Basketball Journal–The Tall,Lone Ranger

Basketball Journal – 14th May 2005 – Morning – The Tall, Lone Ranger

Once upon a time, five years after the second millennium in the age of the modernity and technology, there lived a short, dark and black, four-eyed bouy who thinks he is taller than Yao Ming and Shaq’, that the basketball legend, Michael Jordan, is even afraid of him. He believes he shoots better than McGrady, moves faster than Jason Kidd, plays better than Iverson and dunks better than Kobe Bryant and Vince Carter combined! Like he could, that is.

Who is this stupid midget? Why who else could it be? The whole world should know him by now since he is that “big”. He is none oher than Daryll Ooi, a freakin’ idiot of class 3D. What makes him so special? Nothing, really, just his “ability” to “play” basketball. He never “loses” a match. At least that’s what he considers, because when he does “I didn’t eat breakfast and dinner mah” “My leg pain ah I cannot jump ah” “Aiyah because my hand so painful I cannot shoot properly” “I lose because of my shoes bah” “Shaddap lah, it’s because I wear lousy shoes mah(he was wearing AND1 shoes, one of the most recommended shoes in the market for playing basketball)” “I ‘poi’ you lah because I didn’t wear my shoes”…etc. So you see, even the world’s leading shoe creators like Nike are having a headache trying to create the ultimate shoes that not even Magic Johnson can afford to buy. But still, this short moron says the same thing…

Now, on one fine early morning when the Sun has not yet touched the sky, there lived four happy boys playing on the Taman Pelita basketball court. A skinny one named Jayme, a fat one named Ngin Jion and twins Hayden and Belden. They were playing blissfully with each other and a ball when suddenly dark clouds blocked out the Sun. The boys think this was normal but then again a second thought came to them. A dark black car drove by the court as the dark black clouds follow it then when the dark black car stopped, out came a short dark black boy. “OMG! I thought Daryll go Boat Club?!” Jayme cried out. “Leslie twisted his leg so the trip was cancelled. Samuel also coming here.” Daryll said.

And so the four boys and one short dark black boy had to play together. The four boys were playing with the short dark black boy with happy faces but grim herats. Then a car approached them. Out came another dark black boy but this time taller, Samuel. The four boys and two dark black boys now had to play together. Sooner or later, another car came and Lester made his presence onto the court. Now there are five boys and two dark black boys on the court. A match is called to kill the boredom. In one corner, Hayden, Belden and Lester joined forces to construct a powerful team. In the other corner, two dark black boys, Daryll and Samuel, and Ngin Jion and Jayme.

The match commences…then ended a while later. What is the result? Good news, Lester’s team beat/chow/sayured/goring Daryll’s team, 21-5 with Daryll ranked as the roughest and stupidest player of the match, bagging more than 15 fouls in his pocket in a single match! At the end of it, Daryll and Samuel ‘bu-gan-yen’ the winners. A reason to this is probably because the tall Lester had a very nice time watching a short dark black boy jumping into the air trying to get Lester’s ball, which in each situation Daryll never had the chance to actually touch Lester’s ball! Another reason is probably because of the twins, always catching Daryll red-handed in his foul plays and with Hayden mazingly blocking his ball clean even though Jayme was in Hayden’s way! Daryll said his wrist hurts a lot (the scars of being blocked by Hayden affects him greatly).

But Daryll’s and Samuel’s ‘bu-gan-yen-ess’ didn’t end there. Daryll challenged Lester to a 1-on-1 basketball match. Lester agreed but to play only in the ‘key’ but Daryll declined. Daryll propsed to play half-court so Lester had no choice but to accept. To spice things up, Daryll made a bet with Lester, RM50 on the line. Wow…the short dark black boy seems confident. Then, as if to be the chosen one, a spot of sunlight touched the tall, lone ranger…Lester. At the same time, it’s like a cloud of fog covered Lester’s body and the angels were singing his name. “What the hell? Where did all this smoke come from?!” Hayden cried out and then Jayme shouted, “Ngin Jion! Stop singing Lester’s name!”

Boom! Daryll’s ball. Den-Den! Ball checked! Daryll shoots! Bap! Missed! Stupid boy! Lester grabs the ball! He goes in! He scores! 1-0! Lester’s ball. Ball checked. Lester goes in! He scores! 2-0! Well what would you expect? A tall, big strong boy versus a short dark black boy…what are the odds, right? Lester’s ball. Ball checked. Lester goes in! He shoots! He…misses. Daryll grabs the ball and shoots! He scores….that was lucky. 2-1. Daryll’s ball. Ball checked. He decides to go in but can he do it? He passes the ball under Lester’s legs and Daryll slides!…no wait, he slipped. Stupid boy, he forgot that he’s not wearing shoes (probably because he could use that as a reason if he loses). And so, the ball rolls out. Lester’s ball. Ball checked. Lester goes in! Piit! Foul by Daryll! Lester’s ball. Ball checked. Lester goes in! Piit! Foul by Daryll! Again! And this goes on and on until Daryll has so many fouls that we had to change the word ‘many’ into ‘much’ until the score end up in 4-1, with Daryll of course, with the 1. it’s match point for Lester and he needs one more ball to win the game, and not to mention, 50 bucks! Daryll, again, bu-gan-yen takes offhis t-shirt and puts on his “special” basketball jersey…yeah yeah…like that would make him any better. Daryll’s coach, Samuel shouts his lungs out at Daryll cheering him on with strategies but all seem to be of no good. Lester’s strategy, with sweat pouring all over him, all he has to do is stick as much sweat as he can into Daryll’s face! Daryll’s strategy, being not a very bright person and a very dark boy, he intends to shoot all his balls from 3-point range and as a result, all of them miss and he has to waste an enormous amount of energy just by trying to recover the ball from Lester. Like I said, stupid boy!

The final point is still to be determined. Lester’s ball. Ball checked. Lester goes in! Fwoop! He scores! Yay!!! 5-1!!! But wait, the short dark black boy says Lester “elbowed” him. Alas, what can referees Hayden and Belden do? They had to give Lester the foul otherwise Daryll would think the referees are cheating on him and that he would be the only one to commit ALL the fouls in that match! Awww…we don’t want that to happen, now do we? Nevermind lah, pity him nya.

So what do you think? Do you think Daryll could make another point now that the ball is in his hands? Don’t need to think so far ahead lah! Let’s just see what happens next. Daryll shoots! Misses! Again for like the 100th time already! Lester grabs the ball! He goes in! Wide open! Everything was in slow motion. Again, the angels sing his name. “Fat boy! Stop singing!” Bap, Boom, Bang, Fwoop! Tadaa!!! Now Lester has officially won the match! 5-1! Daryll had to pack up his bags and walk away with Samuel on the path of shame and this time saying he is hungry. Yup, Lester the victor, tired and exhausted was greeted by a small group of four and 50 bucks soon to be in his pocket by Daryll’s word…otherwise Lester’s father will pay an unpleasant visit to Mr. Ooi’s residence!