Remember - a critique is just someone else's opinion. I see some changes you could consider, changing The Sky from free verse into rhyming poetry with metered lines. 2nd line add 'is' then add 'is keeping' = who is your creator that is keeping you so high? (this makes it 12 syllables matching 12 above) 3rd line change 'with' to 'each' that will change 'stars' into 'star' (this makes it rhyme with the next line - and both are 8 syllables) 5th line drop 'and' replace with a comma (now is 11 syllables) 6th line make more plaintive, an create 11 syllables by beginning with 'Oh,' then add 'so' between 'fly' and 'high?' Easy - keep, or toss, my suggestions - foxtale |
I counted wrong - the changes to line 2 makes it 13 which matches 13 in the first line. |