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221 Public Reviews Given
349 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Nightmare  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

Good job, man... color me impressed...

Your sense of description is rather spot on, man. Is "lizard man" a reference to Jim Morrison and the Doors?

I'll try and not be verbose, but I must tell you, this is an excellent piece.

Thanks for sharing.

Au revoir,
Dann0

(Have you ever looked into Associated Content or Textbroker.com? If not, Google them... there may be a paying assignment there for you....)
2
2
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Yet another great addition... the wasn't all that good writing around here the last time I had haunted WdC... like I said, color me impressed.

Good description, settings, and character development. And very reasonable dialog.

Methinks I'm going to see this one through...

Later,
Danny

(I'm going to read it all, so as to better prepare me for my upcoming addition...)
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3
Review of Mashed  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Colin,

I've read something else of yours, and I'm still very impressed... without a doubt... you seem to have an innate talent for metaphors and analogies, and I respect that very much in a writer. Well done, man... well done.

Dann0

(footnote: I have never done E myself... wanted to, but never found a source I could trust...)

(some "background" - http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/9269...
and this was published...)
4
4
Review of Dark Arthur  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Colin,

Dude! This is good stuff... I'm serious. I was very impressed by this story... Here are some of the phrasings that impressed me...

a)A discomfort to rival even that of the gluey peel-tug, which inevitably follows an all night refusal to just take off the damn rubber and go for a fucking piss.

b)Peering through the tinted glass of lingering night, with my head a mash from cheap gin and Beano print fumes (saturated mauve I think - rare, and notably antique et classique-au-romantique and suck-my-cock Andre you meat eagle) I first clocked the red blink on the telephone and then the rich euro-tan cotton-sheen of a rento toast-hole, his gradually reclining figure dolly-propped on the bedpost like a stiff brown sock . (and I thought I was one of the few who used "suck-my-cock" so casually...<grin>

Have you ever considered collaborating with someone on a humor story? (That someone would be me) If you would, take a look at this:

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/9442...

Perhaps you might have some additional ideas to lengthen the story.

TIA.

Dann0
5
5
Review of I am waiting...  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

Good stuff, with the exception of one typo: "I've been awaiting you're return" (Umm, that would be *your*... "you're" is a contraction for "you are"... I'd try and remember that if I were you... (and obviously, I'm not<grin>)

Keep at it, Ace,,, I can see that you have definite potential...=- )

Au revoir,
Danny

(You know the drill... get on over and review some of my work if you will... )

(And that's a pretty cheesy pseudonym, if you ask me... sure, you haven't *yet*... but you eventually will...<grin>

Au revoir,
Danno
6
6
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Ms. McBain,

I liked this piece, and I don't usually "do" police/crime drama. You handled the dialogue very well, it was evident that you used a spellchecker, which isn't always the case around here.

Do you plan on getting a novel/novella out of it?

Good job.

Take care,
Annie
7
7
Review of the glass rose  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

Good stuff. I might suggest breaking it into two or three portions, but then again, that's just me. Do what your will with your piece.

Have a great life.
8
8
Review of Internet Upgrade  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Great piece. I loved the construct of it. Wish I could write something so meaningful.

Good job.
9
9
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)

I don't believe in f***ing "writer's block". It's a myth.

If you can't come up with anything to write, then let it fall."

NO POOP..

REGARDS,
daniel

10
10
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Actually, you can just use italicized versions of the words in question, such as adieu or adios.

Merely an option to consider, I think.

Umm, I've happened to play Tai-Pei before. Does that remotely count at all.?

(Even if it doesn't, I still think I raise some valid points.

Huh?)

Jesus
11
11
Review of Golden  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Great stuff.

I especially enjoyed where you divided up your piece into more manageable sections.

I would humbly suggest the use of the {indent} tag at the beginning of all of your paragraphs. And it doesn't require a closing tag either.

Think about it.

regards,
daniel
12
12
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)

I liked this... plain and simple. Good stuff.
13
13
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

Okay, I liked the concept, but there are some things I must point out to you.

First, what's with the uneven spacing? It may be just me, but it sort of had a disconcerting effect on me.

In this paragraph:

A man in his late 50's with neck length grey and
black hair is holding a baby and talking to a
young girl in her early 20's. The girl is very overweight. She is his daughter. He tells her he has $20 until Saturday. Today is Tuesday.

I would revise to:

A man in his late 50s with neck-length grey and black hair is holding a baby and talking to a young girl in her early 20s. The girl is very overweight, and is his daughter. He tells her he has $20 until Saturday. Today is Tuesday.

