Cry

I don't know completely how I feel.
I don't know why I should feel like killing myself. I have reason after reason to do it, I have methods and means. There is nothing stopping me from doing it, not even my family cares, there is no love in my life.

My selfesteem is through the deepest hole of the earth, I look at myself in a mirror and want to cry and scream, then I realize how good it would look in that hole in the ground and decide to do something.

This is my last hope, my endless letter, my open message to my so-called loved ones and family. I hope that you get what you deserve, and to the so-called man that you get what you deserve in the next life for what you have done to me you dirty ugly horrible bastard. You married my sister then take my virginity and innocence and then turn my flesh and blood against me with your supposed innocence. I can't beat that, not with all the armies in the world.

I cry so hard and wish that anyone believed me about it. I wish so hard that people would accept it and turn their back on you and you would only get a taste of what I see when you enter the room. I want it to go back to the normal days of my father's yelling at me, the normal stuff, the days of trust of my parents, when you didn't cause them to look at me with disgust and horror that I could be such a liar as you made me out to be.

I know that it will never go back to what it was, this world is just a never ending shit hole that I wondered into one day, probably looking for the bathroom so that I could be ready to chuck when I see you coming.

There's no sound from family when I do it. Only crying. No one will really miss me in the long run, we all die eventually anyway, this way I'm just helping it along a little bit, besides if I get any more determined I'll come up with the best idea that no one will be able to stop me from doing, yes you all know what I'm talking about, my ending it all, my suicide.

The only thing that I would regret was not doing it sooner, it would have saved so much pain from the people who actually tried to help me, who tried to get to know me, who didn't stop being my friend after I told them what happened.

I've got to go now....

I wait for your reply, if I don't get it too late.

Love Erica