Kayla's Foot Diary #6 - Entries 42 to 52

Previously: Foot Diary #5 - Dating Theo. Ben Likes Feet? Results Day. Triumph Over Cousins. Charlotte.  


Entry 42: 15th August 2003

Dear Diary,

So it turns out I DO need to write again! Writing is enjoyable; it's cathartic. It also ties into what I'll be studying at Uni - English Literature. Though to be fair, there are always some elements of language too, from what I've heard. Then again, who knows, maybe one day these diaries will be published works, hahaha! Seriously though, I've enjoyed writing for a while, before my 'discovery' about Ross. I'd never written a single diary entry though - never seen the point. I've never mentioned this before (in Kayla's Foot Diaries), that I used to write 'fan fiction' stories - focusing on relationships between characters in TV shows, books or films that I loved. For example, I'd posted a whole series of stories about Faith in Buffy, dominating Xander and taking him away from Buffy and the gang.

I'd always liked the idea of domineering female characters - it was much more fun creating disharmony and men being forced to submit, to a powerful woman's whims. Never specifically about feet - no, thanks to Ross, that's been a new avenue for me to explore - in real life rather than stories! So having a look through the previous couple of journals I've written, it's no real surprise that I'm actually living the role of the main, dominant female character! Am I the protagonist or antagonist? I've been thinking about this today and at times, I've been a bit rueful. Should I have just left Ben alone, after he started going out with Sarah? Did I have to humiliate Ross so much in front of Charlotte, making him collect us like a chauffeur, knowing full well how things ended with his ex - something I was instrumental in?

I've got no definitive conclusion on that one but it's certainly on my mind. I've always justified everything I've done because the same people I am being ruthless towards have slighted or hurt me before. So it is completely rational and logical then, to put certain people in their place. Basically, they deserve it!

Right, enough preamble! I very nearly fucked up today. After seeing Charlotte for a morning workout, I was seriously pissed off that my useless stepbrother wasn't there at his usual parking spot to collect us afterwards. Charlotte phoned him but he ignored her - well, she was his ex to be fair... but I was even more livid when he ignored MY call too! Still, I was not going to play the hopeless victim, dependent on my stepbrother, so I called for a taxi, dropping off Charlie (yeah, we're onto 'Charlie' and 'K' now!) first. When I arrived back at mine, I was ready to tear Ross a new one until I saw The Cousins' Audi family car parked next to Ian's in the drive...

Of course! The Cousins were over! That was the only thing that saved Ross's arse!

When I entered the house, I greeted the adults in the kitchen - Ian was in a fairly heated debate with his brother - his glass of red wine sloshing from side to side. The usual thing about finances and dismally dull stuff - they barely acknowledged me anyway. Isabella rushed over to hug me, clearly inebriated with a Margherita in hand; she didn't usually show me much affection! Where was Mum though?

As I stepped into the living room, I could see that she was in there with The Cousins, chatting away. Turning to the side, I had to suppress my laughter - Ross was there too, Gabrielle's feet plopped on a cushion over his lap, while he was massaging her feet.

For a moment, a terrible wave of jealously hit me - seeing him touch another woman's feet. But I quickly sucked it up, not letting my emotions get the better of me.

"Oh there you are, darling!" My Mum gave me a rather exasperated look, sat next to Sophia on the other sofa. "Why are you so late?"

I briefly explained the Crossfit session, apologising promptly, which seemed to satisfy her. My eyes were completely transfixed on Ross though, who didn't dare return my gaze. Gab called over at me, looking smug, making a sarcastic comment that it was nice for me to finally join them.

I ignored her, still my eyes locked on Ross, forcing a smile on my face to mask my true feelings. Mum broke the standoff. "Isn't this nice of Ross!" Mum gushed. "When Gab and Soph came over, I thought this was the perfect way of making it up to them, after last time! I told them how amazing Ross was at foot massages..."

Of course she had - and why shouldn't she? I finally tore my eyes away from my stepbrother and grinned at my Mum, taking a seat in between her and Sophia on the sofa. "Ah, great idea Mum! Might as well get him to do something useful!"

Mum gave me a look, but I could tell she found it amusing, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"So... let me get this right... " Sophia had her arms folded. "Ross gives you - Julie - foot rubs? And... you Kayla, as well?"

Both Mum and I smiled; mine was for different reasons though as Mum began explaining how much of a gentleman Ross was, that he had been doing this since pretty much the start of the summer, but not for a little while now. She even said that Ross's foot rubs were better than professional ones that she'd paid for at salons! She thought it would be perfect for Gab and Soph to benefit from his talents, plus as a way of making it up to them after disappearing last time they were over.

Gabrielle was taking this all in too, nodding as if in agreement. "I have to say..." She began pompously, spreading her perfectly painted black toenails. "That my cousin IS pretty damn good at foot rubs."

Sophia protested, almost jumping to her feet. "But he NEVER gave them before! He HATES feet! Do you remember that time I begged him to, but he refused to even touch them!"

"Things definitely have changed... not so proud anymore, huh 'cous?" Gabrielle said, a tad smugly, to Ross. She gave me a look of grudging acceptance. "You and Julie have... how shall I say it... neutered our cousin a bit."

Mum laughed at that, dismissing the idea at once and putting it down to the fact that Ross was just simply being kinder, more considerate this summer, knowing that he wouldn't be having 'family time' for much longer before university began. It all seemed perfectly reasonable according to her. Gab and Soph exchanged a look, clearly not convinced as my Mum left the room and the four of us alone.

"How are Gabrielle's feet?" I called across to Ross, just managing to stop myself from giggling.

"They're, erm, they're OK?" He replied awkwardly, his voice rising at the end.

"Only OK?" Gab tsk'd at him. "I'll have you know that I have pedicures ALL the time - I'm always told how soft and perfect they are!" She rolled her eyes at her cousin, who quickly backtracked and agreed at once she had nice feet. She even added that her boyfriend rubs her feet because she makes him, but he's not great at it - being too macho to fully commit to it. Ross blushed at this, as he looked anything other than macho as he continued to dutifully rub her feet.

Sophia suddenly blurted out that it was her turn, her bratty voice reminding me that she was younger than the three of us. She was apparently over the fact that Ross seemed to have genuinely changed - for better or for worse - and she was wanting to get in the action. Gabrielle reluctantly switched places, while my stepbrother was presented with another pair of - it was pretty obvious to say - attractive, tanned, slightly smaller pair of bare feet.

It was delicious watching this - seeing Ross squirm (literally!), probably thanking his lucky stars that the cushion was over his crotch still. I had no doubts that this was strategic to avoid his embarrassment; getting turned on by his own cousins' feet... it was funny, creepy and pathetic on so many levels! So yes, I was well past the 'jealous' stage and began revelling in the fact that he was back to what he did best, servicing women's feet - and I'd not had to force or engineer any of it!

Gabrielle wasn't letting his change in attitude and machoism go, however. "It's like you've been tamed," She declared, elegantly crossing one leg over the other, dangling her (admittedly attractive) bare foot. "Maybe neutered was a bit harsh, but you've lost your swagger, your dominance. You ALWAYS hated feet... Don't you even want to push Sophia's feet off you and tell her to go to hell? I mean, she's your younger, stupid little cousin..."

Sophia cried out defensively at this but there was no need. Ross was overawed - to me, it was obvious. I could tell that he was pretending to be nonchalant yet compliant about rubbing his bratty cousin's feet, playing the 'dutiful' role, masking the fact that he was loving every second. Loving but hating at the same time - these were his cousin's feet he was lustfully rubbing... that incestuous element was certainly not lost on him, or me!

The minutes ticked by and Ross continued to be an expert foot rubber, while Gabrielle continued to analyse his character, Sophia chipping in - at first to defend him (probably hoping the foot rub wouldn't suddenly stop), then in gradual agreement with her sister's assessment. For a moment, I thought about revealing his secret, in front of The Cousins. But that just seemed a bit too cruel. Plus, I couldn't be certain what Gab and Soph would do with that information... I wasn't willing or ready to have his dirty little fetish exploited by anyone but ME!

Gabrielle let out a sigh, shaking her head from side-to-side. "OK, I'm not spending the whole afternoon watching you rub Sophia's feet, Ross." Sophia glared at her sister, wiggling her toes as Ross dutifully slid a thumb and forefinger between them. "Ross, what shall we do?"

