A Slice of Reality

A Slice of Reality

         Shadows of sadness have crept from their hiding spots, out of corners and out from under beds, and into my heart and soul. As a result, the even brightest lights of happiness will never reach the dark and shadowy depths of my inner self. Exactly when the shadows made their way inside of me I'm not quite sure, but what I am sure of is they will always be there. The emotions that I must have felt at some point in time are gone, I'm only able to feel the pain, anger, and sorrow that is attached to everything this life has thrown me.
         Those who tell me "everyone has problems" and "you dwelling in the negative" are to a point correct. For as long as I can remember or choose to remember I have been this way because it's all that I have known and all I've been for many years. This is how I cope; it's how I make it through the day. My life is like living in a maze that never seems to end, with no way out. People think that I am strange or demented because my way of copping is different from the norms that society has instilled in us, but really I'm no different than you. There is only one small thing that I do to make me feel that separates me from you;

I am a cutter.

         Along with the blood that begins to flow from my 'wound' also comes a sense of release and relief. The world around me for a few mere moments makes sense. The thing that people don't understand is that is doesn't hurt me. I control the amount of pain I do or don't feel. Compared to the other things I've been through, this is nothing. Only people see it as an "abnormal" and "wrong" way to cope, "it's just not healthy" I once heard someone say. Only the thing is, to me cutting is healthy, it's the only thing keeping me from ending my pain...for good.