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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chesterbanks
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Chester Banks Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice story! It's funny how Pam describes everyday things to an outsider. Good job!

- Chester
2
2
Review of Night Assault  Open in new Window.
Review by Chester Banks Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice story! I liked the twist at the end that it was the manager. Keep writing! :)

- Chester
3
3
Review by Chester Banks Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice story, it made me want to read more of it.

You might want to have a more engaging beginning paragraph. Maybe you could add a short sentence as the first paragraph before the rest, maybe "Someone has been stealing spoons." or you could do "I was thinking of my stolen spoons as I was reading Mother Goose and Grim..."

I wonder how the creature will be caught!

- Chester
4
4
Review of Grandpa, The Hero  Open in new Window.
Review by Chester Banks Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Sailor M! Great job on this short story, I especially liked the little plot twist at the end that the water wasn't deep at all. :) Here's a few things to make it a little better!

1. There's a few punctuation errors - the comma before "Grandma" in the second paragraph is unnecessary. There should be a comma after the "you" in the 13th.

2. The sixth paragraph is a bit confusing. What does 'I a dashing young man about town' mean? :)

3. You could add some more descriptive adjectives, like "steaming hot chocolate", "crackling fireplace", and maybe "cozy home"? I know it's harder to do that because of the word limit, but you could do "brought in steaming hot chocolate" instead of "brought in the hot chocolate" and it would be the same number of words. :)

Good job again!
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