\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ablackie
Review Requests: OFF
11 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Deadly Love  Open in new Window.
Review by madamlibby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This has a very 1950s feel to it. The structure is good. But I couldn't understand why Sally thought Johnny was "all that." I would have liked to see a little

more about their relationship and how he lead her down this road. I couldn't understand how she had gotten to this point either. The description of the

crime also didn't ring true to me. If Johnny has nothing but contempt for her, and has no idea how she will react in this situation, why bring her along?

Wouldn't she be in the way? Who called the cops? And why waste time with food and magazines? Wait until the clerk comes back in and opens the

cash drawer, take the money and beer and then either shoot him or lock him in the bathroom. (Sorry, I watch a lot of real-life crime stories.) You have a

good idea here though. I would encourage you to re-visit it - maybe start backwards from the aftermath of the crime and have Sally explain why she did

what she did, if she can.
2
2
Review by madamlibby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I'm not usually a fan of poetry, but this really struck me. I loved the imagery (the weezeless worm that lives on)

and the idea that there is so much going on right in front of us that we are seemingly incapable of doing

anything about. A really good job.
3
3
Review by madamlibby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
There's a lot of 'telling" in the first 4 paragraphs. It needs more action right at the beginning. The history of the main characters is important, but it slows the

pace considerably to have it all right at the beginning. I think it's better to learn bits and pieces as the story plays out. I liked the part about the flowers and

the scent of them bringing back sad memories for Shandrell. I think with some work this will be a interesting piece.
4
4
Review of The Dark  Open in new Window.
Review by madamlibby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had to smile when I read this. I have a book of Victorian ghost stories and this reminded me very much of them. I was surprised at the end to discover that

the protagonist was only 5 years old. From the vocabulary and tone I expected him to be much older. The five-year-olds I've met aren't this articulate. Maybe

if you added a line or two about how he is advanced for his age it wouldn't be such a jolt. I liked this very much other than that.
4 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ablackie