I went past this story many times, the title never grasping me. I decided to read it based on your disclaimer, figuring I could stop at anytime should I not like it.
I was pleasantly surprised with this story. Every sentence drew me in. Every interview opened up another possibility.
At first, I wondered who this is, speaking in between interviews, then I slowly began to put it together.
I very much enjoyed reading this story and would have loved to read more interviews about what others thought..
I hope to read the actual story sometime.
Grammar and spelling seemed to be perfect. I didn't see one issue.
I am giving this story a 3 because it is a great story, with many grammatical errors.
The storyline intrigued me, pulled me in, compelled me to keep reading. The idea of a gifted warrior catching the eyes of both gods and demons works well and the idea of receiving a gift from them fits the genre wonderfully. Turning the gift to a curse intrigues the reader to begin to wonder about the man. Again, well done on the story line.
With that, let me just say, thru should be spelled through, tho should be spelled though.
Also, have someone else check your grammar and spelling prior to deciding it is finished. This helps you grow and puts another set of eyes on the work, ensuring that a lot of errors are corrected prior to posting.
I liked the entire story line, but found that I wanted to know more about the why's.
I know this is an excerpt, but it seems to be that too much information was given in one small portion of text to really understand what is happening.
Well written as I did not see a lot of grammatical errors.
I was able to picture the scene with accuracy, which is always good. Just enough information to build a scene, but not too much to allow the scene to take on its own life in the mind of the reader.
Back to my original sentence.
At the beginning, we learn about Portsmouth, its mazes and its inhabitants in 2 paragraphs. The foundation was set, then, we hear about someone following our characters, but nothing more. A quick reference then a sudden change to "another, larger problem."
I couldn't fully appreciate the dialogue or the rest due to the constant reminder that "someone was following them". No more mentions during this time to allow me to get an idea of what might be going on with this.
I thought the progression from that point to entering the thieves corridor was a little confusing, unfortunately, not to sure how to transition any better without re-writing it myself. Although, I do feel that some of the dialogue could have been done away with to add more room for clarification and description of what is going on.
Again, I liked it on the whole and feel it could be a great 5 star piece with some clarification and transition work.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dfletcher2012
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 1:41pm on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
