Society is very weird. I completely agree with the message of this piece. I am someone I am sure many would consider "weak" at first appearance. I do not believe in the same animalistic behaviors of most of my peers. I don't feel the need to participate in the fashion shows that other girls do, neither do I feel the need to build up soulless portfolios on social sites. You know what I am referring to. I am not the girl that wears a ton of make up, I cover up my body more than I try to show it off, and I do not feel the need to make fun of others that do the same.
I am nice to mostly everybody. I give everybody a shot. The amount of stress that causes in my head leaves me liable to stomach aches when the same attention is not returned. There is no babying for me. I do not make friends easily because no one trusts me, and no one finds me entertaining. The only entertainment they get out of me is their laughter. It is their downplaying of my strength that gives them joy.
Society will make or break you. This is very true. Thank you for putting it into words. Some things just need to be said.
"The more we save, the less we have,
What we give is not spent, but earned" Those lines closed this poem perfectly. I call it a big finish because though I was saying "true" to your every line, I felt those lines the most. The more time we save the less we have. I worry about this on days that I decide to do nothing out of fear. Whenever I say, "oh it probably won't matter anyway" or whenever I succumb to sadness rather than making a positive change, it feels like I am trying to save time that would probably be better off spent productively.
I am not sure if by "the less we have" you mean "less" time or "less" possessions, but either way it works and I feel you do a great job putting the painful essence of time into words.
I really enjoyed reading this. Don't know if the person you wrote it for was I affected (I hope they were) but I know I certainly am. This is a great piece for motivation, and it is good for waking up a person that is asleep under the slumber of self-defeat. Its powerful writing, don't stop there.
I think the premise of this poem is very in touch with almost any woman going to a bar, or dwelling in. I've known other females that go out all to escape something, but their issues are all the same: They need to forgive themselves. Anyway You've done good. Kudos.
This is falling in love put into words. Automatically I assume you might've been hurt in the past which can make the process more difficult. The feelings are fine, as long as there are actual feelings and this describes how mentalizing love can make falling more than falling. It makes it questionable. You only know if its real if you feel comfortable.
Anything that can make me think and feel simultaneously, earns points. I'm also not the type to write poetry, I find that it is a difficult thing to do so those are automatically extra points there for you. I am sorry about your loss, but I love how you've worded your take on what had happened. A cemetery is such a gloomy place to lay a person to rest. It is true, the heart ought to be placed in times of joy, LOVE, and happiness. Though pain is inevitable, the nice memories are where a person truthfully lies. That is why I love this poem, it is truth.
Derrald makes me laugh. Derrald also makes me wonder about the intelligence of others that do things like he does. This is a good piece because it shines light on people who do weird things, like Derrald does. He doesn't seem like the person with the best social skills. Rather he seems like a person that does his own thing.
Okay, I see what you're saying here and I agree. The winner of every election reflects what is in the hearts of the nations' people.
A few years ago Americans so desperately wanted to see some kind of change...
not a specific change...
not anything I can really remember in particular that we needed to change...
yet Americans wanted to see a change so badly, that we chose the most obvious choice. We chose the biggest change possible. And instead of getting over past hurts and thinking logically, we elected a dark skinned man as president. A dark skinned man who is not even Black.
Some were doing it because it meant something to them to see a "black" man as president. Others went ahead and did it because they wanted to prove that they did not have a problem with it. Either way what was in the heart of Americans that time around was an ugly demon from the past which made the Election everything that it should not be. A superficial decision. A fashion show. A way to prove something.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. While many found a false beauty in a drastic change, due to insecurity or hurt. Others who knew better, that it was an illusion, had to bite the bullet. Now we look on, and the more we attune our vision we see that America is insecure. Superficial. And not at all very logical. Such a shame. We really need to be careful who we love now don't we?
Great passage, even with all of the grammatical mistakes it made me think and that is what the BEST writing does. Try to better your grammar and you could enlighten a lot of minds.
Very good. You do well holding the reader's interest, and you keep them focused on the point of your writing while at the same time giving a sufficient amount of detail to paint a picture in the reader's mind. Through out this passage I adopted the narrators point of view, his feelings about the situation, and the situation itself. My decision probably would've been a little different, lol, but I think he definitely did the right thing which made me admire him. Nice development of character, and great use of plot line.
Well this is brilliant for the reason that you stuck incredibly close to the truth about humanity. The part that really got me were the lines, "Like a human;I walk over wrath. Stay quiet to save the crown."
If only most people nowadays knew to do this. Not many are really saving the crown, or what Jesus stood for any more. Yet there a few, I'm sure, like you and me that let things go. It is part of being Human, and not animal. It takes being human to consciously choose to walk over wrath and not devour everything in our path. I love those lines because they appeal the most to me.
Other than that, everything about it is great. "Forging a smile" God, how I know how necessary it is to do this. If I don't smile my peers can see the natural born scowl that I was born with on my face.
The prowess of death weakening... with the more that we go through, the more words we hear. Again a brilliant incitation.
Lol, aww poor boy. This was good in the sense that it kept me interested and it kept me reading. The surprise or the "twist" of the story was presented very skillfully. The only problem that I have with it is a grammatical one that made some of the reading choppy, but other than that you're good!
This piece makes me even more anxious for the summer than I already was. I've definitely had enough of the bitter cold and all the weird cold fronts. Hurricane season is the only thing worrying to me about summer. You should write one about the flip side of summer if it inspires you enough. I would, but I'm not much of a poem writer.
Lol well this is certainly, umm, interesting. Its original, creative, made me laugh. More detail would've been nice but I guess I should read part 1 and 3 first before speaking on that part.
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