My only suggestions would be to: change one of the genre's, perhaps technology, to humor and on the second paragraph starting - "Mr Hebert Bigley...", there should be a space between the first and second line - "...lost his wife.His son..."
Very nice prose you have here created. It reads quite well, and your style is good.
Here are some suggestions to better the piece: At the fifth stanza, this piece seems to get lost a bit - is YHWH on his heart?, because the narrator asks about that one, and then the one on his heart and this is a bit confusing. Twelfth stanza - "Surely you know the man or place." - as this is not dialog in the poem, I would suggest 'Surely he knew the man or place'. In the section where the man with tattoos is speaking - starting at the thirteenth stanza - there are end quotes on two of the stanzas that do not really need to be there, and perhaps could be changed to match the third and fourth stanza of his dialog (fifteenth and sixteenth of the prose) Also - in that sixteenth stanza - "the tired and the weary.;" - there is a period and a semi-colon at the end, I would suggest removing the period.
I think here, that you have done a very nice job on this tribute to the Empire State Building.
I have no technical suggestions of the work itself as I think it is well as is, however, I would suggest that you categorize this as prose for its Item Type, as it isn't quite a poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Very sweet and quite a romantic poem you have written here.
It does work well.
I am not entirely sure about the fourth line of the sixth stanza, but the more I read over it the more I am accepting it, seeing that it really is not taking away from the poem, but rather does seem to add to it.
Nice idea that you have here, but there are a few problems with it: First stanza, third line - suggestion to put a comma after "artist" First stanza, fourth line - suggestion to put 'you're' after "or" Second stanza, first line - suggestion to add comma's after each "thankful" Second stanza, second line - suggestion to change the period to a comma Third stanza, last two lines - suggest revising, does not make complete sense
There are some good lines in here, now you just need to bring it all together.
Great idea with this one here. The last stanza was great.
A bit of tweaking could be used throughout, however. Some problems with rhythm here and there.
Some suggestions I have are:
Second stanza, first line - perhaps change "But" to 'Until' - it just seems to make it flow smoother.
In the fourth stanza, fourth line, not certain how it could be fixed, but is a bit long.
Sixth stanza, third line, perhaps change "Which" to 'It', or else change the period at the end of the second line to a comma and lowercase "which".
This piece is quite full of emotion and is very relateable.
It also happens to be rather well written, in my meager opinion ad it does seem to flow perfectly on from beginning to end.
Thank you for sharing, this work makes me look forward to reading your others.
All in all, want to know how I truly feel about this?
It's genius.
Really.
You've put this together very well, wonderful style, very powerful, brings much more meaning to the whole thing.
I hope that more people will take the chance to read your words.
Thank you for sharing.
Very nice poem you have here, enjoyable and sweet style.
The only problem that I have with this is its lack of capitalization, though that does seem to be your style when it comes to poetry. I have to say that, it does make it a bit tough to read that way, but even so, nice job on this one.
Another beautiful piece of yours.
Thank you for sharing.
Suggestions: Third line, "I can't begin," perhaps to 'I cannot begin' Perhaps use ellipses or dashes to represent pauses as they generally break up the work nicely and are more noticeable to a pause.
Errors:
Please bear with me on this, as there are plenty which, quite unfortunately, do distract from this beautiful poem you have created here. Fourth line - "darknes" should be 'darkness'. Fifth line - "the past,so lonely" - a space is needed after the comma. Tenth line - "realisation" should be 'realization'. Thirteenth line - "someplace,somewhere " - a space is needed after the comma. Also, a suggestion to place a comma after "somewhere". Fourteenth line - "soul weeps it's" - "it's" does not need an apostrophe and thus should be 'its'. Fourteenth line - "died on it's lips" - once again, "it's" used with an apostrophe makes it - 'it is', rather than showing possession. Sixteenth line - "your strory? But i seem" should be 'story' and "i" should be capitalized. Seventeenth line - "Not a story worth telling,i agree,not " - there are two spaces between "Not" and "a", also a space is needed after the comma, and "i" is to be capitalized Eighteenth line - "after i found a life that i never " - the "i"'s need to be capitalized. Nineteenth line - "They say you" and "and now i know" - there are two spaces between "say" and "you" and the "i" needs to be capitalized. Twentieth line - two instances where "i" needs to be capitalized. Twenty-first line - "befpre" is meant to be 'before' and a suggestion to put 'a' before "phase". Twenty-fourth line - may want to use a shorter ellipsis, as it generally is more powerful, too many periods distracts from purpose. Other problems noted - consistency - one instance of "'tis" and one word capitalized mid sentence. Perhaps it would be to your advantage to add more instances of these types throughout.
Now, that all that is past, onto the substance of the poem.
Excellent! I do hope that you will take the time to edit, because this piece you have written here is truly great. That is all that I can say.
Once edited I will be more than happy to give this the true rating that it deserves.
A definite suggestion of a good read to others.
I really do look forward to reading more of your work, if and when it is posted.
Thank you for sharing.
A beautiful tribute to your Grandma.
She sounds like a nice woman who did mean something to you and I am sorry for you loss.
This piece slows nicely.
Only suggestion that I could give it would be to add a dash after the line "I miss the beautiful flowers..." as you did in the "I miss" line before it. Also, to perhaps add periods at the end of lines.
I would not get so picky with the syllables as you state in your 'Note' at the beginning.
No suggestions to make the rhyming better, it is fine as is, might a bit nicer to just take out that note, perhaps.
Suggestions: First stanza, fourth line - remove the word 'blond' Second stanza, third line - remove "his mom asked", or at least put an end quote before it if you wish to let it remain as is. Fifth stanza does not seem to make much sense, "Dragging in mud uninvited", and yet he 'flies out the door', suggesting that he is inside, is mud inside?
Otherwise, once again, nice sweet poem you have here.
Very sweet piece here of a love somehow lost hoping they feel same as the narrator.
There is one problem to be noted:
In the fifth line, categorised is misspelled with an 's' that should be a 'z' and thus should be changed to the correct -categorized.
I do look forward to reading more of your work if and when it is posted.
Very inspiration piece here, whether or not you believe in a higher power you can gather something from this, it works for everyone.
It is sad for those who are caught in a routine, though some do better with it, getting lost when change is brought about. I hope the best for those people, but I, like you prefer the new.
One problem noted in this, in the last line - "others,or do" - a space is needed between the comma and 'or'.
Very nice set of poems of varied genres and styles, here in this folder
Some may be stronger than others as there are some bumps, though I do have complete faith in you, that you can pull them out with time.
I would suggest this to others needing a fair read.
Ah, the complexities of love.
Here its simplest truths are put in a nice, concise poem.
Everyone has their own stories when it comes to this topic, but everyone can gather their own meanings from this.
It has been done before, many times, but one cannot help but come back to it again and again.
After reading this, what could I have possibly thought?
This is beautiful.
Really, nicely done.
The only problems here is that you are a tad inconsistent in your capitalization of lines, I would suggest making them match up consistently, whether capitalize at each line, or after each ellipsis.
But again, great job on this one.
Encouraging. It is great that you are strong enough to say you can get past such a thing unrequited love, it is usually pretty hard on others. I hope this gets to people who could use such a good perspective on it in such a situation.
A suggestion to change the rating to ASR based on the first word in capitals, but nice opinion piece overall.
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change one of the genre's, perhaps technology, to humor