50s and 20s do not require an apostrophe. They are merely plurals, not possessives. Think about it: if you spelled out the numbers, they would simply be "twenties" and "fifties", and many editors would suggest those terms in that format instead. It's a pretty common error. I've had to correct moderators for the same thing in their use iof the term "GP's", which again, spelled out, would be gift points. Again, no apostrophe is needed.

In this sentence:

The father wants to help her, he explains, but he cannot.

I would revise to:

The father wants to help her, he explains, but cannot.

(I simply omitted the second "he".

In this sentence:

As he laughs, playing with the baby, he suddenly catches himself, and his mouth turns down in a kind of sadness as though he were thinking to himself,"I have L-O-S-E-R" stamped on my forehead."

I would revise to:

As he laughs, playing with the baby, he suddenly catches himself, and his mouth turns down in a kind of sadness as though he were thinking to himself, "I have 'L-O-S-E-R' stamped on my forehead."

When quoting within quotes. use single quotes. I also inserted a space between the comma after "himself" and the quotes.

In this sentence:

She drinks from her third chocolate milkshake. He almost frowns at her and says: "You know you are overweight..."

I would revise to:

As she drinks from her third chocolate milkshake, he almost frowns at her and says, "You know you are overweight...."

(I think the the sentence reads better like this. And this is a minor point, but after the ellipsis, you needed a period.)

Hoped this helped...
14
14
Review of Useful Software  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)

Good informative piece.

>the following is one of the most widely used FTP program:

I think you meant to say "programs".

And you might consider including this piece of software on the page:

Bazooka Adware and Spyware Scanner detects a multitude of spyware, adware, Trojan horses, keyloggers, and trackware components, sources of irritation that many antivirus products do not deal with. The scanning process only takes a fraction of a second and tells you how to uninstall the invasive spyware or puts you in contact with the spyware developer for the most up-to-date and safe uninstall instructions. Spyware and adware often is bundled with software such as Kazaa, Morpheus, Grokster, iMesh, Xolox, and Gnutella, and in many cases it's installed without your knowledge. Some send information about your surfing habits to ad companies, which target you with pop-up ads that fit your preferences. Bazooka Adware and Spyware Scanner search for Gator, GAIN, Bargain Buddy, CommonName, FlashTrack, IPInsight, nCase, NetRatings, NewDotNet, SaveNow, and WurldMedia.

http://www.download.com/Bazooka-Adware-and-Spyware...

Hope that helped...
15
15
Review of Pefect Woman  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

I liked this... this is a well-written piece...

(tip:

hyphenate this:

6 inch heels

to this:

6-inch heels

Otherwise, you'd be describing six "inch heels"; see my point?)
16
16
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

I liked this piece, and I liked it a lot. I bet your profanity is going over big here, huh? [g]

Doesn't seem like too many people write satire here, from what I've seen...

Good stuff...

Ciao,
Danny
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17
17
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

This was a great piece... and I don't usually enjoy poetry...[g]

One very minor suggestion:

Lose the commas. I think they "interrupt the flow", if you will...

Ciao,
Danny
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18
18
Review of On Gay Rights  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

         A tip:

         When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice to
insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word
for it. Take your story's first two or three paragraphs, and
insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked
difference in readability. And it’s not just my view.

What To Do To Not Get Read and Rated
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/3571...

         Here is an excerpt from the piece:

         6. Write in long chunks of solid text. Please, please, please, don’t. Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) and put blank lines between paragraphs. I can tolerate indentations to indicate paragraph breaks, after all, I read plenty of books with solid text, but online is different than the pages of a book. Blank lines between paragraphs vastly improve the ease of reading and help keep my eyes from feeling overwhelmed and strained. I have closed more short stories that go on and on for pages of unbroken text because I am just not up to dealing with such massive quantities of text.

But I agreed with what you had to say...
19
19
Review of Trains  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)

         Missed a few line breaks there..

         A tip:

         When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice to
insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word
for it. Take your story's first two or three paragraphs, and
insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked
difference in readability. And it’s not just my view.

What To Do To Not Get Read and Rated
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/3571...

         Here is an excerpt from the piece:

         6. Write in long chunks of solid text. Please, please, please, don’t. Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) and put blank lines between paragraphs. I can tolerate indentations to indicate paragraph breaks, after all, I read plenty of books with solid text, but online is different than the pages of a book. Blank lines between paragraphs vastly improve the ease of reading and help keep my eyes from feeling overwhelmed and strained. I have closed more short stories that go on and on for pages of unbroken text because I am just not up to dealing with such massive quantities of text.
20
20
Review of Millennium Star  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)

         A interesting premise, and a good execution of that
concept. That said, I have a few very minor suggestions that
I'd like to bring to your attention:

         A tip:

         When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice to
insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word
for it. Take your story's first two or three paragraphs, and
insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked
difference in readability. And it’s not just my view.

