Ill-Gotten Kiss

It had been a long winter. It started in late October with temperatures well below freezing for a week, then an Election Day snow that completely covered the upper Midwest until St. Patricks Day, when temperatures finally rose above 40 degrees. Patches of grass began to appear where once was white. Save for a late season snow on the 21st of April, the weather continued to stay warm. Finally, on April 30th, the sun came out and baked the landscape. Snow banks were reduced to mere puddles of water rushing towards the nearest gutter. Winter was officially dead.

Tony couldn’t wait to get outside. He’d been sleeping with his baseball mitt for weeks, ever since pitchers and catchers reported for spring training. Tony was inside the garage tossing a tennis ball against the overhead door every chance he could get out there in his fall jacket. In his mind, he felt he was conceived to play baseball. He couldn't wait much longer for Spring to arrive.

So, when recess time came, he was first in line to race out on the playground to stake his claim on the ball diamond, before the girls took over right-center field for another rousing game of Kiss Or Kill. The game was simple, a girl chose an unsuspecting guy, and he’d either have to kiss her or beat her up. Since nothing good ever came of a fight with a girl, most guys simply gave in and puckered up.

To Tony, their game was a waste of prime outfield space. He had to act fast. His brothers in arms were right behind him, knowing what was at stake. The first game of the year would be on the nicest day to date, and the girls were simply going to have to gather somewhere else. They were ready to stampede out to the field, as if to out-run the bulls at Pampalona, and may God have mercy on the poor soul standing in the way.

The bell rang, and Tony bolted out of the classroom down the hall, like a quarter horse dashing to the finish line. The rest of the guys were one step behind him, marching on the back baseball diamond ready to play. Tony had the ball, Richard had the bat, and the rest carried their gloves, except for Jacob, who forgot his. He carried the red plastic bases. Up ahead, the field awaited…

…with bulldozers parked on it.

The school district had planned to use the space for extra parking. The soccer fields nearby were busy seven nights a week, and local residents were upset at the on-street parking in front of their house. Since the baseball complex on the other side of town housed the city little league teams, there was little use for the diamond at the school. So, by a 5-0 vote, the corner diamond was about to become an extension to the parking lot.

Tony turned to look for plan “B”. Both soccer fields were in use by the sixth grade classes. The grassy patch behind the monkey bars was crowded with kids, playing duck duck goose or Barbie Dolls. Even the forbidden vacant lot across the street was occupied by a lawn care service. Today’s game was called on account of paved paradise, to be made up after school.

The eight guys stood along the first-base line, dreams of glory dashed. What was left to do for twenty minutes? Richard skipped out on a library pass to finish his spelling sentences to play, all for naught. The group looked up at the machines of destruction in amazement. They had dreams of glory that couldn’t be matched by any power in the universe, and in a few short weeks, those dreams would make way for soccer moms and their mini-vans full of soccer players and coolers full of oranges and Sunny D’s.

Contempt turned to fear when a shrill voice taunted from behind. It was the girls again. Unlike baseball, their game could be played anywhere. Today, they chose to play it right where the first-base bench should have been. Today’s target of affection, Tony.

Tony had been in this predicament before, back in the fall. Rose wanted to kiss him once. She actually was sort of cute, but that was when football was king. He didn’t want to miss the game, so he shoved Rose out of the way and joined the huddle for the first play. The girls told on him, and the teacher aides reprimanded him for pushing people. No detention for the push, but Tony still sat in the office during music class while the facts were sorted through.

After that, the girls pretty much left him alone. Paul was the usual target. He was the handsome guy the girls fawned over. He was tall, strong, and had a deep voice for a ten-year old. When he wasn't acing the latest math test, he was usually in the music room practicing with the District Choir. During the winter, his fashion statement consisted of a tweed jacket and a scarf resembling piano keys. He wasn’t afraid to kiss the girls, either. He never participated in the games, be it football, baseball, or King of the Hill, but what mattered to the fourth grade boys was that he took the fall for them.

Paul was in Illinois for a funeral, opening up the chances for the girls to find someone new to get romantic with at recess.

Tony turned to the girls when he heard his name. There were at least 20 in the crowd today. Three of them came from the fifth grade class. They were all grinning at him. Tony thought briefly that they were all after a kiss from him. However, they were all lined up on behalf of one very lucky girl.

