CAT here...I really liked the imagination and creativity of this story, and I do not generally gravitate towards supernatural or paranormal-type reading. I enjoyed how it all came together in the end. It was neat, but not too neat, which is good from my point of view.
I am not a critic regarding grammar and punctuation, really. I do think, though, it would be a benefit to separate your paragraphs as it would make it flow better and be easier on the reader. It gives the reader a break, just for a second, to digest what they've read before moving on and allows them to savor the story instead of feeling rushed.
Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth! Please keep writing!
Cute story...he sounds like a real charmer:) I get the flow, truly, but the last paragraph kind of jumps a little. I get it, but you might want to break into a new paragraph after the 2nd sentence. (Just my silly 2 cents, for what it's worth.) Please keep writing!
Nice little piece you started with...you should write about, and post, some of those memories. They might make for some interesting reading and fun writing. "I remember this time, once, when...." Keep going...
Very good! Creative, imaginative and made me want more. I like the style you have and can see the influences you mentioned in your bio. It also comes across that you are enjoying yourself. Keep it up, please!
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