He hopefully mentioned basketball, his head shifting back down as The Cousins both rolled their eyes and shook their heads. Gab reminded him that she was so bored of it and prompted him to come up with another idea. Ross dithered, still lingering his hands on Sophia's feet, letting out a few uncertain 'ums' and 'ers'...

I sighed in frustration. "Why are you even bothering asking him? He's good for rubbing feet and that's about it, let's be honest!"

Despite herself, Gab let out a small snort of laughter at this while Soph glared at me. "Oh c'mon Soph... Kayla kinda has a point..."

"He'd probably be happy rubbing your feet for the rest of the day!" I said, which even Soph did giggle a little at, making Ross turn crimson. "Why don't we play the PlayStation?"

The girls weren't too keen (they had never been big into computer games) but I managed to convince them that Tekken would be a bit of fun - plus, it wasn't basketball! Ross looked relieved, assuming that he'd be able to avoid any further humiliation.

Soph swivelled away from her cousin, a bit reluctant to end the massage, though she had a look about her - brattier than I remembered her to be before - maybe because she had just had her feet serviced so well! Ross patiently waited, still with the cushion over his nether regions (the perv!) while I talked the girls through the game. They went up against one another; Sophia beating Gabrielle, which caused the latter to yell out in annoyance. I then beat Soph relatively easily, who didn't seem to mind, considering that it was basically my game.

Reaching out for a controller, Ross gave me a small smile - as if to show he was grateful for me moving things away from The Cousins' feet. I stared at him as I told him matter-of-factly that HE wouldn't be playing and instead, a better idea would be to be a foot rest for his cousin. It would be only fair, as he still owed them for how rude he was last time after all! Ross stared at me, his eyes widening me as if to implore me to change my mind. He swallowed thickly and looked sheepishly at his cousins. He cleared his throat, weakly asking them if they really wanted this... wouldn't they prefer to play the PlayStation with him...

Sophia let out a nervous giggle but it seemed to be down to the older sister to decide. Tilting her head from side to side, her short hair flickering briefly in her dark eyes, a smirk slowly appeared over her gorgeous features.

"Kayla... you actually do have some good ideas..." She said slowly, while Ross shook his head in despair. "My cousin seems to be good for one thing.... Ross, get down on your hands and knees!"

Ross let out a small defeated gasp, but he was too weak, too broken by me to deny anything to do with feet! Maybe he genuinely wanted to make it up to his cousins too. Or maybe, he had secretly wanted this for a while, playing the macho guy for years, knowing it impressed them, but really being submissive to them was probably a dirty little fantasy of his... Any which way, he dropped down meekly to the floor, on his hands and knees while Gabrielle sauntered over to him, taking a seat on the sofa and gracefully stretching out her legs so that her bare feet rested on the small of Ross's back.

Sophia didn't need much encouragement. It was clear that she was very much in the role of sidekick, quick to be on the side of where the power lay, which used to be with Ross! She giggled again, this time with more confidence as she wore a similar smirk, nestling in next to her sister on the sofa, plopping her bare feet and crossing them at the ankles, close to Ross's upper back and neck. Ross let out a another defeated sigh, staring fixedly to the floor - at least his erection had subsided or couldn't be seen from that angle!

For the next hour or so, I had the BEST afternoon with Gab and Soph. For the first time, I noticed they were actually quite funny - though in a bratty, entitled sort of way. To be fair, they've lived a life of luxury - with a disposable income each and an even bigger house than I do. Plus, they've ALWAYS had that lifestyle. I've had it for a few years, but for them, it's the norm. They were more than happy to use Ross as a foot rest, gently poking fun at him - making it clear that he OWED them this. Ross had very little to say - more grunts and affirmative noises, while they exerted their dominance over him.

One positive thing for my stepbrother is that he held his all fours position on the floor for the entire time - he was saved the humiliation of buckling under their weight and being reduced to using his face as a foot rest for their feet - something I still remember fondly from weeks ago from personal experience, ha! Also, luckily for him, none of the adults came back into the living room. So Ross dutifully said goodbye to them at the door, both of them looking understandably smug with how they had been pampered and treated like princesses. Plus, I got him to profusely apologise to me (and Charlotte, who he messaged, grovelling suitably) about not being there to collect us from the gym today. He's headed to bed since then, but seems to do have done enough to appease The Cousins, their parents, my Mum and Ian.

Yet at the same time, he's been used as a foot rest by his own cousins! It is just too funny, too brilliant to know that this is a whole, fresh wave of humiliation for the loser! And still, STILL, I haven't technically broken my word to him! I never in a million years thought I'd say this, but I actually want The Cousins to come over again soon!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 43: 18th August 2003

Dear Diary,

It's been such a relief, knowing that my Uni place is secure and that I don't have any immediate fears or worries. Plus, living at home (MY home, not Ross's home, ha!) is just the best. I have free reign in the garden - whenever I'm out there - tanning, reading, swimming or whatever combination of those. My tan is fucking lush - I'm getting more bronzed every day and it's all natural! Though Charlotte did give me a good tip about my bikini line - using a natural spray, that would go perfectly with my (nearly) olive complexion. She came over yesterday, hanging by the pool while Ross fetched us cocktails (he didn't make them as well as Jess, but still not bad!). I decided not to have him massage my feet in front of Charlie; after what happened before, when they broke up, I thought it wouldn't be wise - for her benefit rather than his.

Anyway, I didn't realise that it's been a few days since I last wrote! Whoops! To be fair, little has happened. I've seen Ben a couple of times - once for coffee (Sarah was there too, which was fun!) and once the other day when he rubbed my feet like a good little pet. At coffee, I genuinely happened to be shopping when I saw the two of them. Honest! I chatted away with Sarah, who is sweet and seems genuinely nice. It makes me feel even less of Ben, for being downright dishonest to her, not having the guts to either tell me where to go, or to tell her the truth - that he has a female friend, who he enjoys rubbing the feet of... So Ben is spineless basically, which it makes it all the more logical and fair that I'm using him!

When he massaged them most recently, I was laying on my bed, my belly down and face gently resting against a pillow. It was soooo relaxing! Ben was happy (grateful, desperate...whatever other adjective you want to say!) to rub this incredible saffron-infused oil into my soles, very slowly. I nearly fell asleep but stopped myself; I don't trust my foot pet completely. Not that he has the balls to actually try anything like that, but I could imagine him taking pictures of me or doing something creepy...is that harsh or fair, based on how easily I've dominated him? Anyway, I told him how amazing my feet smelled.... so naturally, I invited him to press his nose against each sole to soak it in. I didn't even see his expression but imagined it was one of bliss! I considered letting him kiss them again but decided not to; the reason I did that was because I didn't feel the need to. Maybe if he asks... well, begs... I don't need him to use anything other than his hands...yet!

I think Theo's beginning to crack. He sent me a gushing message the other day, telling me that he knows things haven't been right with us, but he wants to make it up to me. That we're "too good" to let things just peter out. I've been brief in my replies - I've decided not to compromise on this one. He needs to get used to rubbing my feet when I need him to, doing what I want basically - otherwise, I'm not interested. I haven't said that directly, but I've got a plan for when I next see him... That will be later this week as he's planning a 'romantic evening' for us!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 44: 20th August 2003

Dear Diary,

I am so fucking frustrated right now... This is NOT fair! Less than an hour ago this morning, I went to the bathroom (to be fair, it's always free in the morning these days - no more unfair situations of Ross getting up just before me, to stink out the entire room) and on the way back, heard a strange squeaking sound coming from Ross's room. I nearly ignored it, but remembered that Mum and Ian took the lock off his door, after he'd been 'rude' to The Cousins last week...

Now I wish I'd never opened it, considering what happened minutes later. Not at what I saw, but the aftermath! After opening the door, bursting in to the room to see what was going on, Ross let out a muffled cry of "No... get....no!" Before I could tell full well what he was doing. He was masturbating of course! The worst part of this was that there were a pair of my white gym socks smothering against his face, him thrusting and actually shaking while getting himself off.

"Ewwww! You are sooo disgusting!" I shouted at him. "Give my socks back...NOW!" Ross had frozen still, breathing deeply into my socks still, but too mortified to move. Slowly, as if he were in physical pain, he took my socks from his face, wincing as he dropped them to the floor.

He mumbled a week 'sorry', looking mortified but still close to climaxing as he squirmed, such was his tremulous tone. Was he so fucking stupid to have forgotten about the lock? Maybe he simply didn't expect me to come into his room - I hadn't been in his room for weeks, to be fair.