Amy moved forward. She was sort of the teacher's pet in that she could get their attention whenever it suited her needs. She was tall and skinny, with blond hair and a perpetual sneer. She always appeared as though you were hiding dirty socks under your shirt for personal amusement. Most of the kids were afraid of her and her wrath, finding life to be much easier when she was happy.

“Tony,” she teased in her nasally voice. “It is time for you to kiss or kill…

“Renee.” The crowd parted and Renee stepped to the front, beaming like she’d won the lottery.

Tony groaned. Renee had a face like a horse. Her hair was dark brown and long, tied up in a pony tail. She was the tallest girl in the class, and had it bad for Tony since they were paired up on a field trip to the zoo. This was her big moment, and she was ready.

Tony wasn't ready for this. He wanted to hit a long drive into the gap and round the bases in record time, sliding into home with the first of what would surely be many inside-the-park home runs this season. Kissing horse-face Renee wasn’t part of the fantasy.

It killed Tony to know there was nothing else to occupy his time. With no game, he had to confront his feelings about the game. He wondered why teacher aides didn’t do something about this insanity. If it were the guys singling out a girl, there’d be all sorts of trouble.

He turned to his friends. Most had abandoned the potential for a game and went on their way. They’d been a part of this before, and it was never easy to view another get targeted. It was sort of a code, where if one got chosen, the rest would split, leaving the intended victim to fend for himself. At least that way, they wouldn’t be witness to the fall of a comrade’s pride.

Richard and Ben struck up catch while the rest made a dash for the edge of the grounds. Tony was alone, facing a mob thirsting for humiliation. There was no way out.

Tony began to think of a wrestling show he’d watched one Sunday morning. In it, there was a handsome gentleman trapped in the ring as the three bad guys surrounded him. They didn’t attack him right away, they slowly descended upon him. It was as if they were happier to see the young man writhe in agony over the beating they would administer than beat him. They crept closer, and he resigned to his fate when suddenly, his four friends rushed the ring to saved the day for him. The bad guys, sensing the plan was foiled again, ran out of the ring in the nick of time, shaking their fists as they made their way to the back.

Tony was looking for a hero to save his day. If he were to fight off the mob, he’d get killed. Twenty girls was a lot to overcome at any age. Amy was advancing slowly, just like the bad guys on TV. “Go on Tony,” she taunted. “What’s it gonna be? Kiss, or kill?”

Amy had piercing blue eyes to match her blond hair. Most times, she led the charge on a guy. It occurred to Tony as he stared into her eyes that she never kissed anyone, not even Paul. She was persuasive, bossy, and intimidating. She had no friends, just kids afraid to disobey her.

Amy was now standing directly in front of Tony. “Well?” she demanded. “What about it? Are you gonna do this, or are you gonna push her down?” Tony’s eyes fell on Rose, surrounded by the three fifth graders. They remembered last fall. Tony then studied the mob and decided that escape wasn’t going to happen at all. It occurred to Tony that he might get killed by the crowd, even if he chose to kiss.

Sensing this, Richard acted quickly. His throws, usually waist-high to Ben, suddenly became wild. He lofted a throw well over Ben’s head, aiming for Amy’s back. It was a softball, it would probably just sting her at best. She’d tell, he’d say it was an accident, and the game of Kiss or Kill would be over for the day.

The throw stayed airborne further than he thought it would. It did strike Amy, right in the back of her head. Her raging eyes, daring Tony to challenge her authority, instantly changed to shock as she tried desperately to reach back to where the ball had hit her. The tears, slow to come, instantly poured out of her eyes like rain as she fell to the ground in agony. The game was forgotten to the mob of girls, most of whom ran to the teacher’s aide for help. The rest ran to Amy’s side.

Tony and Renee were left. Something came over Tony. After all, Renee just wanted a kiss. So, while everyone was scrambling for order, Tony walked over to Renee and kissed her. It was quick, yet he noticed she smelled like flowers. It was over so fast, yet they stared at each other long enough to realize what just happened. She smiled slowly as he smirked out the corner of his mouth. The deed was done, quick and painless.

Renee methodically turned to Amy, who was now wailing for a doctor or something. Tony reached down for the softball, which had rolled to his feet. He cocked to throw it to Bed, then noticed he was making kissy faces at him. So, he rolled his eyes and tossed it to Richard, who threw it back to Tony, starting up a game of Pickle In the Middle. The bell rang three minutes later, just as the teacher’s aides got Amy up off the ground and into the nurses office.

As the boy’s went back to the classroom, they knew they’d have to act fast after school. That vacant lot would not remain vacant all day, and they had to get that game in.