Very powerful piece. Though I must admit it starts out a bit obtuse. In all honesty it starts out with me wondering if Carter is not imagining things. Almost as if you wanted to cascade into a mental problem with Carter and her own painful memories. That would have worked as far as I am concerned. Though Carter is not extremely developed, still she is to the point you could do that and make a very good story. This story is good. Though I felt jumped around a bit, (that could have been me), it was gathered well and laid out very well. In the end you did good using Carter’s problem as a red herring, I fell for it, and thus left the young boy innocent, which of course we find out differently. Very good. Keep Writing!!
Very nice. This is a rather dark piece. The presentation of a possible spirit, demon presence being the manipulating force is done rather nicely. I can see Celeste in her white flowing gown, and shiver when I read on about the demons and the piano. Wonderful and powerful use of imagery. This is a very haunting tale, and a joy to read. And John's discovery is priceless. Very well done, good job, keep it up
Let me start by saying this is a powerful piece. You have a knack for using “big words” which I think is good. You put a powerful picture in my head that is actually hard to describe. I consider this piece to be a tool to open the soul and you did so very well. When I read the first paragraph I thought it bouncy but after getting into it I realized it was a movement not a bounce. The imagery in this is very sound and strong. I must confess though that the line “Serendipity pounding my senses harshly” does throw me for somewhat of a loop. The ending is very powerful and leaves me with questioning not only myself but everything I desire. Very good. Keep up the good work.
Good. It is relaxing to see the world as through the eyes of a child. Even with a seemingly brief peek into Rudy’s family and friends you feel as if you know the 10 year old. As he makes his way to the Island, you do very well to explain his entire environment as well as give the reader a good look into his mind and soul. There is an underlying bit of humor that only an adult could truly grasp I think, but it is well done and enlightening. This is written well, I thoroughly enjoyed this. It is enlightening, and adventurous. You do well to show the reader the adventurism of this small 10 year old boy that is eager to experience all life has to over. You have a strong idea of Rudy’s situation, not only at home but with his bully friend and his girl ‘friend’. The last part with the struggle to get onto the island is very well explained. I almost felt the mud on my own face. Once at the island though, I was a bit confused as to what exactly Rudy was witnessing. Was it a dead human body, where murder is the only thought or am I going the wrong direction? I might have gotten confused or tried to think too much into the scene you described, due to you explaining the scene to the reader. You do a very good job letting the reader see through Ruby’s eyes. Over all very good, very good talent. Thank you for sharing your work here. Keep up the good work.
Ha! This is a funny, yet intriguing story. I had to laugh and yet read on trying to get to the end. It was captivating how you entangled the “ghost uncle”. This is a good wholesome story filled with intrigue, morals, and even a very serious lesson. The plot is beefed up and coddled every step of the way, but in a refreshing way that the reader never really notices. You are pulled into the story at every turn and once pulled all the way in, you find yourself wanting to know how it ends, if the uncle is dead or, as the story persists, alive and well. A very cleaver, funny serious story intermixed with a touch of comedy and a dash of mystery well mixed for a overall good time reading.
Rather slow in starting. Good, and to the point. There isn’t much character development but then you really don’t need it. Attention to detail is very good; I could almost feel the grass, the wind. A good short story, and is at the appropriate length; any longer would have been too long. Overall it is very good.
Well written. It does seem to jump a bit especially when describing Wheeler’s team. I first got the impression that it was an ordinary set up, only later when Wheeler is reflecting on his team did I realize the investigative structure, but that could just be me. Very good, keeps your attention and Wheeler is very well developed. Dunne and his history with Wheeler is good also. His character is not as developed as Wheeler but I am sure it is later on. I think the story line is good and strong, no real bogs, it really runs pretty smooth. I can’t wait to read the rest.
Extremely interesting and worth every word. I must say this is absolutely powerful and very thought out. It is very intellectual and yet keeps you at the edge of your seat. The details and turns are so real one would think you could reach out and touch it. The poem itself is almost inspiring and does indeed give insight. And your authors note was actually very helpful. You definitely have a work here you should be very proud of.
This one is a real tricky one. There is one place there is syntax error in the sentence, "but she was a heavy drinker was she was depressed and an average drug addict" And I must admit in the very beginning I thought that Amanda was a single parent. I truly could not completely follow the ending though it was very good and kept your attention. The ending could just be me being slow. Over all I would say this is good, it contains good structure and the plot is strong and riveting.
Oh WOW! This is very good. There is no other word. From the beginning I was completely hooked and could not read it fast enough. By the time I reached the part where the Detective was being a big pain, I was actually angry at the Detective and felt sorry for the main character. Then to read about the loss of job and being kicked to the curb by society was heart wrenching. The ending, GREAT! It proves there is justice in the world. Extremely good.
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