Refined (and Defined) by Fire

When I was a month shy of my sixteenth birthday,
I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis . . .

That one sentence has impacted my life more than anything else in the twenty six years since that time.

I learned about family - and how much mine loved me and rallied around me, as their hearts broke along with mine.  And in the midst of all of that I learned how fortunate I was and how much I loved my family in return.

I learned about pain - and the impact that chronic pain has on the heart, soul, body, mind, and spirit of a human being.  And from that, I learned how to be sensitive and caring toward others who are experiencing pain.

I learned about compassion - and the existence of people who practice it without ceasing, without giving thought to themselves, and who have, in turn, inspired me to try to practice it.

I learned about the dark night of the soul - and how to endure it by clinging onto the hope that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, and ultimately finding the light which was there all along.

I learned about love - and the different forms in which it comes, including and perhaps most importantly, the ability to love oneself, and as a result, being able to share that love with others.

I learned about loss - and having to give up things that I loved to do because I was no longer physically able to do them.  And in the process, I discovered new things to do that I now love that I might otherwise not have tried.

I learned about friendship - and how a loving friend is a true gift who can help take away some of the pain and all of the loneliness, and how to offer friendship in return whenever I am able.

But most of all I learned that "life happens" - and it happens to all of us.  No matter who we are or where we live or what we do, LIFE happens. And part of life includes facing physical and emotional challenges that we never in our wildest dreams imagined we could persevere.

Someone once asked me, "If you could go back in your life and change one thing that happened to you, what would it be?"

They assumed, of course, I'd say, "I would never have been stricken with Rheumatoid Arthritis."

I didn't say that, though, because if I hadn't gone through what I went through, all of it, every bit of it, I wouldn't be the person  I am today.  I wouldn't know the things I know, and I wouldn't have the gifts I have because of those life experiences.

A month shy of turning 42, I can honestly say that the worst, most painful, most challenging experience of my life turned out to be the one that taught me the most, and is the one I couldn't live without.  Perhaps it's easy to say that now, ten years into a remission, doing much better than ever (with only a few aches and pains here and there).  Perhaps...

Nonetheless, when I was a month shy of my sixteenth birthday, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis . . . and because of the entirety of that experience, I am the woman that I am today.