Forever and Always

9th Grade

Chapter 4

As the first day of high school drew closer, I became less nervous. I was excited to see Alice and Emma again. I remember the day going back to school being a happy one. It was always a bit of a bummer to come back from vacation but not as much that year. On the first day, I sat next to Emma on the bus and told her a little about the summer I had.

Alice looked slightly different. She didn’t look quite as thin to me. I figured that she was probably eating more often and that made me happy. I hugged Alice when I saw her and she hugged me back.

Starting high school was one of those things that seemed scarier than it actually was. The high school was bigger than the middle school. It had upstairs hallways. I think the bigger space led to some added intimidation. Once I was actually in high school any nervousness I had fell by the wayside pretty quickly. Alice and my other friends made it bearable.

I had algebra class with Ben and that was nice. The teacher seemed relaxed about people talking during class so I talked to him often. Just as long as it wasn’t while he or his assistant were talking to the class.

I made friends with a guy named Steve. He was fun to talk to. He made a lot of inappropriate jokes and showed me memes. One time he said that a woman’s vagina was like a bag of mysteries and I found that funny. There was also a rather crass joke about an icicle. There was a brief period when Alice had a crush on Steve and I got a little nervous when I realized he didn’t like her back. Although by that point she had apparently moved on. In true teen fashion.

Alice introduced me to her friend named James. I never spent much time alone with James. I pretty much only saw him when he was with Alice. He’s a mildly mannered guy and pretty nice. We’re still friends to this day. Even if we still don’t talk much.

Another friend I had made was named Hope. She was a short girl. Not much taller than Cece, Drake’s younger sister. Hope and I talked often in the ninth grade. She also self harmed and even showed me her scars a few times. I didn’t know quite how to react but I listened to her vent about her problems. I think she appreciated having someone to talk to without judgment. I told her that Alice self harmed as if to say that she wasn’t alone.

It was in high school that I met one of my best guy friends during those years, Corey. He was a middle schooler that was in the same grade as Emma. So we usually talked on the bus. We had a lot of common interests. Like Steve, he was known to make some inappropriate remarks. Sometimes our conversations devolved into a dirty version of “would you rather”. Sometimes he was a little too hyperactive but I enjoyed his company anyway.

While navigating the beginnings of high school, I made it a point to keep in touch with Maria. I asked Alice if it was okay if I told Maria that she self harmed and she told me it was. So I opened up to Maria about the details of helping Jane quit. It was nice to let her in. Sometimes I vented to her about when Alice self harmed. I didn’t want to admit it to Alice, but whenever she did that to herself, it always hurt. Talking about it with someone helped.

It wasn’t long until Drake started football season again. I usually sat next to my aunt and we talked while he practiced. Drake usually would talk to me a little when they took breaks from practicing. I liked to watch the scrimmages before their first official games. It became a telltale sign that fall was close.

I remember one day when I talked to my aunt, I had casually mentioned I was interested in seeing the new Resident Evil movie that was released around that time. Sometime later, we went to see it and I enjoyed it. I liked how action packed it was. Retribution was the only one of those movies I saw in theaters.

That September, I turned fifteen years old. Alice gave me my first ever volume of the Naruto manga. Naruto is a popular manga and anime about a child ninja who dreams of becoming the leader of his village. This particular volume featured Naruto learning one of his main attacks he uses throughout the series. As well as finding the next village leader after the previous one had died in battle. Alice got me into Naruto. It was one of the first anime I’ve seen after watching Dragon Ball when I was younger. Naruto has since become one of my favorite anime.

Later on the day of my birthday, the whole algebra class sang Happy Birthday to me. Including Ben. It was kind of touching. When I got home, my aunt gave me a present. It was The Avengers DVD. One of the movies we saw together earlier that year.

A couple months into High School, Alice had a new boyfriend named Dick. I never talked to him unless he was with Alice but at the time he seemed nice. He mentioned one time how Mark Hamill played The Joker and Luke Skywalker so he at least tried to make conversation. Alice would often walk with him so for a time it seemed rare to see her without him.

One day, a girl named Gwen randomly reached out to me on social media. I never met her, but she seemed like a good person. I gathered that she was a friend of Alice’s. We'd talk about movies and things like that. I referenced Dumb & Dumber a couple times. She turned me onto a band called Bullet for My Valentine. A metal band that I still love to this day. There was a certain point when conversations got real. Not as extreme as some conversations I had with Alice though.

We both talked about Alice self harming. This was sometime in the fall of freshman year. I sometimes told her when Alice cut again. She gave good emotional support. I got Alice's permission because I didn't want to talk about her behind her back. At this point I never talked to Alice about how I felt about the whole situation. I didn't want her to feel guilty.

Gwen once told me that she loved me as a friend, since I listened to what she had to say. Or read what she had to say technically speaking. Things she was feeling at the time. It was touching for me to read how she felt about me. I was just trying to be a good friend. One day she deleted her social media and I never heard from her again. I've wondered what happened to her but never got an answer.

I began to get closer to Emma while all of this was happening. I felt comfortable talking to her. She was very sweet. Despite being hyperactive, she was mature for her age. We sat next to each other on the bus a lot since she was only in her second year of middle school. We bonded over talking about Harry Potter.

With the passage of time, we began to talk about more serious things. She opened up to me about something terrible that happened to her. I don’t remember what led up to this conversation, but what she told me was shocking for me. When she was eleven, Emma was raped. I wasn’t prepared to hear that. I couldn’t even imagine the pain she had gone through because of it. I thought she was brave for telling me. I hugged her afterward.

On a different day, I told her about what I was going through with Alice. I caught her up to speed on the short version of what we had gone through up to that point. I wanted to open up to her about something in return. At that time, it was one of the most important things in my life. Though it felt small compared to being sexually assaulted. Emma was understanding nonetheless.

A few months later, my half-brother was born. My dad’s second son. Much like Tessa, I just consider him to be my brother. My dad and stepmother named him Will. Which was coincidentally like my friend Williams’s name. He was born a day later than expected. November 2nd, 2011. My dad sent me a picture of Will. He was cute as a baby. Just like that, I had something else to look forward to the next summer: meeting my brother.

Later in November, my grandma took me to see Skyfall, the latest James Bond movie starring Daniel Craig. We saw it at the IMAX. I loved the movie. I appreciated my grandma taking me to see it. She had been familiar with James Bond through his older movies. I remember a few years ago I rented Quantum of Solace and watched it with her. The second movie in the Daniel Craig series. I much preferred Skyfall. It remains my favorite James Bond movie to date. Although Casino Royale, the first movie with Daniel Craig as the super spy, is a close second. Craig is my personal favorite Bond.

I don’t remember that year’s Christmas well. In my mind it was overshadowed by what came afterward. We had Christmas dinner at my aunt’s house. A gift I remember getting from my mom was the DVD of The Dark Knight Rises. I know there was more but that DVD was the only thing I can recall from that year.