This is a great freestyle poem reflecting one-sided love. The metaphors you use are beautiful. The wording -- adjectives and verbs -- all sound very elegant and set a fittingly sad tone.
A few suggestions:
'Cool waters gently ripple against moon shadowed shores,
High above, blanketed in wispy night's darkness,
A lone star shines.'
I think the comma after 'shores' should be changed to a period, since they are two seperate sentences. There is no need to abide by this rule in poetry, but since the rest of the poem is written like this I think it would look neater.
'The golden eye rises to its throne on high,
Still petals continue to fall. '
The first line here doesn't make sense to me (the 'on high' part). Is there a word missing? Or, you could just remove the words 'on high'.
Remember though, these are just my opinions; feel free to disregard them. Good job and keep on writing!
This is a great start to what seems will be an impressive novel. The characters are very convincing; I could feel Jason's exasperation with his uneventful life. I can't wait till the next chapter is up!
Suggestions
There is not much to criticize. The only bit I can find is this:
"My pretty girlfriend," Andruw corrected with a smile.
Her pale face blushed and she gave him another kiss.
Since the rest of the story is written with a space between the dialogue and the actions, I would do so here.
This piece shows a lot of promise, with an interesting plot. However, there are a few things I noticed that if changed, might make it better.
When there is dialogue, or even just his thoughts, it might be a good idea to seperate it from the rest of the paragraph... this makes it a much more flowing story for the reader.
It might also be a good idea to change the structure a little more often, too. Most of the sentences started with 'he' every time.
A few spelling or grammar mistakes I noticed:
"I'm not supposed to stay out late on a school night" He thought.
After 'night', there should be a comma, and 'He' shouldn't be capitalized.
from a store and not being capture by the security camera.
Here, 'capture' should be 'captured'.
He used his surroundings to his advantage and only those with sharp eyes and mind could only detect him.
The second 'only' should be removed.
He tood near the brick wall, gipping on one of the many crevices.
'Tood' should be 'stood'.
He laid himself on the floor again and moved his head just a lttle enough so that he could see the other guard.
'Lttle' should be 'little', and there should be a comme after.
He crept towards a skylight and stoob in front of it.
This is a very touching poem, and is well written with great adjectives. However, I feel there could be a few improvements! First off, I think that in this part of the poem, the second comma is unneeded:
"I feel I am drowning,
drowning in my sorrow,
and pain."
I also think the second drowning sounds a bit redundant and hinders the poem, but that's just my opinion.
This part here isn't very clear to me:
The rain is neverending
each time I am spending
in sorrow.
Perhaps the poem would be improved if 'each time I am spending' was changed to 'each second I spend', or something similar.
Positive points:What an emotional, sad poem. I couldn't imagine the pain of losing someone (Not actually through death, but it must feel just as bad) that close to me. You convey your emotions with well-chosen words that are easy to read through. Well done.
Negative Points: There isn't much to say here. I'll just point out these two errors:
'mashed potatoes,and bandaids.'
There should be a space after the comma.
'Encouring and mentoring seven'
'Encoruring' isn't a word; do you mean 'encouraging'?
Positive Points:You've done a great job on this poem. It feels emotional and sad towards the end. There are no interruptions in the flow. The metaphors for losing a friend are great.
Negative Points: There are a few things you could improve on with this poem. At some parts you use punctuation and others you don't; you should pick one style and stick with it. There were also these two errors:
'Even tho it be determined'
'Tho' should be 'though'.
'Alone,.we’re left standing'
The dot in this sentence should be removed.
Other than this there's not much else to say. Excellent job!
This was a funny little piece. I really liked it. It has a good morale, too--you should just accept yourself as you are. I only found one spelling error:
Poor Fred was the only ewok in his clan who could breathe fire. The first letter of 'ewok' should be capitalized.
Other than that this was pretty good. The format is simple and very easy to read. Thanks for sharing, and write on!
This was a great emotional and romantic poem. The reader can see the love you feel for this person--you present it in a wonderful way; the flow is uninterrupted, the choice of words is mostly great, and I don't think there were any Grammar or Spelling errors. However, I think the pink writing is a tad distracting--thats just my opinion, though, and it isn't always considered useful! Other than that, good job. Thanks for sharing!
This poem, I felt, was above average by my standards. Good luck on the submission to the literary magazine! I believe this has a good chance at appearing in it; the flow did not seem too interrupted, and the choice of words is good. Just a suggestion: hyphens shouldn't have a space separating them from text. That's just my opinion, though, feel free to use it or not.
Hellow Emerin-Liseli! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this.
This peom, I feel, is very deserving! The flow is good, no problems with that. Most of all, I liked the poem itself... the choice of words, the way it made me feel. The rhyming isn't forced, either. Write on!
Hello Taarash! I'm reviewing this on behalf of the "Invalid Item" .
What I liked
The poem's rhyming did not seem forced. The subject of this--it does intrigue me. The spacing, paragraphs, ect. made it easy to read.
Suggestions
This part confused me a bit:
He was left wailing ‘I want to look cute too’, when everyone else had already moved on, laughing, prancing and adoring the twin girls, to the next item on the festive agenda.
I suggest something like this:
He was left wailing ‘I want to look cute too’, when everyone else had already moved on, laughing and prancing, to the next item on the festive agenda; the twin girls.
Of course, that was just a suggestion. I just found the original a tad confusing.
A small spelling mistake:
One would think that lego blocks are for making guns, machines and bazookas, for he is relentlessly making big lego guns and firing them away, onto the white celing sky.
'Celing' should be 'ceiling'.
