I thought your writing was very humorous and light, easy to read without too many long winded descriptions, but also a bit fast. I'd say that if this were going to turn into a novel then perhaps work on extending the story. Maybe chapter one is the break up with the old boyfriend, your female lead depressed and looking for a distraction, with a hit on her online nanny profile (you didn't explain how she got the job) from a family in Switzerland. The weirder the place the better--it depends on what the setting has to offer the story. Go slow and easy. You have to be willing to slave over a paragraph and chapter and write crap before you can write gold.
Take a note from Charles Bukowskie: sometimes simple is the best way to go. You write very well with strong images clearly explained, but perhaps overly explained. The opening paragraph--which everyone tries to make as gripping and as strong as possible--sometimes needs instead one clear image in their minds, simple and easy to imagine before diving into the words.
The detail in the battle was perfect--there's a time when you want to really nail the action that's going on--there's never enough detail there. I would be interested to read your interpretation of a hunt or animal attack.
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