\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/daphnegray78
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
1 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Reunion  Open in new Window.
Review by daphnegray78 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
         Overall, I thought this piece was extremely well-written, and I really liked the concept. I have a few suggestions you might consider, but I was pretty impressed by the piece as it is. Kudos!
Suggestions:

         The beginning, when the nurse throws a bunch of jargon at John, doesn't seem very realistic. Medical staff, especially nurses, are normally pretty good at explaining those terms. And it's rather off-putting for the reader to read all that jargon that is never explained. To know what is really wrong with the dad, I had to turn to dictionary.com.
         The part where John is temporarily blocked by two elderly patients is well-written and realistic, but extraneous. I would suggest either briefly tying that interaction to John's impending encounter with his Dad or minimizing that part.
         I think the father could be fleshed out a little more by showing even a glimpse of some good quality in him.
         The scene where John fights with his mother could have been built up a touch more before he actually gets violent.
         The ending was a little disappointing to me. THe paragraph about life, while a good point to make, seemed a little... trite. I think that it would have meant more if his search for his father had been built up more. I also think that the "glimpse of good character" I mentioned might go well here, if maybe the father showed even a shadow of regret. I did, however, absolutely love the line: "I almost became you."
         I really did enjoy this piece... and I hope some of my suggestions helped. :)
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/daphnegray78