"What lies beyond the void umbra"
The very first line was so gripping that I never considered stopping. In the first few sentences, you have already won over a captive audience. "A mind afflicted with the fascination of the aberrant" is such a melodic description of the lusted stargazer. It is a sentiment that I strongly relate to and I love it! The use of vivid images and descriptions, yet only showing vague and uncertain shapes creates a beautiful sense of wonder, mystery and adventure. The whole journey has a certain "Lovecraftian" feel to it and I love the way you have captured the cosmic scale and unknowability.
The question of night and day and endless cycles is one of my favorite topics of writing. I'm very pleased to see it explored here. "... pearl beads placed in the fabric of the void" is one of my favorite parts of this piece. It gives the notion of a "false sky", and that countless wonders, terrors and unimaginable chaos lie beyond.
The way that you have grouped together parts of the journey under eye-catching titles is brilliant. The length of each section (and of course, the whole journey itself) is ideal so that I never felt stuck in one place. I also love how the journey ends where it started, with a profound question.
Couple of things that I think could improve:
Unless I'm reading it wrong, I think in the second paragraph you mean to say "... the darkness echoes fear".
I also think "What lies beyond the void umbra" would make an even better title to the journey, but I absolutely have no problem with the curent one. Just something to consider.
All things considered, a wonderful, and aptly proclaimed esoteric pieces. Great work, cheers!
Such a beautiful work on such an important and sensitive topic! I'm glad the balance between the message and the delivery are maintained so well. It's a pleasure to read poetry with a message, and this one delivers it just right. Thanks for sharing, cheers!
Very well written, clear and elegant. The topic, too, is one that is very sensitive and relevant to the current age. This particular structure is not one of my favorites, which is why I'm taking away a star, but that is simply my personal preference. Great job, keep it up!
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