steady rhythm and rhyme kept your tempo spot on!
You also took a situation, which is so heart-wrenching, but then delivered it with beautiful finesse.
A+ on the twist at the end.
Please keep writing, I hope to learn much from reading your works!
Yera,
I enjoyed your writing very much. It brought me back to when I played with symphonies and orchestras. . .many moons ago. Your description of how the "beautiful chaos" is mastered by simple gestures was very eloquent. While I was reading, it was if I could hear the orchestra tuning in the background, waiting for direction. So well written! You definitely put a certain "yearning" into your words, which is felt through-out the entire piece. I loved your description of the piano. You captured the essence of playing so well; and also the need that comes along with years of patient practice.
I have nothing bad to say about your writing. I was captivated, entertained, heart-broken, and in the moment!
SilentSongsOfSadness,
I found your short story very interesting. There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but that is to be expected when first writing. I do not know how long you have been writing or if this is a first draft, introduction, or something just to "put yourself out there?"
The action was fun; I found myself wondering and wanting more back-story behind each character! Your description of your characters was fantastic and I applaud you for attention to detail!
The last thing I would comment on is your quote. . .indeed Johnny Cash did perform the song on one of his last albums; however, it was written and originally performed by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.
Please keep writing, as I am looking forward to hearing more of this tale!
Unc-Jim1184,
I am intrigued and very interested in your story! You have rich character development and great dialogue; however, you need some work on punctuation, grammar and spelling.
I now understand what you meant when you said that outlines, maps, and character sheets are necessary when writing in-depth stories. With so much detail, like I read in your "Prologue and Chapter 1," keeping tribes, mates and scenery in-context--might become "challenging" without the proper tools!
I am going to read more of your chapters to delve deeper into your story and creative mind!
All-in-all, I see this as the start to a wonderful Fantasy Novel!
~In Love and Light,
Diamond Dee
diamonddee@Writing.com
Dr. Gupta,
I enjoyed the content of your poem and the imagery was nicely done. Though, I found after reading it a number of times, the flow of your words seems to be a bit "off" or "misplaced" perhaps. For example, the placement and usage of some of your words made a few of the verses slightly wordy; however, you rhymed beautifully! I would also look at "placement of punctuation" to make certain you are obtaining the emphasis, which you desire!
Keep up the good work!
~In Love and Light,
Diamond Dee
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