"Kayla, what's all this shouting...? Oh morning Ross, darling. Kayla, there those ankle socks are..." Mum walked straight past me towards Ross's bed, picking up the socks and placing one hand on her hip, showing off her lovely figure and frowning. "How did they get in here?" Mum looked between me and Ross, my stepbrother visibly pulling his knees towards him, presumably to desperately reduce his erection. He must have been bricking it at that point...imagine if he came in front of his stepmother!

I gave Ross an expectant look. "Well, how did my favourite pair of gym socks end up here, Ross? I was wearing them for ages at the gym with Charlie... they must be so sweaty, right Mum?" At that point, I couldn't help but find his predicament hilarious, with Mum there too.

My Mum looked bemused but pulled a face as she held the socks in one hand. "Oh I don't have to. I can smell them from here, love!" She turned back to Ross, who was practically closing his eyes to small slits, every part of him probably wishing the ground could swallow him up. "What are they doing here... Ross?"

Ross tried to keep his voice level, muttering that it must have been a mix up. He sounded anything but convincing. Mum gave me a look as I sniggered, telling me firmly that it wasn't funny to deliberately leave my dirty socks in my 'brother's' room...

"I didn't! And he's not my-"

"Kayla, I don't want to hear it!" Mum interrupted me sharply, her voice raising in volume. "In fact, I can't remember the last time I saw YOU doing ANY washing... OR any chores, when I think about it," she had fully turned her attention to me, walking towards where I was stood at the door.

"Oh Mum, you know I've been doing chores EVERY day. Haven't I, Ross?" I gave my stepbrother a look, my eyebrows raised expectantly.

Mum answered before he could get a word in. "No, Kayla - that's enough! Leaving your socks in your brother's room..." She dared me to challenge this and nodded when I stayed silent. "He's been making a real effort - I've seen him every single day this summer - do washing, taking out the rubbish, hovering, cleaning the kitchen... plus, he MORE than made it up to Gab and Soph - they were bloody buzzing after their foot rubs!"

Ross had sat up a little, taking deep breaths and although he blushed at the mention of rubbing his cousins' feet, he actually looked slightly hopeful. For the first time since the start of the summer, he was the 'good' one and I was getting a telling off! I glared at him, past my Mother's stern face.

"Kayla, are you even listening to me?" She sighed in exasperation. "You need to make more of an effort. From now on I want to see you YOU helping out, you doing the chores. Is that clear, young lady?"

I rolled my eyes at her, which was a bad idea - I know that now, of course. I also spoke up, losing my temper, which made things worse. "Why do we even need to do chores...? We should have a maid... Come on Mum, we've got loads of money - we should have a gardener, a pool boy... we could employ a butler, a servant... Come on!"

Mum folded her arms and shook her head at me. "You've got no bloody idea, Kayla. Seriously! You think money just grows on trees don't you! Ian is... " She looked away briefly before clearing her throat. "Well, nothing is as simple as you think. And you need to learn some respect! When you're at university, you'll be independent, responsible. Leaving your dirty socks in your brother's room... Oh, you have really gone too far young lady...!"

Continuing to berate me, I was so annoyed I don't actually remember every word my Mum said. What had turned from me humiliating my stepbrother at his lowest moment yet (wanking off, literally to my socks and being caught!), had turned to ME being punished! So apparently from now on, I have to do ALL of the washing and three quarters of the chores. To put that in perspective, I'm actually going from 0% to 75%, whereas Mum thinks it's just from 50% - of course she doesn't know Ross has been doing my chores for weeks! So he is going from 100% to 25%!! Worse than that, Ross actually looked smug; once his erection had subsided, he nodded patronisingly, agreeing with everything his stepmother said. She finished with "I'll be keeping a VERY close eye on you!" Before ordering me to start with the first washing load and to make everyone a coffee!

I did consider calling Ross out in front of her - telling the truth about what he had been doing with my socks, the fucking freak. But I resisted - and a good thing too. the more I think about it! All that would lead to would be more punishment for me, as the full story of how I'd humiliated and broken my stepbrother could be revealed... I can't risk that, nor can I risk getting grounded or face further punishment. Plus, if Mum found out about his foot fetish, could that ruin my future plans of breaking him? Yes, that's right. Ross is going to PAY for this. And to think, it all happened because HE was masturbating with my socks. The creepy, dirty piece of shit!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 45: 22nd August 2003

Dear Diary,

Well, good news and bad news. Mum has stayed true to her word - she's been watching me like a hawk! After my telling off the other day, she has not let up on me one bit. She's actually created a 'Chores Rota' and put it on the fridge, where she's outlined what chores we have to do, every day. Essentially for me, it's everything except the dishwasher and a bit of mopping - so Ross has far less to do. Plus, she's been in ALL day for the past two days... I literally have not had the chance to catch Ross on his own, to make him pay! I've sent him a couple of texts, but he played all innocent, simply replying with words to the effect of 'we have to respect our parents'... So I don't want to do anything over message - it has to be in person! All I need is five minutes... five minutes alone with that stupid idiot, just to punish him - a) for using my socks to masturbate to and b) for letting me take all of this blame and do so many extra chores!

Ross has even been allowed the lock back on his bedroom door! So he's either been locked away in his room, or in the garden playing basketball - always with Mum out there. She's really taking his side... it's like I'm not her real daughter and HE is her actual son! She's always maintained this dynamic where we're actual brother and sister, and we're all one happy family... little does she know! So yeah, the last two days have involved me doing a LOT of crap I never thought I'd have to do while I shared a roof with my pathetic stepbrother, ever again!

When I've not been at home, doing chores, I've found some REAL success. So this is the good news! Oh yeah! Last night, I went to Theo's, for the 'romantic' evening he'd planned. As soon as I got there (I had to book a cab - Ross was sucking up to Ian and Mum; I knew asking for a lift in front of them would be a bad idea!), it was clear that he was making an effort, making it up to me for what happened the other week (I've checked - 13th August entry!). He gave me a huge hug and led me by the hand to the sofa. Immediately, he launched into an apology, explaining he'd been thinking and decided that something as "silly" as a foot rub shouldn't come between us.

I agreed, telling him that it was "silly" how resistant he was to them - that it was something I enjoyed and it was harmless enough to do. He was visibly struggling with this, smiling but inside seemed to be still seething a little about it...

"OK, I get it. You want your feet rubbed sometimes. I get it, Kayla," He told me, as if to summarise a situation where HE was in control. "I'll do it - now and again, sound fair?" He smiled, as if that would convince me.

I gave him a confident look, placing my bare feet in his lap. "No, Theo. That's not how this works. You rub my feet, whenever I want you to. Sound fair?" I echoed these two words back to him, while he continued to smile, the corners of is mouth twitching.

Finally, he shrugged. "Well, I guess I'll just have to distract you..." He purred, before leaning towards me and kissing my neck. To be fair, this did feel great. He pulled me towards him before sliding a hand on my bare thigh (I was wearing just a small, black dress), kissing me up and down my neck, towards my shoulders. He paused and lingered his hand on my thigh towards my groin, tapping his fingers there teasingly...

"I know you want me to..." he whispered in my ear. "But I need something from you..."

Part of me did want him to explore me with his hand, right there and then. With Theo, he's confident, self-assured, if a little full of shit. But... I didn't like this control, this power that he had - like HE was the one calling the shots. So, that's when my idea - one I had been thinking about over the past few days - made perfect sense to put into practise...

Giggling seductively, I pushed him gently so he was practically laying on his back at one end of the sofa. I leaned back and positioned myself so my legs were stretched towards him, one hand resting over his crotch, asking if he liked that, brushing my fingers over his trousers, already feeling wood stirring. He let out a sigh, nodding and smiling. He actually looked smug like he'd 'won' - as in, he'd convinced me that it was my turn to reciprocate a sexual act. His smile started to falter when I slowly moved my legs so that my feet were suddenly resting on his chest.

"Theo, I would love a foot rub!" I grinned at him, still scrunching my fingers slowly against the crotch area of his trousers.

He looked slightly alarmed but at the same time was getting increasingly hard by my hand movements over his manhood. "Now... do you... You want me to rub your feet... now?"

I nodded, stretching out one foot so my toes were tapping against the palm of one of his hands, until he slowly began kneading his thumbs against the centre of my sole. It wasn't good... But he was doing it! Theo's gasps and breathing rate increased as he became gradually fully erect, at full mast. I haven't got any reference point, but it seemed to be a decent size, although I wasn't directly touching it. He seemed to be steadying my hand towards his flies, suggesting that I undo them but I brushed it away, firmly resuming my gently tugging on the outside of his trousers. I was more focused on something else.

