Love Not Returned

To.......
I'm not going to give you this letter or to anyone else. I am just writing this as a part of my 'getting over' process. I know that it wont ever work as i have tried but it is to hard, so hard. it's a bit silly isn't it? I know i'm not good enough for you, well thats what i feel like at the moment. I just feel powerless to change your mind to love me as i love you.
I wont pressure you or do stupid things like what danielle did. I know that would push you away further. I don't want that, like last year i felt lost & i didn't know what to do with myself, slowly i did get over you and did feel independant and i was glad that i stopped being jealous again. but when you wanted to become friends again i knew it world be hard to go the same way as we were but i promised myself i wouldn't get involved like i was. I like the new me as now i'm more independant. Damm sorry if i repeated myself. I didn't mean to, but i lost my train of thought. I have so much to say but it's all blank. I wish i had a tape recorder with me so i can say all the things on my mind. This year i wanted everything to be different, no fights, bickering nothing like that. You are my best friend in the whole wide world but my feelings is stronger than normal friendships need to be.
You wouldn't believe how long i have held it all in. And the times you find out about you rejected me, because we are best friends you did do it gently. Which i thank you. Don't ask me why i feel this way, i just do. I know i will love another like i love you someday but proberly not as much as you. Its stupid that i'm writing this to you.
You're so young and immature still, so am i and this age your not suppose to fall in love, unless your fortunate enough to find it. I just don't know what to do. Jess had told me to get over it and find someone better. The truth is I will never give up on you. Even if that sounds crazy but i will never find a guy who cares as much for me as you do and you wont find a girl like me ever again. I know thats a little vain but it's true. I don't know why i'm writing this for. All you need to know that I love you and i will love you whatever happens. If your tall, big, skinny with no job etc. I'm sorry i know this is freaking you out. I do want you to know how i feel but i know you wouldn't want to. As i'm not the girl you want. Your the boy i want. I think of all the romantic movies and think why can't i have that. I know it's not really life. I know its letter will get into your or anyone else's hands. So i'm saddened by the fact i can never tell you the way i feel towords you and the way u make me feel, like i'm someone important, like i matter to other than my family. I hope i made you feel that way also. I've alawys wanted you to feel special. I dream the day you have me and i have you, in my arms. I know it sounds wierd and might be thinkng i'm not the one you want but you will be the one for me. I have known you for years and why waste a friendship for only a friendship.
I don't know why you don't want me but i do have some theories. I might be too fat or ugly but i can change that. Maybe its my personality or my physical problem, i can't change that as they make me a individual and special from the rest of the world. I wouldn't change a thing about you because i like the way you are. Just the way you are.
I can't believe i'm saying all these. I think i've said too much. I never intended to make a fool out of myself by telling you my feelings. I wish you sould feel the same. I'm just repeating myself now. I thought they left but they are so strong at the moment i can't control myself. I can't concertrate on anything. I can't stop thinking about you whenever i hear a song or see a movie. I always have you on my mind.
Have you ever tried to get out of bed and think there is not point of going to school or even getting out of bed? Today i felt i have no purpose, no point of doing the things i usually do. I just see no point of getting out of bed because i didn't want to live a life without you loving me. Oh man this is so pathetic. I feel so mad because of the way i feel inside.
'One day you will come to me and ask 'what is more important, me or your life' I'll say my life & you'll walk away never knowing you are my life'