What To Do To Not Get Read and Rated
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/3571...

         Here is an excerpt from the piece:

         6. Write in long chunks of solid text. Please, please, please, don’t. Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) and put blank lines between paragraphs. I can tolerate indentations to indicate paragraph breaks, after all, I read plenty of books with solid text, but online is different than the pages of a book. Blank lines between paragraphs vastly improve the ease of reading and help keep my eyes from feeling overwhelmed and strained. I have closed more short stories that go on and on for pages of unbroken text because I am just not up to dealing with such massive quantities of text.

Au revoir,
Danny
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
21
21
Review of Fishing Buddies  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

         A interesting premise, and a good execution of that
concept. That said, I have very minor suggestion that
I'd like to bring to your attention:

         A tip:

         When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice to
insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word
for it. Take your story's first two or three paragraphs, and
insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked
difference in readability. And it’s not just my view.

What To Do To Not Get Read and Rated
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/3571...

         Here is an excerpt from the piece:

         6. Write in long chunks of solid text. Please, please, please, don’t. Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) and put blank lines between paragraphs. I can tolerate indentations to indicate paragraph breaks, after all, I read plenty of books with solid text, but online is different than the pages of a book. Blank lines between paragraphs vastly improve the ease of reading and help keep my eyes from feeling overwhelmed and strained. I have closed more short stories that go on and on for pages of unbroken text because I am just not up to dealing with such massive quantities of text.

Au revoir,
Danny
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
22
22
Review of Love in the Park  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)

         A interesting premise, and a good execution of that
concept. That said, I have a few very minor suggestions that
I'd like to bring to your attention:

         Here, in your story description:

A boy who a akater...

Did you mean to say?:

A boy who a skater...

         A tip:

         When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice to
insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word
for it. Take your story's first two or three paragraphs, and
insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked
difference in readability. And it’s not just my view.

What To Do To Not Get Read and Rated
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/3571...

         Here is an excerpt from the piece:

         6. Write in long chunks of solid text. Please, please, please, don’t. Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) and put blank lines between paragraphs. I can tolerate indentations to indicate paragraph breaks, after all, I read plenty of books with solid text, but online is different than the pages of a book. Blank lines between paragraphs vastly improve the ease of reading and help keep my eyes from feeling overwhelmed and strained. I have closed more short stories that go on and on for pages of unbroken text because I am just not up to dealing with such massive quantities of text.

Au revoir,
Danny
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
23
23
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

         A interesting premise, and a good execution of that
concept. That said, I have a few very minor suggestions that
I'd like to bring to your attention:

         A tip:

         When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice to
insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word
for it. Take your story's first two or three paragraphs, and
insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked
difference in readability. And it’s not just my view.

What To Do To Not Get Read and Rated
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/3571...

         Here is an excerpt from the piece:

         6. Write in long chunks of solid text. Please, please, please, don’t. Use paragraphs (short paragraphs!) and put blank lines between paragraphs. I can tolerate indentations to indicate paragraph breaks, after all, I read plenty of books with solid text, but online is different than the pages of a book. Blank lines between paragraphs vastly improve the ease of reading and help keep my eyes from feeling overwhelmed and strained. I have closed more short stories that go on and on for pages of unbroken text because I am just not up to dealing with such massive quantities of text.

Au revoir,
Danny
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
24
24
Review of Dinosaur Lust  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

         A interesting premise, and a good execution of that
concept. I liked this piece. I liked this piece a lot. It had a sense of hoesty to it.

Au revoir,
Danny
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
25
25
Review of Viva Temierra!  Open in new Window.
Review by Danno Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

         A interesting premise, and a good execution of that
concept. I liked this piece. I liked it a lot.

indent}The only other way I can think of to possibly improve this story is this

         Insert the indent tag at the beginning of all of your paragraphs. I first came across it when reviewing another writer's work. Consequently, I've converted all of my files. And it's not all that difficult, because the indent tag doesn't require a closing tag; simply copy the tag from ML help (under the Author's drop-down menu), and simply paste it to the beginning of your paragraphs. And don't take my word for it. Insert it to your first 2 or 3 paragraphs; I'm quite sure that you'll notice the difference.

         Other than the very minor cosmetic consideration, this was a good read. You write well.

Au revoir,
Danny
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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