What was exciting and fun about this was that I was fully in control. I had kept to my word of 'owing' him or 'pleasuring' him, but totally on MY terms! While his hands (he was using both now) were reluctantly rubbing against my bare feet, I decided that my 'foot rub' could be happening elsewhere. So without warning, I stretched my legs out further, so that he dropped my feet (he actually let out a happy noise at that - bastard!) until I promptly shoved them in his face.

"Kayla... What are...?" He practically cried out, his expression a little shocked. "Your feet?"

"I SAID I wanted a foot rub, Theo. If you can't use your hands properly, then I'll use your face instead!" I giggled as I began to smother him, rubbing my feet all over his face - along his cheeks, on his mouth, forcing my toes inside so that they gently knocked against his pearly white teeth. He seemed too surprised to do anything about it!

"K...Kayla.... Mmmmfffff!" His words were cut off by my smothering soles. I even paused my hand over his crotch, which he shook slightly in frustration at. I really went to work on his face, pushing my toes on his chin, sliding my sole fully over his face - it was pretty brutal, thinking about this but just SO MUCH FUN!

Theo had been struggling slightly, attempting futilely to wrest my feet from his face, but I was too strong in this dominant position. So, he gradually gave in, allowing me to basically smother him completely, covering every square inch of his face, over and over so that my soles actually felt like they had been properly rubbed in, including on the stubble on his chin! I had resumed stroking at his nether regions, which did not take that much longer (I thought the whole experience would be more drawn out than it was) to start letting out moans of ecstasy, before his whole body convulsed and I felt his crotch go damp - my signal to wrench my hand away. But I kept my feet fully rested on his face, tapping my toes against his forehead.

"K-Kayla...C-can you... Hmmmm?" He murmured, before slowly tapping one hand against my ankle, as if to ask me to remove my feet. I did this gradually, savouring the look in his eyes as I revealed his face.

Looking still rather in shock, Theo sucked in some fresh air, his eyes shifting between mine and the floor. I stared back at him, my toes tapping happily on the sofa, next to him. Finally he broke the stalemate. His voice now steady, he told me that what happened was quite 'weird'.

It was my turn to look surprised. "Weird? That's a strange word to use. Your trousers tell another story..." I giggled slightly as he actually blushed, shifting around a little.

"That's not... what I'm used to," He spoke carefully, his arms now folded, still lying on the sofa but shifting upright a bit. "I didn't... I don't want to have a - you know - with your feet like that. Next time, without your feet...yeah?" He gave me a firm look, his self-assurance returning to him.

I shrugged. "I can't make that sort of promise, Theo. If I want you to massage my feet, you need to do it. And do it well. Or I'll just rub my feet in your face again."

"You'll... Kayla?!" Theo actually laughed a little, shaking his head. "No offence, but I've been with girls - with women - before, and quite a few times. I know what I like, what I don't like. I'm 21 years old, not some horny schoolboy, who will let you just walk all over him."

I considered this for a few moments. He hadn't told me anything about previous girlfriends, conquests etc. He already knew that I was a virgin but I hadn't gone into any details of anything, as there wasn't much to say! Maybe that reference to 'horny schoolboy' was Ben, who he would have seen me at Tammy's party with, those weeks ago. He seemed to take my silence for uncertainty as he promptly left the room to presumably clean himself up (he was wearing a fresh pair of jeans when he returned) and bring us both a glass of red wine over - a delicious bottle of Cab Sav, which we'd had before.

After a bit of small talk, Theo cleared his throat and picked back up, choosing his words carefully. "Look, I get that you like your feet being rubbed... It's, well... it's not my thing basically. When you're being physical with a guy, you need to trust him - let him take the lead. Especially with me - like I said, I'm that bit older and have experiences. Real experiences, so I know what works best. You get it?" He said with a firm look about him, sat next to me on the sofa - I'd since moved to an upright position.

This was total, utter bullshit. And I knew it!

"Theo," I began, taking a sip of wine before putting it down on the coffee table. "It's actually really simple. I don't really care about what experiences you've had. It's not about gender, age, experience. It's about what we both want. I want you to rub my feet - I know my own my mind to know that. I will, when I want to, satisfy you - like I did just now. And, again when I want to, be satisfied by you - in whichever way I decide. It's my body, after all. To be honest, I'm finding this all a bit patronising AND controlling..."

Theo looked taken aback once more. He tried to backtrack, but I wasn't having any of it! I told him, in no uncertain terms, that just because he was a man, older and more 'experienced' than me, this did not give him the right to call the shots. The more I spoke, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, he didn't know what else to say, but rather than apologising, he suddenly started making out with me, kissing me in the mouth, on my neck. It felt good, but I wanted something else... With a giggle and a forceful push of my hand on his head, my fingers intertwining in his long, black hair, Theo soon found his mouth hovering over my groin, my intentions made perfectly clear...

It was even better than last time! Theo certainly does know his way around a woman - as he lapped against my womanhood, I felt both powerful and vulnerable at the same time; it was quite the combination! After I climaxed, I let out a satisfied sigh and he curled a strong arm around me, snuggling next to me.

Still though, there was awkwardness in the air, which became rifer with more silence. I couldn't let it go, so I knew right then, I had to assert my authority, show that I was NOT to be placated or seduced, that it was on MY terms, how this all worked! Swivelling around, I suddenly placed my feet in his lap and told him he had some 'Making up to do'. He seemed confused at first, so I made it clear that giving me an orgasm was not the way to weasel out of an apology. So then I got a proper apology from him, while he rubbed my feet! His fingers were still reluctant (such a contrast to Ben!), as was his tone of voice for swallowing his pride and saying sorry to me, for being controlling and not respecting my wants - and needs! So I felt extra smug, when he did at last apologise, rubbing my feet and seeming suitably humble. It was the best way to end the evening - soon after this, I booked a cab (no point in asking Ross...).

When I got home, I saw a few messages from Ben. He apparently 'needs to see me'. Probably because he hasn't rubbed my feet or given me a pedicure for a few days! After getting my way with Theo, maybe I don't really need Ben that much after all - assuming that my boyfriend realises and accepts now that he has to rub my feet and do what I say. He better!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 46: 23rd August 2003

Dear Diary,

I feel numb. I can't find the right words to explain how I feel, so I'll keep it brief.

Ian is dead.

I know - it looks so strange reading that back, so unreal. All I can say is that he's had a heart attack - he's dead. Mum hasn't stopped crying... it's all just fucking awful.

Love,
Kayla

Entry 47: 24th August 2003

Dear Diary,


OK, I'm able to at least to attempt to put into words what's going on inside my head. Yesterday was absolutely hideous.

I was dusting and polishing all of the wooden surfaces at some point in the afternoon, including each chair. I was feeling pissed off and resentful, knowing that my stepbrother was playing basketball - my Mum 'protecting' him by relaxing in the garden, by the pool. When she came rushing in, shrieking and shouting, my first defensive thought was about her haranguing me about the chores - I'd been plotting out in my head how and when to get at Ross, so I was caught off guard.

It soon transpired, once she'd poured herself a whisky, sat down at the dining table and calmed down a bit, that Ian had suffered a heart attack (a cardio something-or-other), which had essentially killed him, in just a matter of minutes while he was at work. No chance or time to say goodbye. So to say we were shocked is a fucking understatement.

Ross was kind of catatonic at first - he came in from the garden, in a daze, basketball still in hand. He came into the dining room, where Mum was sipping her whisky so, along with me, he could get more details. Mum just kept on crying, completely inconsolable. I hugged her and tried my best to calm her down but she just couldn't stop. Ross sat opposite us in stunned silence, basketball still in hand, which he occasionally dropped bounced off the floor. He did this one too many times - enough for me to glare at him, as Mum properly lost it.

"Quit bouncing that fucking ball!!" She shouted at him, slamming down her glass of whisky. "I can't think straight!"

I scowled at Ross but didn't say anything; I knew that he must've been feeling numb and helpless. I've never been close to Ian - I'd go as far to say we'd had a fairly indifferent relationship, but this was Ross's Dad. Someone who he'd known his whole life - totally different to the relationship with my Dad, who has been absent for so long. He suddenly pushed the chair over, tossing his basketball aside, promptly leaving the house. I considered going after him but stayed with Mum. Even had the socks incident not happened, Mum would have been my priority.

