I am a lover of historical fiction, so reading this was a rather large delight. There's not much in the way of Native American fiction (at least not that I have ever come across) and it is a genre I think that could be explored more thoroughly. I also enjoyed the intrigue and character relations throughout. There are just a few critiques I would have to make. You had a few spelling and grammatical errors throughout (a few missed commas here, a homonym mistake). The formatting of the piece is beautiful, but the way it is chunked up together is a bit too much (maybe it's just my computer though, always a possibility). You're a very direct writer, which is extremely good if you are going to have a lot of action (such as that with the bison hunting). However, your transitions need to flow a little more easily. For instance, in your introduction you mention that your character is sixteen. While that is important, it could be mentioned in a more subtle way. Another example is that you introduce all these characters at once and it's a bit much to take in. I could hardly remember half of them by the time I came to the end.
However, a little bit of a clean up and a few changes in your writing could easily make this a five star piece for me. :) Continue to write on this, because I would love to find out more about what is going to happen, especially since you mentioned how all the parents seem to disappear at one point or another.
I found this to be very intriguing! There were very few grammatical errors (yay!) and I have to say, you definitely have the ability of sucking one into the story with your simple yet dark words. This is definitely a good start to whatever story this is going to be. :)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bibliophilic
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 12:02pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