Another wee one:
Girls can wear pants but boys can’t wear skirts, except ofcourse when you are in Scotland.
'Ofcourse' should be separated into 'of course'.
A spelling error here:
Who apsire to be like their dearest old father
'Apsire' should be 'aspire'.
An insighful essay! You've done well in both the poetry and prose parts, though my favourite was the poetry. Write on!
Hello Masque of Licentia! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this contest. It seems really good, with awesome pizes... I think you should specify which merit badge you will be awardiing, though, and be more specific with other rules too. Also, to make it more attractive, you should add writing ML.
I found an error too:
The submissions to this contest, should be horror/ specificly Psychological pieces.
Hello Crossback! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this chapter of your novel.
Plot: A great one... the main character Elisha run through the night, to find a safe spot from the rebels chasing them. Then, when they think they find a safe haven... BAM!
Setting: You could maybe add some description here, like the sounds of night creatures, the wind whipping, ect.
Grammatical: No errors found.
My Opinion: A super chapter for your sci-fi novel. Might I suggest, though, putting chapters toghether to make them longer? They are, after all, quite short.
Hello Mabby! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this. You left me begging for more! I know it's wuite short, but you still did a perfect build-up of suspense. Can't wait till' chapter 1 comes out! Other than a couple sentence structure problems, I didn't find any errors in the text. Here's what I found:
Or, was it outside, he couldn’t tell.
I would consider reworking it to add a question mark at the end of 'outside'.
For the first time he noticed the terrible stench that hung in the air around him and became stronger as he struggled to move.
I would add 'it' between 'and' and 'became'.
Awesome prologue! A well deserved 4 n' a half stars.
Hello GothPrincessAngel! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this for the "Invalid Item" , since I'm one of the judges. An great story, both in the poetry and prose types. So great... I gave it a 5! You draw the readers in with the first sentence, as it conceals all info and makes them want to know more. You then follow up with paragraphs that bit by bit reveal the story, leaving the reader begging to know what's next. Awesome job!
One possible error and one suggestion:
If I didn’t die from exsanguination, I would probably die from drowning.
Spellcheck said 'exsanguination' was wrong. Maybe 'Blood loss' instead? As for my suggestion, I suggest switching 'from' for 'of'.
Review for
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1212038 by Not Available.
Hello Ca;, and welcome to the site! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this. Great job! The rhyming was excellent, and words carefully chosen. But if you want your words to appear like this, you have to replace these: ( ) with these: . Write on!
Hello Ann Ticipation! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this. I'm not usually a writer or reviewer of poetry, but I can still recognize an awesome poem *wink* This was great! And a lot of rhyming, too... I don't think it has anything to improve on! Write on!
Hello Kaine! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on this. This has great potential, but first you need to fix a few things. First, you should vary the sentence length a bit, it makes it sound less choppy and monotone. Secondly, after someone speaks there should always be a new line. And lastly, there are spelling/grammar mistakes.... I found four:
twoTwo... you forgot the capital years ago there was a revolt that is known today as the revolt of The bloody son.
This world was insanity with no cause only caosChaos.
In outrage the spectators began to riot and military personnalpersonnel were sent to stop it.
He lifted his hand in acknowlegmentacknowledgement--you forgot the 'd'. that I had arrived.
Other than that, you've done well. Good descriptions, and a great plot. Write on!
Hello Cameleopard! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on your short story. I really liked it... the idea of people worshipping a Turtle God is quite intriguing. It didn't really have much of an end, though, unless of course you aren't finished yet. I found one mistake... 'worshipper' is supposed to be 'worshiper'. Write On!
Hello Mittens! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on your short story. Because of mild violence, I suggest an ASR rating. This piece kind of confused me... I didn't exactly get what was going on for the most part, except that he was getting tortured by a machine or something...? But excluding that, it was pretty good. Once again, you've written in an easy-to-read format and done very good descriptions. Keep Writing!
Hello Mittens! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on your short story. Firstly, because of mild violence, you should change the rating to ASR. Also, if it is a childhood memory, you should maybe put 'I' instead of 'he'. Other than that you did quite well--the format was easy to read and you've done good descriptions. Keep Writing!
Hey Anna! Just dropping by to leave my thoughts on your interactive. I really love wolfs, and that's probably the reason I'm giving it 4.5 stars. It was also quite original that you actually just put 'blablabla' for your intro...I've thought of doing that before, but I didn't have the courage.
Anyways, I'll try to make an addition soon. Great Idea!
Hey Jason! Just dropping in to leave my thoughts on your quiz. Since I'm a major fan of star wars, I have to say this is great. You featured an even mix of both the old episodes (which by the way I think are the best) and the new ones. I scored all right except one--the question where you ask the name of the Gungan city in 'Phantom Menace'. Anyways, this was a great quiz!
Hey Kraken! Just dropping in to leave my thoughts on your contest, the Kraken's code. An awesome contest! I could never have thought of such a great idea. Unfortunately, I haven't won yet... I'm not exactly that great at puzzles, compared to most other people here on WDC. You've done well on explaining, with all those examples.
-Capn'Crunch
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"I'm not supposed to stay out late on a school night" He thought.
After 'night', there should be a comma, and 'He' shouldn't be capitalized. 
Negative Points: There isn't much to say here. I'll just point out these two errors:
The first letter of 'ewok' should be capitalized.
Other than that, good job. Thanks for sharing! 
You draw the readers in with the first sentence, as it conceals all info and makes them want to know more. You then follow up with paragraphs that bit by bit reveal the story, leaving the reader begging to know what's next. Awesome job!