So after Mum had had a chance to cool down a little, she began informing family - not that Ian has many, other than his brother (The Cousins' Dad). The funeral has been arranged too - it's taking place in a few days' time - Mum just wants it over with; there haven't been that many guests to invite as Ian didn't have too many people close to him. She's told each of us (Ross came back later that evening, apologising to Mum for storming off, to which she apologised to him for shouting and swearing at him), that we can each bring a friend with us.

I wasn't expecting his answer - Charlotte. Yep, his ex girlfriend Charlotte, the very same Charlotte who I thought despised him and was becoming my friend. I called him out on this immediately, to which he briefly told me that he'd met up with her and that she'd promised to be there for him and do whatever she could to help. I couldn't quite believe that, so I messaged her, just checking if she was coming to the funeral. She did text back, telling me how sorry for Ross she was to hear about Ian and that yes, she would be there "to support Ross". I'm not going to lie - it stung when she didn't show any concern for me, or that she would be there for me - just him. I honestly thought she hated him! Like those gym sessions, and having him as our chauffeur meant nothing? I felt about telling her about my stepbrother sniffing my dirty socks, pleasuring himself... the freak! But I've thought about it - she obviously does care about him and what would be the point of making him feel any lower, which I thought was impossible after recent events.

With what's happened to Ian, I have to let it go - it's put everything in perspective. If he needs Charlotte there, and his ex girlfriend has obviously taken pity on him, then that's up to her. It's something else that I need to put to one side, and just assume that her renewed affection in Ross is just for the funeral and that things will go back to 'normal' again soon. Anyway, for me, Mum assumed automatically I'd bring Jen. Instead, I told her about Theo - the guy I'd been dating. She didn't actually know much about him, and was a little suspicious of him being three years older, but she seemed to accept it. He's the one I want there; despite our disagreements, I need him there. We've turned a corner after what happened the other evening.

That's it. Part of me wishes that I'd got to know Ian better. Most of my memories of him - since knowing him for the past four and a bit years - have been of him dozing in his chair, taking Ross's side at any opportunity (well, until this summer...) and being generally disinterested. And working in his study, when he wasn't already in the office... Maybe he was stressed, over-worked... I'll never know now. It seems so... final.

Love,
Kayla

Entry 48: 26th August 2003

Dear Diary,

It's been so busy here, literally very little time to write. The funeral is happening tomorrow... Where to start!

Mum has gone from being devastated to frustrated - there have been some 'irregularities' in Ian's will. We had a meeting with the solicitor yesterday and it's all a kind of nonsense to me, but essentially, it's not as simple as us just us inheriting the house and his savings, wealth etc. It could take some time to resolve.... The Cousins and their parents came over yesterday too - their Dad assured us it will all be fine. It better bloody be! I'm assuming it will be - like Ian did, his brother works in some financial role, so I'm sure it will be.

Gab and Soph were actually nice - I have to admit. They were all over Ross, hugging him, pretty much cuddling him - which was kind of nauseating. They were friendly enough with me, not hugging me, but not making any catty comments or trying to stir up trouble with any 'challenges' at least. Anyway, they weren't over for that long as it was more for the 'adults' to go over some of the funeral details. At one point, Gab did stretch out her bare feet, resting them on Ross's legs who shifted awkwardly for a minute or so, until she was whisked away to the kitchen by her Mum, to help with drinks. A lucky escape (or unlucky?!) for my stepbrother. For a second, I thought about encouraging Ross to offer his cousins foot rubs, but it didn't seem right - seemed like a real low blow to my stepbrother, however gross he'd been with my socks. Yeah, I can't COMPLETELY forget about that!

Theo has pissed me off. Again. This time, it's about the funeral (which is happening tomorrow) - he apparently can't change his working hours, therefore can't go with me... He makes out he's got all of this autonomy, responsibility, power in his job, yet he can't change his day for a fucking funeral?! I can't shake away that feeling - that he's not as much of a big-shot and genuinely impressive guy as he makes himself out to be.

So, my next thought for who to go wasn't Jen. At first, I thought of Jess... but she's still away in Malta. Of course Charlotte has already decided to be there to support Ross (not me apparently, yeah that still hurts!). So, who to ask... Ben! Not Jen? No. She doesn't even know about Ian - I've heard nothing from her recently anyway and other all the stuff with Ross, I just don't have the energy to talk to her. So I'm glad that Ben's going - he's been so much sweeter, kinder and thoughtful than my boyfriend has. He even sent me flowers - something Theo hasn't apparently even considered. I let him come over this afternoon, hugging him tight against me in my bed, my arms locked around his torso, not caring how intimate this must have felt. I needed it - Mum's just been so busy and distracted with the funeral and financial matters that she hasn't stopped to physically, or emotionally, reassure me.

That's when things got kind of weird. He was being so reassuring, stroking my hair with one hand, his other wrapped around me as we lay on our sides, pressing our bodies tightly against one another. Before I knew it, my eyes were locked into Ben's as he began slowly pushing his lips onto mine. I quickly stopped him, pulling my head away and placing one finger on his mouth.

"Kayla... sorry... I..." He mumbled, going bright red as I stared at him. "I know I shouldn't... I'm, er... let me rub your feet instead...."

Ben slithered off my bed and knelt at the end of it (a customary position for him!), quickly kneading his thumbs into the centre of one of my soles, which I positioned in front of him, laying now on my back. I was a bit stunned but decided not to call him out on it. It also felt amazing, so I have to admit that I enjoyed it, despite the awkward nearly-kissing that preceded it. He clearly is still obsessed with me, and being so close to me - physically - was just TOO much for him. I should have known better that he couldn't handle a cuddle, so I smiled at him as he massaged my bare feet, his head bowed, probably in shame and embarrassment. He headed off soon after that, mumbling apologies about meeting up with Sarah, but promising that he'll be at the funeral - tomorrow.

When Ben was massaging my feet, it did also make me think more about Ross, and what I should do about the situation. Things are just so shit and although I've never had someone close to me suddenly die, I can only imagine how terrible he must feel. To be honest, my heart isn't in it to humiliate him, or do anything to 'get back at him'. However much of a bitch I've been to him, it's all been fair - justified. But now he's lost his Dad, it doesn't seem right. So although what he did with my socks was wrong and that he's somehow weaselled he way to get Charlotte to support him at the funeral, I'm letting it go. There - I've said it and no going back!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 49: 27th August 2003

Dear Diary,

Well that was fucking horrible. There's more than just the funeral to write about, but I'll start with that. As predicted, not many people came. The Cousins were there, all over Ross as usual, especially before Charlotte arrived. What made things worse was that Charlotte barely acknowledged me, giving me the briefest of hugs when she arrived, before snuggling up with Ross, stroking his arm and basically being all over him. It was almost a competition in fact - for who out of Gab, Soph and Charlotte (Ross's supposed ex) - could hug and physically reassure him the most. Mum read out a poem, which was suitably heartfelt if a little cringe (I still can't help but notice how 'common' Mum sounds) but the whole thing was just... It's hard to describe when time seems to simultaneously be like a blur, yet hang in achingly long threads at the same time.

Ben was as supportive as anyone could've been. He sat next to me, a row behind Ross, The Cousins and Charlotte, holding my hand the whole time (I initiated it - I needed it) and was literally my shoulder to cry on when the vicar said his closing words by Ian's coffin, outside in the English summer's afternoon. It was the first time I've cried since Ross had physically hurt me, earlier this summer. I needed the release. Charlotte cried too, draping herself around my stepbrother, which raised more than a few eyebrows - including from The Cousins, who exchanged some sort of knowing look.

So the whole thing was horrible. I don't see devastating events as opportunities to rekindle or reconnect with family; I see them for what they are - times of fucking awfulness. Ross was literally silent; he didn't cry but of course wasn't complaining about Charlotte being all over him. His lack of emotion, by NOT crying has made me wander how emotionally connected he really is - he's been in that hazy, nonchalant state for days now. Yet, people deal with grief in different ways. Whenever I look at him, it's impossible to forget the arrogant prick who enjoyed belittling me for years. However, it's intermingled with a sense of derision - knowing that I've overpowered and humbled this same, bullying jock, totally demeaning him. So it's a whole lot of things I think of when I look at him. Now with Charlotte being so close to him today (more on that later too), I've got that pang of jealously I used to have when I'd see him as the 'popular' one, for all those years. So my pity for him isn't as much as it could be, basically.

