I've never read a poem in this format before. It's very breathy, I can feel the pauses but some of the ending words seem too abrupt to end on. It feels like running short of breath, it's an interesting effect. My main criticism is that the punctuation feels like it gets in the way where some lines end and then begin with a punctuation disrupting the flow a bit. Otherwise, I think it's effective in the format and subject.
I really like the message of this story, and the tone if it. It's biting and critical of the choices we don't make. I really feel that it speaks to me and my own indecisions/lack of drive. The only bit of it that I found a little off was the transition from speaking in general, to 1st person. It was like you were talking to me first, and then in a mirror.
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