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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cyberdancing
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Pen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh I really like this. The rhythm must be good because when I tried to sing it as I read it, it flowed really well. Obviously I'm singing different notes, but it just says something about the flow of the words. I definitely picked up the theme of trying to do things with the greater good in mind, as in doing your part, trying to be there despite things not working out perfectly. It also sounds very realistic too with the intensity of trying to keep things together and surviving but then having a more sullen and almost depressing aftermath when you just can't do it all and you have to figure out how to move on.

I'm not really sure what can be improved upon. The line, "But time after time, I get the underhand," isn't so clear for me as far as the meaning. And I'm sure the song would sound even better when it's sung.
2
2
Review by Pen Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very fun take on the classic knight trying to slay a dragon. One line that jumped out at me was "as he clutched the squirming man" since it was such vivid representation and the rhyme seemed to come out of nowhere yet it fit really well. I liked the rhythm and consistent rhyming scheme. It was a tad long, as if it was rambling just a bit. Also, I wasn't sure what to think of your comparison between dragons and gods. I tend to think of dragons as just really big and hard to kill rather than immortal or godly, so it kind of a surprise to see that comparison. Overall, it was a very fun read.
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