Onto the other stuff now. After the funeral we met with the family solicitor - yes, my Mum does have a ridiculous sense of timing - couldn't this have waited? Apparently not... Things are looking more alarming, financially speaking, than we first thought. While Ross went up to his room, with Charlotte (I was hoping she'd go home straight after the funeral, but no, her support for Ross continued...) I insisted on being at the meeting; it seemed important. It turns out that Ian has been 'creative' with his finances, with how he's been paying the mortgage, with our savings accounts for years. He's 'borrowed' money from different accounts in his name, all of which were based on shady investment deals he'd made.

Basically, we don't have any legal rights to any of Ian's fortune, because there isn't one. In the event of his death, the house needs to be remortgaged. There isn't anything left in his will for Mum or me. Though Ross, apparently, does have a protected savings account, which his Mum insisted YEARS ago, could not be touched by Ian. All of this is fucking scary and it has dominated everything... But at the same time it doesn't feel real. How could Ian fuck up this badly? Surely, there must be more to it. Steve (Ian's brother; The Cousins' Dad) came over and went through everything with Mum (I wasn't allowed to be part of that meeting) and actually stormed off, looking a bit guilty as he didn't even look at me, leaving Mum in a crumple of tears and rage.

Apparently, he's not able to fix things, despite what he said recently. He'd admitted that he had warned Ian about the dangerous investments and moving around of funds or whatever he was doing...but Ian wouldn't listen. Steve also has a bit of a grudge against Mum as he'd told her years ago that he'd 'Married down', by settling for her as his wife, after divorcing his first. He'd insinuated to Mum that she was never deserving of the money she thought she'd get from his 'Dead brother', essentially calling her a gold digger, who he had no intention of helping. What a total prick!

Charlotte slipped away from Ross's after an hour or so, her high heels in her hands as she strutted along the hallway. I called out to her but she told me, briefly, that she was in a rush and that we'd 'catch up soon' instead. I thought about confronting Ross to find out what was going on but Theo came over unexpectedly. He actually apologised, with flowers - which was something, even though it was late and he'd missed his chance after I'd told him the news initially. It was bad timing for him to meet Mum properly though; she briefly greeted him before busying herself with more of the financial stuff. He couldn't stay for long but he's coming over again tomorrow evening. I badly need him to distract me from all of this bullshit!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 50: 30th August 2003

Dear Diary,

Yep... three days without writing. Has it all been as miserable and awful as the last few entries? Well, yes and no. But there's no way of avoiding it - Ian has left us in the fucking shit. I've gone from feeling devastated to actually hating the bastard. He was selfish, stupid... what he's done has put us in a crap situation. Mum did know some of it - that explains why she insisted on us doing chores, rather than getting a maid, cleaners etc. I knew it was always bullshit that we were building 'character' by having to do jobs! To be fair, Mum did not know the full extent - she assumed we still had our savings and would be more than looked after for the future. How wrong she was...

Basically, we have to sell the house, pay off Ian's debts and use what little money we have left to get a small flat. By 'we' I mean Mum and I, as Ross is undecided about what he wants to do; he has the option to live with his Mum - which is not a great one, considering her mental state and meagre accommodation. He's also been offered to live with The Cousins (yep, Steve and Isabella are fully extending their protection to Ross and ONLY Ross!), or he can move in with wherever Mum and I go. I know that I could probably force him into doing what I want him to - even without my feet - but I don't know what that is. Do I want Ross moving in with us? It's going to be cramped as it is...

We had a viewing today for a two-bed. Yep, that's right, a fucking two bed! I mean, it made Ben's place look relatively large! Still, we have very limited options - we don't have other family on Mum's side to move in with and she hasn't worked for years (she didn't think she had to, with Ian's so-called wealth) and I'm going to be at Uni, so won't be around much over the next three years anyway.

Yes that's right. One of my worries was if I'd have to abandon my further education, forced to take on some crappy, minimum-wage job to support me and Mum. But we've worked it out - my student loan will cover just about everything - tuition fees and accommodation. I may have to get a part time job in Bournemouth (I'm trying not to think about that..., how excruciating!) at SOME point.

So, all of that is shit. And I don't know how I feel about Ross - my pity for him has waned, considering that HE still has a generous savings plan, which he can start dipping into once he officially starts University - though apparently, it's got a limited amount that can be used per year. How bloody lucky for him that he's all sorted... and has the option to live at The Cousins' place, who have an even bigger place than we were living in! Yes, he's lost his Dad but I can't help but feel resentful. I'm not thinking like THAT...no, the idea of torturing him (for pleasure, pain...either!) does NOT feel right. Plus, he was completely oblivious to our financial situation, just like I was. I haven't seen him much lately - when he's not locked away in his room, he's been at The Cousins; the whole family are clearly trying to 'look after him' but have given no shits for me or Mum.

Yes, they have made that crystal clear. All four of them - The Cousins and their parents - came over yesterday to collect Ian's personal belongings. Ian had collected some valuable African art, some vintage vinyl records, some other items which weren't technically ours, or the lawyers. This seemed mean-spirited to me - Mum and I could desperately use the money they could sell for. The Cousins barely even looked at me, hugging Ross and whispering in his ear, holding his hands and basically 'supporting' him. Steve and Isabella were no better, practically sneering at Mum as they took the more expensive bottles of wine, which they'd agreed with the solicitors were in their ownership... It was all quite cold, harsh and brief.

Right, enough on that.

Now, onto Theo...!


Seeing Theo was a much-needed distraction (in theory at least...) last night! He came over, with a bottle of wine in hand (a a promising start!), again not really seeing Mum who was going through some paperwork. Taking him up to my room, for the first and - probably last, considering we have to move out soon - time. Theo couldn't suppress how impressed he was by our home, admiring the huge size of my room and bed... which didn't actually help my frustrations about the financial situation.

Anyway, he poured the wine, while I slipped into something more comfortable. That ended up being a very short nightie...! When he turned back around (being such a gentleman for not looking), I couldn't help but giggle by how far his eyes widened. Forgetting the wine, we fell together onto the bed, him kissing me hungrily, ravenously and already sliding a hand up my thigh. I let him - I NEEDED this distraction and it was with happy sighs that I allowed him to start exploring my vagina.

My nightie was soon pulled off, my bra still on but my silky white panties were already loosened. His fingers were much more comfortable around my clitoris than my feet! He touched me in all the right places, stimulating me with such confidence and assurance that I felt wet within minutes. When I did come, I couldn't help but let out a small cry of pleasure. Theo looked pleased too - he'd clearly satisfied me, but there was also a smugness there...

Before he could even take a gulp of wine, I suddenly grabbed his shoulders and threw him back onto the bed.

"My turn...!" I giggled softly into his ear as I straddled him.

"Yours... don't you mean MY turn?" He grinned back at me, stretching his arms out and resting them contentedly behind his head, tucking a pillow behind as if to get comfortable. "So what are you going to do to repay the favour...?"

OK. I get it - I could have gone down on him; he'd done that to me twice already, plus with his fingers just then. But I thought I'd made this clear - I was happy to do what I was comfortable with. This whole reciprocal favour thing... it didn't sit well with me. On a much smaller scale, it reminded me of how I felt when Ben thought he was going to get something in return for rubbing my feet that first time...

Sliding down so I sat on his groin, I began shaking left to right, rhythmically to the sides so that I was starting to cause some wood to build in Theo's pants. He looked a little confused but seemed to be enjoying it at the same time...

"Kayla... No... not..." He suddenly looked alarmed called out as I quickly, expertly, pushed my legs forward so that my feet were in his face. Oh yeah! He complained, telling me this was not what he wanted.

He used his hands to wrench one foot from his face, giving me a warning look. "Kayla, this needs to be fair. I don't want you to..."

I cut him off, kicking his hand away and forcing my foot back over his face so both were covering him. While I did so, I loosened his belt and trousers, roughly unbuttoned his shirt, all whilst pushing and sliding my bare feet over his mouth and nose, using such force that his words became quickly muffled. Still, my boyfriend wasn't having it! I liked that, a challenge! He was strong - possibly not as strong as Ross, to be fair, but he had more of an iron will, whereas my stepbrother was always restricted and weakened by his foot-lust. Anyway, Theo managed to yank both of my feet off his face and swung my legs to one side, forcing some distance between us. I rolled along my bed (it is a super king size, after all...) while he caught his breath.

Pouting at him and putting on my best innocent face, I lay on my tummy, facing him, and dangled my bare soles in the air, in 'The Pose'.

"Aw, c'mon Theo! You love it really..." I giggled, while he folded his arms, his back now against the headboard away from me, the opposite side of the bed.

