I really liked this one. Great flow, but one line makes it stumble a bit.
"Then each visit then ever after" - Might I suggest removing the second then in that line? It seems as if it is not needed. Once again, I'm sorry I'm not able to give more input, but I'm not much of a poet.
Good job, keep writing, and good luck in the contest.
-JR
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It has a nice flow and all but may I ask what is a "killdeer"?? A type of bird? Deer?
I liked it otherwise though. I'm sorry that I can't give you much advice, considering that I know next to nothing about poetry, but I wish you good luck in the contest.
Good job and keep writing!
-JR
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I liked it. I'm not really sure I believe in God, I'm more of an agnostic, but I do have morals. I just can't bring myself to believe in something I have no real proof of. I just wrote an essay about discrimination in all of its forms for a scholarship at my school. Good story though, grammatically sound and very well-written.
Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you ever get the time.
What an odd story. It had a distinct quality to it though. You seem to jump suddenly to the mountain out of nowhere. He wakes up talks to his wife then is suddenly climbing a mountain it seems. You might want to elaborate on that part a bit. Same with the part about The Line. A few minor grammatical errors such as missed commas and the such, but you could take care of that in a quick editing session! Good job and keep writing. Check out some more of my stuff if you get the time.
Only spelling error I noticed - "and Sarra, a Phrophet, are gone now." - should be Prophet?
It was good, and I liked it. I would suggest that you split up the chapters though, just so that you could get more and better input on it.
You need to describe the people in the story better. I mean, what is an elfkin? Is it elf-ish? Is a Prophet like a biblical prophet? You really need to explain more about the types of these. . .things.
It seems to have a good plot, and your grammer is nearly perfect though.
Good job, keep writing, and check out some of my stuff if you ever get the time.
"The talons upon each hand nine inches at least." - were nine inches long.
"As he ducked the overhead flame scorched his back causing him to cry out in agony." - Comma is needed after ducked.
"Violently he jerked, and screamed." - No comma after jerked.
"As quickly as it started it was over." - Comma after started.
I'm not going to put any more examples about comma mistakes. It looks like you know how to use them, just forgot to put them in. A quick editing session could take care of this. I'll put spelling mistakes if I find anymore.
Plot
Eh. It's OK but nothing amazing. It has a few problems. The beast could easily just kill Kell it seems. So either the beast is a moron, or it's too proud or something along those lines.
Also, how can the beast make a fist with foot long blades sticking out of his hands?
We never really get to figure out what or why the beast attacks Kell either.
Kell had an easy out too. When the beast asked him what he wanted, he could've just said to leave. It seems as if the beast would've let him go. Plus it seems as if Kell should've died many times over, even after the potion. I believe he gets impaled by five nine-inch talons?
Overall
It's kind of way too unrealist, even for a fantasy story. You have some questions that need answering, and a few things that need to be figured out.
Good job, keep writing, and check out some of my stuff if you get the time.
Ah I'm a dude, but high school does that. I feel the same way about a chick. Have to put on that whole laugh and smile act when she talks about her boyfriend.
((Do you think that Kayden is going to fall for Wynter? I'm not sure yet...Give me your opinion))
Honestly, he probably already has, he's just unsure about what you think. Of course, I'm just a lowly freshman, and you seem to be older, so I could be totally wrong.
As for the story, it has a few minor spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing major. A quick editing session could take care of it.
What was the mistake? Drugs and drinking at the same time. Tisk-tisk, not a good combination Well written story. Only mistake I noticed was this - "I stood up and noticed my dads Ford parked outside our house." - dads should be dad's. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time!
Wow. Great story. Nearly grammatically perfect. Only thing I noticed was this - "Mommy, what's happening? I’m sacred." - sacred should be scared. You caught the woman's desperation very well. I can almost imagine this happening, and it gives me bad memories of 9/11. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time.
