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Review by Benjamin_Abrams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
First of all, the start of the story is excellent--steel smashing, temples ringing, teeth jarred loose--what an attention getter! Good dialogue between Jezebeth and Javan discussing the priorities of the humans. I also liked the smells and darkness of Javan's homecoming.

A few minor typos/suggestions:
In paragraph 3, There appear to be some extra spaces here: "was not helping himself" - but maybe it's just my web browser acting funny.
In paragraph 7, "Oh, it is not so hard," should end with a period instead of a comma.
Paragraphs 8 and 9 are continuations of a quote, so the new paragraphs should begin with quotation marks. (Same comment for Paragraphs 11 and 12)
In paragraph 14, "You are right," should end with a period instead of a comma.

Good job! I'll move on to Part 2.
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