It was a little awkward though, it felt like you were rushing it. A lot of the exposition, with the move and what not, drag on a bit and then you move through the climax too quickly to make up for it.
It's a great story, with a little pacing help it would be fantastic!
It made me sad. Especially because I recognize the moment in the writing process that the piece is referring to. I hope you don't have this problem often.
There are some grammer mistakes most notably: The use of "there" instead of "their" a few times.
Content wise, it is a bit confusing, but your description is intense. You evoke the savage, depraved, murderous nature of Rails and the cult that he runs from just behind the scenes.
You have an excellent taste for description, and your topic, and angle on it, is a really good one.
But, it's way too short, rushed and confusing. Tell more. It is rare to rue an entire day just due to the size of a hotel room... what else was sickly and wrong about it. What did the rip off of a roach motel make you want to do to the person who wrote the description on Orbitz? What was the description on Orbitz?
What's the price of tea in china?
Sometimes international economics fit perfectly into stories about bad motels.
You have strong feelings on the matter, that is obvious, but your points are to subjective.
give examples of the destruction that theocracies have caused.
get more into the founding fathers argument
break the concept down, many people think of a speration of church and state to mean only that the government will not interfere with religion, you are point at the other issue. bring it up point blank...
also check your grammer, spelling and repitition. I know this comment isn't exactly all those things, but if you intend to formally post something it should be more than perfect at that basic level.
(if you decide to get into this essay and work on it some more, let me know when you re-post it. I am interested in the topic, and would like to see how your thoughts progress)
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