Nice and simple. The light bulbs took me a while to get, but the tool-tip text helped.
One thing that I have told some of the other contestants, the If-you-want-the-prize rules asked (in bold font) for the poem form and rhyme scheme. The judge asks that you not edit the entry, but email her instead.
Wow, that was good. I understood everything at the first read-through.
One tip. The contest required you to "Kindly Mention the Form and Rhyme Scheme" as one of its required rules. The Judge also said that "Any poem submitted, that has not followed the rules will not be eligible for any prizes." and "If something needs to be edited in the post, please email me."
I initially chose the top choice - Handsome Auto Rewards, but then I saw the third one - combination of factors. If I like a story enough, I'll add a review with my P.E.N.C.I.L. group affiliation, but my main goal is the GPs.I do hope to be able to but an extended membership with the 'review money'
Wow! Drastic improvement of style from the last chapter. Congrats! If I may offer a few touch ups. In the first paragraph, you said "I'm distracted though, and can't really appreciate the romance of the surroundings." This would be a good place to put one of those fragment emphasizers. Make your grammar match his nervousness. If you used a full sentence, I would suggest something more along the line of "I'm distracted [EDIT]though; I can't[END EDIT] really appreciate the romance of the surroundings. Try reading it out loud. If a section doesn't sound like the way that you would normally speak, try editing it. Another method to improving would be to read the piece to a friend, and see what they think sounded a bit rough.
This section is well fleshed put. I was drawn along straight to the end. (Even though I would have liked it to continue a bit farther) The descriptions of the lodge were wonderful; as were his actions in it. I almost felt like I was there - which was amazing since I have always loved natural wood homes.
You captured his desire so well in this section. While reading this chapter, I was at the edge of my seat, waiting for what happened next. I look forward to reading the next section.
I think that this piece could become really touching with a bit of work.
I would suggest working on your sentence style first. The meaning was clear, but many of the thoughts could be cleaned up into less choppy sentences. Using fragments to emphasize an idea should be used sparingly. I don't know if you intentionally put huge spaces between paragraphs, but I would advise you to reduce it to one line.
Before I forget, I should mention that you need to update the rating. The characters swore several times, and you mention the word 'fling' even though you didn't describe it.
Content-wise, I think that this story needs to be fleshed out a bit. Starting in the middle of the story is a commonly used technique, but you need to fill in the beginning a bit better. I wasn't aware from the first read-through that they had never met in person, or how they met online in the first place. Also, Myra didn't explain why she re-started the relationship, or even why she broke it off.
I'm a bit confused about this piece. Why is God leaving, and why do you call Him a 'she'? Everywhere in the Bible, God is referenced as a male figure. Genesis also records that Adam, the first man, was created in God's image - male.
This was a sad poem. I hope that if you wrote this about yourself that God does bless you again.
Overall, this was a well-written story. It clearly portrayed an event in the life of a character. If this isn't part of a larger, I think that you should make it so. The conflict element was definitely there, but it was over too fast, and the character didn't have time to develop. Personally, I like happy endings and would like to see Fae get out of the cellar alive, to find out how she can see the ghosts, and to see how she will help the ghosts since she can see them.
Thank you for this beautiful poem. It describes so well the change and the joy in a life touched by Him. It makes me long even more for the time when I see Him face to face.
I hope that He blesses you as you continue to serve Him with the talent that He has given you. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for the link to the sigs. I do know a place where I can use it and I expect the people there to join in on Writing.com.
This article was well written and had very useful information. TSM had good advice and resources, as well as being conscious of netiquette (wow, spell check actually had that word listed)
This article tells it like it is. I too have felt the need for a more thought out, personal review, though I started using that technique for thank you cards. I also liked your idea about the review being good enough to make others want to read the story.
Keep up the good work.
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