What first drew me in was the perspective from which this story was written. I've never read anything from the point of view of a firstborn, very unique.
The other point I like is that you slowly weave the setting and time period into the story. As the character grows and learns about the world around them, so does the reader. Good work!
This was great. I feel like there are many anti-Americans nowadays because of the increasing divide between the Democratic and Republican parties. I still love America, and it makes me so happy when I read about others who love it as well.
I also think it's very important that the men and women who grew up in the 50's and 60's to document their life experiences, reactions to the events at the time, etc., just like you're doing here. I find that history is always the most interesting when I hear about it from the people who lived it. My grandfather was a WWII veteran, and would never think about documenting his experience on paper. It's really a shame.
Overall, this is a beautifully written piece, very appropriate for the 4th of July, and I couldn't agree more with what you have to say. Thanks for this! Keep writing.
This hits close to home, as I have a boyfriend who is currently training to go into the army. The reality of his situation didn't really hit me until after reading this poem. I support our troops, and thank you for putting your life on the line for the good of our country.
As for the writing itself, very powerful and well written, I like the use of 2-line stanzas, it makes the piece look better, as well as adding to the flow. Overall, a great poem! Keep writing.
Very compelling and captivating, it held my attention to the very end.
You miss the use of commas in a few places, but those are just grammatical errors that can be easily fixed.
I loved the way you had the characters plan each others deaths; the car, the gas. It provided an interesting twist.
What I as a reader wanted to see more of, though, was character development. Why did Mary-Ann think stabbing Sally was a good idea? That plan didn't seem too well constructed on her part, the murder could be traced back to her easily. If you decide to edit this, maybe you could work more with that idea, make it more stable
This seems like the kind of story that would do well around a campfire. It's incredibly funny, and the fact that it's true makes it even funnier. You do a great job of pulling the reader into your world, and your witty sense of humor adds a huge amount of personality. Overall a terrific read!
You have a strong sense of rhythm, it's almost lyrical. The rhythm was the first thing that drew me into this poem.
I feel like there are many people in society who act just as this poem describes them. Deceitful, insincere people who are often trying to get ahead for their own benefit, despite what it may cost others. Of course, not everyone is like this, but you do a great job at describing the ones who are. I found this poem to be hard-hitting and honest.
This poem AND haiku made me laugh quite a bit. It leaves a lot to the imagination, for example, because you didn't describe the scene, I pictured it being 3 AM in a cramped office. An editor is trying to pick a winner for the Editor's Choice Poetry Award for his magazine, but the poems are more or less 4-liner's like this one, and he's only halfway through a pile of about 500.
For me, what isn't said directly in this poem comes to life in the imagination. It takes talent to write poems that stimulate the imagination. This is a good example, I enjoyed it very much!
I've been in your same position, asking myself, "Who am I writing for? Who would bother to read this?" Luckily there are websites like this where writers can unbiasedly interact and inspire each other. Keep writing, and know that your work is being read. Best of luck with publishing, hopefully we'll all see your name on the bookshelves sometimes soon.
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