I wake every morning seeing how i let my self belief erode. I became a victim of my own well meaning choices until i became an escape artist to rival houdini my chains were bottles of vodka i slowly sat and explained to people who only listened as i melted my mind and they still sat as i tried to explain further. I drank i know that was my choice but i explained expecting that they would reach out and say i know. I moved out of my parents house at the end of my 4th semester studying for a bsc and i agreed it was what we should dobecause my twin cousins mother was about to die. I did right by them and now i get smirks. So everyday i see it a little bit more as i feel hurt. How can a lifetimes open and sharing be so easily manipulated? That question consumes me and my afterthought is they are not considering you at all. I sat walking one of them through everystep of every chore just to make sure he knew how to do it. I have fought and made it known that he cant be hit without a reprisal. All in his presence, yet he watches me slowly deteriorate after telling him all i know and can hold back from reassuring me when i was in need. I live with him now and see how little regard he has for us the family that stepped in when he and his sister were about to be sent into care. I see now that they resented us after losing their mum ( my auntie chris ) I keep telling myself to tolerate their sniping and i do but now and then i flip and lose it. It would not be difficult to cause problems for either of them yet i do not wish to hurt them i am not so spiteful. I am pretty much alone i see them often and watch how they disrespect what we have tried to do. The pair cosey up with the others who did nothing and smirk in my way. I have been dealing ok with it. Enough for now |