Hi Lisa Noe, this is Stephe R. Seede. I just read your poem "When God Loves Me". It was a pretty interesting piece as you go into great detail to describe your relationship with our lord and savior to the audience, as well as your struggles with your faith (alas, when you lost your father). We've all had struggles with faith at various points in our life. My own biggest personal struggle with my faith was going through long bouts of unemployment some years back, and when I lost my apartment and had to move back in with my mother (among other things I was going through at that time that's too lengthy to mention). A lot of times people aren't strong enough in their faith and become athiests, while others become utterly depressed and (while knowing that there is a god) really begin to wander if he have deserted them, which is how I was beginning to feel at times. God may not come when you ask him, but he's always on time. And he's always testing your faith, so it's important to stay strong in your faith and try to keep a relationship him even if you don't go to church.
Though the rhymes begin to lose their consistency towards the end of the poem, I didn't see any grammatial errors. But the line "When I was first a bride my life I did not hide," would read a little better if you put a common after "bride", then another life "life" (EX: "When I was first a bride, my life, I did not hide,"). Other than that, I encourage you to continue your poetry, and to stay enouraged in the lord. I also invite you to check out my profile page and sample some of my work sometime soon.
Hi Maria, this is Stephe. I've just read your short story and it was very inspirational. It sounds so much like the game of life as there are many obsticles and distractions to hold you back, or discourage you, and it seems like with every step forward you take two steps back. But with hard work, determination, discipline, a strong will and faith in god, you'll succeed in whatever it is you're doing. And it's usually good to have a human shoulder to cry on. But if there's no one worth while to talk to, at least try to have an open relationship with god. The good lord will show you the way. A lot of people (especially in these times) are ignorant to god, or has lost faith in him after going through hardships. But god will never challenge you with a task that you can't handle, and it feels good to be his hands. Whatever that doesn't kill you will make you stronger. And you should never kick or step on a man when he's down. If anything, you're suppose to help that person when and if you can (like you did the way you described in your dream).
As far as the delivery of the story, I found no grammatical/punctuation errors, and it was presented to your audience in a servicable format. Despite it's short length, it delivered a powerful that got straight to the point.
Nice little tale as the main plot describes a young single woman, Skyler Adams, who's terrified of thunderstorms and hail. Good details were provided as you were able to explore into the main character's personal life a bit in this short story, describing the relation between Skyler and her little yorkie named MIlo (a gift from her mother), and explaining that she is seperated from her estranged husband. You also treated the storm as if it were a window dressing character too, as it provided the backdrop. The grammer and punctuation is on point as well. Good job, Newbie... and welcome to writing.com!
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