Clearing his throat and giving me a look, he kept his arms folded. "No, Kayla. I don't. What is this... some kind of foreplay that you feel you need to go through?"

I fluttered my eyelashes at him as I pushed myself back into a sitting position, while he eyed me warily. "Oh, Theo. You still don't get it. I thought I'd made things perfectly clear, last time. I decide what I want to do - it's that simple! You're going to get used to my feet, whether you want to or not..."

Before he could react, I hopped back onto him, my arse back over his groin and I held tightly onto each of his hands, pulling them forward so his face was pressed into my waiting soles, his back still against the headboard.

He let out a muffled, frustrated groan while I laughed, loving being in this position. I have to admit that the power, the control was like a drug... it made me feel ALIVE. As I stretched out my legs, my toes scrunched against his cheeks, forcing his back to slowly slink down. My bare soles were basically using his face as a pumice stone, his stubble feeling like the perfect pad to smooth them upon! Theo struggled some more until, finally, he stopped fighting me. Soon, his arms slackened as I loosened my grip, allowing his head back against the headboard. I took full control, placing my hands back either side of me, so I could exert even more force with my feet! I began sliding my arse around again (my silky white panties back on) from side to side, the gyrations causing him to feel increasingly erect under me.

With my feet still fully in his face, I eased up a bit, allowing him to breathe in the gaps between my toes; through them I could see his expression - it was definitely one of frustration!

"You see?" I told him with authority. "We do things MY way. If I want to rub my feet in your face, you just need to lie back and learn to love it!" I giggled again as I positioned one bare foot - the heel at his chin and the toes on his forehead - over his face. He merely grunted, deciding not to respond, as I used one hand to press against his semi-erect shaft, from the outside of his boxers.

"Still wanna fight me, or you want me to pleasure you?" I said, cocking my head to one side and slowly rubbing my hand along his groin, so that the tent there was becoming more prominent.

Theo stayed silent, but grunted - again - which indicated to me the latter...ha! Slowly, I peeled down his boxers. It was the first time I'd SEEN his penis - ANY penis in fact - and it was... well, they're not exactly nice... are they? It was pretty hairy down there but his cock was certainly standing to attention!

I teased him for longer, brushing my fingers oh-so-lightly against his cock, causing him to let out a small moan. That was music to my ears - it was like a lioness hearing a fallen gazelle cry out in pain. Putting my other foot in his face so both were there, I crossed them at the ankles, my toes tapping rhythmically in time to my strokes to his shaft. He'd clearly surrendered to me now - his hunger to have his urges satisfied his main priority... Unfortunately for him, it meant another orgasm with my bare feet in his face...

I released his cock as I felt him splurt his load, his moan of ecstasy somewhat muffled by my feet. After around twenty seconds of him climaxing, he cleared his throat after I slowly slid my feet away, dropping a few Kleenex tissues in front of him, which he slowly began to use to clean himself up.

"Well?" I asked him, lying down and casually putting my hands with my fingers locked behind the back of my head, mirroring the position he was in, before I decided to show him who was boss...

He cleared his throat again. "What is it... with your feet?" He was looking increasingly annoyed with me. "Once was... I dunno... but again?"

"I told you..." I let another giggle escape my lips as I got into a sitting position opposite him. "We do things my way. Don't you love it?"

Theo had been putting his boxers back on, re-buttoning his shirt, without me really noticing. "Maybe it's to do with your stepdad passing.... Maybe it's that you are just not mature enough... Whatever it is, I dunno... I think I need some time..."

I watched him go, feeling rather stunned as he put his trousers back on, not even looking at me or taking the wine, as he headed straight out of my house without another word. I sat there, not quite believing he would just bugger off like that. Maybe I had gone too far... Was I using this power as a type of drug, forcing it into a situation that wasn't really needed? Theo had been attentive to me in the bedroom with his tongue and his hands... Yet mentioning my stepdad was a low blow. Did he think that I was messed up, like a psycho? Should I have just had 'normal' sex with him?

Then again, he didn't even bother sending flowers, coming to the funeral... maybe deep down I was punishing him for this, whilst making myself feel more in control, with things being so up in the air - we don't even know when we have to move into a much, much smaller place to live! Another thing I've thought of is that I may be projecting onto Theo my frustrations about Ian (NOT in a sexual way about my deceased stepdad!) and Ross (my stepbrother spending time again with Charlotte and clearly having much better options than me and Mum)... Maybe that's going too Freudian!

So, things just seem like a mess. I'm not going to message Theo... yet. I've made it clear who's in charge. If he doesn't like it, then it's his issue! But last time he did apologise and things were better again... surely he'll see reason?

Love,
Kayla

Entry 50: 31st August 2003

Dear Diary,

For FUCK'S SAKE! Can things actually get any worse??

Theo has dumped me. The bastard didn't even do it in person, or the phone. A text message - yep, that's right! This is what he wrote, verbatim...


Kayla, this is not easy for me to say but I simply have to do it. I think you're a great girl and we've had some fun together. But the more I've thought about, I more I've realised that we're not right together. Please don't take it personally - like I said, you're a great girl. You'll meet someone who's right for you. Take care and I'd love us to stay in touch and be friends.



Bullshit. Everyone knows what the 'let's be friends' nonsense means. What a cowardly, spineless piece of shit! I know exactly why he's broken up with me - it's because he doesn't like the fact that I'm the dominant one, not him. Just because he's older, and possibly because he's sexist, he assumes that he has to be 'leading' the way, sexually. He's threatened by the fact that I'm confident and use my feet.

So this is what I messaged back - I was NOT being bullshitted easily:


Wow. You dump me via text? After my stepdad has died? Really classy, Theo. It makes sense actually - you clearly don't have the balls to be with a confident woman. You could be at least be honest and admit it's because you simply can't handle me being dominant. It's clear you're not a REAL man.


He hasn't messaged back, not on text nor on MSN. Part of me regrets being so blunt and emotional but I really couldn't believe it - considering Ian's sudden death and the whole financial mess (Theo didn't know about that part, to be fair). Worst of all though, I actually miss him. Already. I keep thinking about his Aidan Turner-esque hair and face... his strong arms; how he performed oral sex on me so skilfully... Last night with his clever fingers. Argggh!

I could send him another message. No Kayla, that would be fucking stupid. I'm not weak, not an immature brat that he seems to think I am. I'm smart, I'm sexy and I'll get over him. That's it, no more on Theo.

And that's not all. Just to make me feel even more upset, Charlotte seems to have dumped Ryan and is back with my stepbrother! Yep - one of the girls from school, Sam, who I've been messaging occasionally on MSN told me. They're properly back together, even doing gym sessions as a pair. What the actual fuck?! I even sent her text, asking her what happened with Ryan and that it was 'nice' to see her back with my stepbrother. She just replied "Thanks." Really?!

One good thing I can say is that lovely Jess is back from Malta. The timing couldn't be better - I'm going over to hers (as in to hers AND Ben's) later. Yes, that's right, he has been trying to pin me down to see me since the funeral. So it makes sense to see them together; it won't be a ganging-up-on-Ben situation like last time the three of us were together (probably not, as last time, that was extremely funny!).

Love,
Kayla

Entry 51: 1st September 2003

Dear Diary,

Last night was interesting... In lots of ways, it was FUN - I needed that! When I got over to Jess and Ben's, they each gave me a hug. Jess had been kind and thoughtful with messages, once she'd heard from Ben about my Stepdad passing. She'd even bought me a silver anklet - not only is it really cute, but funny too, as Ben turned scarlet at it. Jess is just the best!

Their Mum was heading out but she was her usual fussy self, checking on how Mum and I were doing, assuring me that her, Jess and Ben were all here for her. She seemed to have moved past the 'phase' of thinking Ben and I were dating, thank God! Though it did irk me a bit when she mentioned Sarah's name.

"Ben, love. Remember that Sarah's coming over tomorrow. You picked out that nice top from M&S, didn't you?" She seemed to make a reference to this, just for my benefit. Ben shifted awkwardly and mumbled an assent, which Jess smirked at.

"I still can't believe my little bro actually has a girlfriend..." She teased as she elbowed Ben in ribs, him shooting her a dark look in return. I'd missed these two together! There was something warm and familiar about their dynamic. As Ben's Mum departed, Jess took me by the hand straight to the kitchen where she'd already made us each a Cosmopolitan.

