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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cdavis1961
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11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by addie.cass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to Writing.com! What an interesting short story!

You're a good writer -- good grammar, sentence structure, etc. I'm picky about those things, and wouldn't suggest changes at all in that regard.

I really like the concept, with these people we've seen in paintings from centuries in the past. I think some mystery would keep the reader's interest. When I know from the beginning that the people in the paintings tend to come alive, it becomes a fairly dull story of a guy retrieving a ring he left there. There's no mystery about the music and voices that the narrator hears when he arrives at the museum, etc. It would be more fun for the reader to wonder what's going on. Maybe you could leave out the first sentence so the reader doesn't know what's going on, then have the narrator wonder if there's a costume party going on -- something like that? Just a thought.

I'm confused (perhaps I'm just not quick enough to get it, haha) about the narrator's surprise that the people in the paintings came alive, if he had left the ring with one of those people in the past?

Looking forward to seeing more stories from you! :)




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Review of I'm not yolking  Open in new Window.
Review by addie.cass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hah! I'm really wondering what on Earth is with Misty! Really, I wish there was some explanation. :)

You did a nice job of creating mystery out of what is usually a mundane situation.

Cheers!
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Review of Lawyered Up  Open in new Window.
Review by addie.cass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great job! Well written, interesting, realistic. And a surprising ending. I wondered if your main character blamed herself because she had allowed spousal abuse to go on too long, but understood at the end that she blamed herself for creating the monster!
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Review by addie.cass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks so much, Northernwrites!
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