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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/beachbum13
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20 Public Reviews Given
20 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Street Woman  Open in new Window.
Review by beachbum13 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I really like this. I think it is about a prostitute and if it isn't than this whole review is really embarrassing. It actually makes you have sympathy for her and that is hard to have feelings for someone in such a short piece.
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Review by beachbum13 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was a pretty good piece. I like how one person is trying to convince the other about the existence of angels and the other is trying to deny the existence of angels. When you have a new person talking you have to start a new line of dialogue. I don't understand why you have put a whole line in between a sentence. I think you might want to fix these two little things. It has a lot of potential, I think you should continue writing because you have talent.
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Review of Twin poem  Open in new Window.
Review by beachbum13 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I am not quite sure that I understand this. If you could please explain it that would be great! I do like how it seems to talk lovingly though.
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Review of Louis Farrakhan  Open in new Window.
Review by beachbum13 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was good. I like how it sounds kind of like a Shakespeare poem. I don't see anything that needs to be changed. Good job!
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Review by beachbum13 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I have already wrote this in your journal, but I love this poem! I love how she seems happy to everyone, but she is really dying inside. I love how she wants someone to aprroach her but nobody wil because they find her intimidating.
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Review by beachbum13 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
The last line that says "Because of you I am dead" I think it would be better if you put this separate. I like how you exaggerated your lines and it made you feel what the person felt. It sounds like someone has lost someone they deeply cared about. I really like the lines "I lost it in the woods somewhere, Somewhere it is safe from you-" it makes the reader see how badly she was hurt. These two lines "I locked my heart in a box, Because I feared you –" really were good because I felt like it told how much she has suppressed the feelings and how she is trying to keep away from this person becasue she doesn't want to get hurt again. Overall it was a really good poem and you should be proud of it!


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