I LOVED the first four verses, the fifth was good... That was good enough for me!
The rest was really nice too, although I dont know if I really understood it...
This was the best I have read tonight, and in a long time anyway.
Thank you for the nice poem
The way you share what you feel I know we are not alone on this world. Why are we drawn to the ocean so much? The repetitive sound of the waves we know had been there long before and will continue even long after we are gone. I hope you will write some more, or did you go someplace else?
“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
What is this “image”, and do “we” inherit that “thing” to pass on to our own creations? But now the “God” contemplates about the existence of his own creation in this essay?
The names and contexts, everything seems shockingly familiar to me, Nate, Suzan, Fred… Wow. I relate to it, like becoming aware in a dream. But then the story progress, and as I slowly lose control it turns into a nightmare I know I would only vaguely remember tomorrow…
I do not understand a lot of the imagery you used, but it felt like a way of contemplating our own coming of age in this universe.
And then in the last paragraph, the story leaves me strangely uneased, wondering about many things. So many similarities to my own life I cannot explain…
Pros:
I think you have a very way of asking difficult questions. It felt like you connected to me (your reader) and I could relate to you.
Cons:
I had to read it twice. Having said that, it caught my attention enough the first time, to read it again… You are very gentle, but I think you can allow yourself to be a little more provocative (just a “little”) It is just a though
Beautifully written, I loved it.
I felt like the tourist longing to be the traveller,
maybe something we all long for.
And then it felt like you brought it to life,
making it a dream come true.
I really liked it, thank you.
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