This is the review of title. Remember I am not a perfect writer, but I hope you find some helpful advice in this review.
Plot: I enjoyed the almost random telling of your story. Even though it, at first glance, seems like a bunch of random events thrown together, you always managed to tie the events in using the cat. I enjoyed how the story progressed smoothly even when you were jumping from event to event.
Grammar: The grammar in the piece was mostly correct all the way through. The only problems I saw was a few missed placed or left out commas. As a reminder, a comma always goes within a set of quotes.
Things I Liked: I enjoyed how you personified the cat through out the story. Giving the cat emotions, such as threatening you with your wife, transforms the cat from an object that you are talking about to a character that I enjoyed reading about.
Suggestions: The only suggestion I would make would be to go back and reread some of your sentences. Some of the wording throughout the piece didn't make sense. For example in the eighth paragraph, you have the sentence "It wouldn't want to go on very well." I think you meant to use the word "didn't."
Overall: Overall I enjoyed reading this piece. I thought it was a simple fun read that read quickly and kept me entertained.
Aways keep writing and exploring your creative nature!
Hey! I am reviewing your piece as a student in the Rockin’ Review Academy. I am by no means a perfect writer, so I hope that you take my review only as helpful advice.
Things that I enjoyed:
1. I liked the plot of the story. The way it is written almost feels like a dream like quality which amplifies the fact that the character isn’t completely sure what happens. It is also a topic that not many people venture to try and cover, so I commend you on writing about such a taboo topic. The fact that the dream like quality is destroyed by the positive pregnancy test help add to the finality of the last paragraph.
2. I also like the sentence structure of your piece. The beginning is abrupt as if the reader is joining in on her waking up from a nightmare. As the piece goes on, the writing it lacking in details about the characters as though the main character can’t remember them. I like this aspect because it helps the audience feel as the main character feels which allows them to connect more to the character.
3. The flow of you piece was also very well written. I like how you keep bring up the question on whether or not her memory is a dream. It keeps the audience wanting to know the answer. The last paragraph ties in the whole piece by answering the much demanded question. I also like how you ended the piece with the climax. It leaves the audience with the shocked feeling that the character must also feel.
Things you could work on:
1. Some of the sentences in your piece seem abrupt. For example in the first paragraph when you say “. . . Lisa cried” then start your next sentence with “Lisa,” it makes the sentences seem repetitive. I would suggest that you combine or use pronouns instead or her actual name. It would help the reading flow of your piece.
2. Another thing that I would think about is how to describe the aftermath of the party. You describe a horrible event of date rape then you follow it up by saying “It was some party.” To me, it sound blaze about the whole affair. Any sympathetic emotional connection that has been established with is ended with that sentence. Lisa doesn’t seem bother by the fact that she wakes up with no memory and her shirt undone. I would suggest going back and adding more emotions into that section.
3. Finally the connection between the beginning of the piece and the end is slightly confusing. At the beginning of your piece, Lisa is just waking up from the nightmare while at the end she is looking at a pregnancy test. I would suggest adding in some detail about her taking the test or waiting for the result. That way the beginning ties into the end more and completes the piece better.
Overall I think it was a good piece. It’s not a topic that is approach by many people, so I commend you on your effort.
Shine on,
Aerona
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I like the simplicity of your poem. The rhyme scheme is easy to follow and makes it a joy to read. I also really enjoy the idea you portray that we are all connected through the stars. The only comment I have, and it may just be my personal opinion, but if you add punctuation to your poem, it might make it easier for the reader to understand. Just a thought.
This is an amazing piece. I love how you tie in the changing of the furniture with the changing of the couples lives. Sometimes the simple things in life bring the most happiness. I also love how to attach the changing of the weather with the changing of his attitude. I can almost see his spirits lift when the sun comes back.
There's only one thing that I really noticed that is grammatically wrong. In the 6th paragraph, "than" should be "then." "Then" is used when you are dealing with time.
This story is delightfully creative. I don't think I could have ever come up with a plot such as this. I love the way you describe the colors. I can vividly see each description. The meaning of the story, I think, is also an important element. Society today almost forces emotions onto people and never truly allows for people to be themselves. I love that your main character decides to stand up against her culture and just be herself-no matter how "gray" it may be.
The only thing I would comment on would be the abrupt ending. The end left me wanting to know more about what was happening. Had Skarla known all along she would change if you chose to be herself? It seems that she isn't surprised by the occurrence.
I love your description throughout the piece. The way you paint the setting adds to the mood of the poem. It's almost as though the two lovers create a world of their own where reality falls into the background, giving the piece a surreal feel.
This is a chilling read. I was pleasantly shocked at the twist at the end. I think you did a good job of building up the suspense, and I like how you wrote it as though the character was writing it herself. It really makes you rethink the definition of guilty and innocent.
I would first like to say that you are a strong person. Many people struggle with an obsession with their weight and to be able to do what you have done and talk about it is inspiring.
There are a few grammatical errors that you might want you take a look at.
"why is there a tweleve year old who is ad skinny as a twig at the gym" I think you meant "as skinny as..." Also, treadmill is spelled with an "a."
I'm glad you are doing well now and are happy with the person you have become. I wish you all the best.
This is really fun to read. I enjoy how the piece flows and have to admit the use of Psychology as a theme brings me back to my college Psy class. You did a good job interweaving the different psychologist and psychological elements.
Shine on,
Aerona
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aeronaday
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:31pm on Nov 12, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Plot: I enjoyed the almost random telling of your story. Even though it, at first glance, seems like a bunch of random events thrown together, you always managed to tie the events in using the cat. I enjoyed how the story progressed smoothly even when you were jumping from event to event.