Nifty. We have to stop following the crowd and just be ourselves. We'll make an impact eventually. The only thing I see is "and wait, Wait until our feet sink in-------" - might the second wait be uncapitalized? I wasn't sure if you just did it for effect or emphasis or what. Keep writing!
Ah, I liked this one much more. Good flow and meaning. I think it has more depth to it too. The color scheme that you picked out makes it seem more creative and artistic too. It seems like a lot of people start to write in high school, myself included. Sorry I wasn't able to be of more help, but I know virtually nothing about poetry. I didn't want to give you bad info! Keep writing.
Good point. I thoroughly agree with the aforementioned rave. Ahem. . .Sorry I've just always wanted to say aforementioned in one of these. Anyways, it was very well written, and I do agree with it. We worry about some very petty things nowadays. For example, people worry about the bird flue, which hasn't killed a single person in the U.S, but they are reluctant to get a regular flu shot. The flu kills tens of thousands of people each year. Good job and keep writing!
w00t guitarists. . .and I know what you mean. Sometimes you're just on and can't miss a beat. Greatest feeling in the world. It was very well-written, and I noticed no grammatical errors. The greatest living guitar player could be so many great guitarists though. . .nearly impossible to choose just one. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time, I hope to have a new story out about a band later tonight!
Good stuff. There's a song called "Burn, Burn" by the LostProphets that isn't too different from your poem. It had a very nice flow to it, and I could really tell that you put anger into the poem. I'm not even a very big poetry fan, but I happened to like this one quite a bit. I'm no poetry expert, so I can't give you much advice on how to make it better. I just thought that you'd like some input. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time!
I like it. I'm sorry I can't give much input on this, as I don't know much about poetry, but it seems to be very well-written and thought out. I'm not even a big poetry fan, and I liked it so you must be doing something right! Thanks for the reviews and keep writing.
It was good. A question though? How might this be classified as gay/lesbian? It made me think though. How much might we be able to do if we take a step forward and try to make opprotunities instead of waiting for them to come to us?? Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time.
What the hell? Basically all I can say. Most random thing I've ever read. I'm not even sure it makes sense. It was funny stuff though. Confusing as can be, but funny. Who were Ryan and Melissa? I can't tell who is who or what, and it kinda left me confuzzled. Yes, CONFUZZLED. Confused and Puzzled ya see? You had a ton of run on sentences, so throw a few commas in there if you get the chance. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the chance.
It makes me want to read on. It was well-written, and it seems like you have quite a few very well developed characters. I'm looking forward to reading an actual storythat includes the characters. I also have a story about a part asian - part caucasian man. . .Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you have the time!
It's pretty good and has some definite depth. A suggestion would be to space is out a bit though. Hit ENTER a few times in there, and it would be a good bit easier to read. This (story? I don't really know how to categorize it) makes you think about how much one person can do and life in general. How much more can be achieved if we stop setting limits? Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time.
It was good. I would check out some of your poetry, but I'm not much of a poet myself and wouldn't be able to give you much advice. Well written and the only error I noticed was right here - "A tower shot up from the canvas as he began creating building with simple motions and gestures and stabbing leaves, branches and trees into existence. " - The creating building part doesn't make much sense. It had a good sense of depth, and I too think that old churches hold a great deal of untouched beauty. Keep writing!
Good poem. It sounds like it could be a song if you got a decent beat to it and mixed up a few of the lines. It was a bit confusing at the beginning, and I wasn't sure I totally understood it. Of course, I'm not much at deciphering the underlying meaning in poetry, so a normal person might be able to understand it fine. The second half of it was a good bit easier to understand. I'm not a big fan of poetry, but I happened to actually like this one. Check out a bit more of my stuff if you get the time. Good job and keep writing!
-JR
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Well written story. Only mistake I noticed was this - "I stood up and noticed my dads Ford parked outside our house." - dads should be dad's. Keep writing and check out some of my stuff if you get the time!