"The best way to deal with a bereavement is vast quantities of alcohol..." Jess grinned at me as we clinked glasses. Ben looked on, pouring himself a Bacardi and coke (not exactly the most macho drink) but I did find it amusing that Jess did the cocktails just for us two girls.

Jess told me all about Malta, about the different bars and restaurants she went to. She traveled with some of her Uni friends from Bournemouth, who I'm going to meet soon! We moved on to when I would have my first visitor, including when Theo would first come and visit... To that, I told her the truth - that Theo and I were not actually together anymore. The words hung in the air - it felt so final to say it out loud. I hadn't told anyone up until then; Mum had been so busy and I didn't feel like there was anyone else I could simply message that to.

Ben nearly dropped his drink, taking a moment to compose himself before he sat down with us in the living room. He'd been standing around in the kitchen, looking a bit put out that Jess had taken over as the host - again! Jess rubbed my shoulder and told me some sympathetic things while Ben cleared his throat, asking if that meant I was officially single or not, whilst giving me an awkward smile.

"Yes, I am single!" I declared, sipping the cocktail. "Single and ready for action!"

Jess giggled. "Oh at Bournemouth you're gonna meet so many people...." Her words trailed off as she glared at Ben, asking what his problem was. Her brother babbled a bit about it all not having to be about Bournemouth so much, though he did backtrack, adding that he didn't mean to be rude like 'last time', to which Jess smirked at, pouncing on this! She giggled as she reminded Ben that he had a girlfriend, and that meant he couldn't simply go around rubbing other girls' feet! She strolled to the kitchen to make me and her another round of cocktails. Ben looked embarrassed by her comments, as tension built in the air.

"Oh sure..." I winked at Ben, who blushed an even deeper crimson. "Now Ben's dating Sarah, rubbing my feet would just be weird..."

Jess giggled again as she returned with our drinks. Clinking our glasses, she raised a toast to not having a boyfriend, to being free and not tied down! We gulped down more cocktails - her more quickly than me - before I asked her about anyone she was interested in; of course, I hadn't forgotten about that awkward moment we had last time. My instincts may have been right - as Ben looked almost triumphant when it was HIS sister's turn to blush. Jess managed to move the conversation on and we ended up chatting more about Bournemouth, Jess remembering what she did in her Fresher's Week. Ben listened attentively, somewhat grudgingly too, as he's also starting Uni soon of course.

After a couple more drinks, I was feeling the most relaxed (not counting the sexual part of the evening with Theo recently...) than I had since before Ian's heart attack. Jess was just so much fun to be around; she showed us this drinking game with a coin. It was hilarious - Ben kept losing so had to do a few shots, until he surrendered and lost the game, which meant another shot for him to down! I just kept winning the games, which meant I didn't have to do any additional shots. So, I was able to enjoy my cocktails, drink pretty much at my leisure while the two siblings got more and more wasted... This wasn't my plan, but it's what happened.

"Ben, can I ask you something?" Jess suddenly turned to her brother, a glint in her eye and her drink spilling a little. "Do you rub Sarah's feet? Like you used to with Kayla? Or have you skipped the whole 'Ooh, I wanna give you foot massages because I really like you!' phase and started getting lucky? Do you wish you'd bought Kayla an anklet too? Ha, that's actually a lot of questions...!" She giggled while Ben glowered at her.

Ben told her that this was none of her business, slurring his words somewhat whilst taking another swig of his drink, before staring at my bare feet for a few seconds. Jess snorted. "HA! You can't even answer a fucking question! You're such a loser Ben - you're crap at drinking. Maybe you realised that with Sarah, your girlfriend, that rubbing her feet would friend-zone you. At least you've learned that foot rubs are for losers... "

"Ben's foot massages are the fucking best!" I couldn't help but say. "Don't listen, Ben... You are AMAZING at rubbing feet and that doesn't make you a loser..." I grinned at him. "You'd give me one now, wouldn't you Ben?"

Jess rolled her eyes at me as she rested a hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, right. Since he's started dating Sarah, she's ALL he talks about. When I was in Malta..." She hiccuped a little. "In Malta, I phoned him and she was all he talked about! No offence Kayla, but he's, like, over you already..."

It was all I needed to hear. I was a bit drunk, but not to the point that I was out of control. I focused on Ben, crossing one leg over the other and dangling one foot in front of him, showing my sole.

"Wow Ben... it must feel so good, being so OVER me. Being such a loyal, faithful boyfriend to Sarah..." I locked my eyes into his, raising an eyebrow.

Ben let out a small groan, before doing another shot and slumping back in his seat, saying something about being sorry, that he was a good boyfriend to Sarah. Jess snorted and rolled her eyes again, stating that Ben was such a lightweight and loser, and that it was start to play another game. Her energy just makes her so much fun to be around! Jess skipped back to the bar and made three more drinks - which included one for Ben.

"Now for this game..." She began, passing us the drinks, a devilish smile on her lips. "It's really simple. Last one to down their drink then has to drink ALL three of the next round's drinks..." Ben groaned again at this. "Or, do whatever the fastest drinker says!"

I obviously LOVED the sound of this game. Jess and I had beaten and out-drank Ben in every single game so far, plus he was pretty much incoherent. Predictably, he lost, by at least half a drink. Jess won, which was a shame as I had some great ideas for what Ben could do... But I wasn't that drunk, to be honest and didn't want to risk forgetting anything from tonight!

"Right, loser. What's it to be?" Jess hiccuped. "Three drinks for you, or you do my dare?"

Ben was pretty much passed out at this point; he couldn't even speak! So Jess laughed at her brother as she helped him out of his chair and easily pushed him into a crawling position. She sat on his back and rode him like a pony, while I shrieked with laughter and nearly fell over on the floor. Ben's knees soon buckled and he collapsed on the floor at my feet, Jess tumbling over in a heap too.

He murmured something incoherent about "Kayla", "love" and "feet"... but too quietly for Jess to hear. Ben then promptly passed out, his eyes closed and mouth opened.

"Well, as he's such a lightweight loser, he can be our footrest!" I declared - so I did get to have some foot fun after all!

Jess of course loved the idea as we snuggled next to one another on the sofa, our feet outstretched and resting on Ben's unconscious body. I rubbed each of my bare soles in Ben's face (the irony - he would have KILLED to be awake for this!!) while Jess giggled hysterically. We swapped positions so that she could rub her feet in her brother's face too, even shoving her toes in his open mouth and letting out an 'ew' when they were covered in drool. Jess decided it was a good time to put the anklet she bought me on; I happily kept my foot steady on Ben's face so she could secure it. I'm still wearing it now - it's lush! Jess nestled into me, babbling something unclear. At one point she said: "I... like..." but she soon passed out on me. I was feeling shattered - more from tiredness than alcohol as I really hadn't drank that much. So we both ended up falling asleep together, our four feet resting on Ben's face.

Waking up was extremely funny... It wasn't even that late in the evening and Ben's Mum hadn't come back, but Ben was letting out muffled moans, which caused my feet to kick him hard in the face, which then woke me up.

"Oh, hi Ben!" I grinned down at him, sliding my feet off him. "Great evening, you OK down there?"

He let out a weak groan, his sister's feet still resting in his face. With some struggle, he managed to wrest them away from him, looking mortified. "I...er... what...?"

"Well you lost a drinking game and had to be our footrest basically..." I told him, a little sleepily. I was feeling good though; although I'd fallen asleep, it wasn't really due to alcohol, so no hangover! He swore quietly to himself, clearly frustrated about what had happened. "While you're down there..." I smirked at him, stretching contentedly, Jess still asleep on me.

Ben swallowed thickly. "Your...your feet...?" To which I nodded briefly.

Of course my loyal little foot pet rubbed my feet, even making sure to slide his fingers up and down my new silver anklet. Even though he'd been an unconscious foot rest to me and his own sister, plus he was clearly hungover and embarrassed, he couldn't resist. I sighed and checked my phone, while he dutifully rubbed at my feet, making my arches feel so refreshed.... my soles were feeling so silky smooth. While he slid his forefinger between my toes, he suddenly asked if I was officially single.

I stared at him. "Yep. Single again. I just need a man who can handle my feet... that isn't too proud... Hey, I'm sure I'll meet someone soon!"

He paused, holding my feet still for a moment. Clearing his throat, he began asking something but stopped abruptly as Jess stirred. Hastily, he dropped my feet and painfully pushed his way to his feet.

Mumbling something sleepy and incoherent, Jess rubbed her head and stretched before giving her brother a confused look. "What did...?" She turned to me and stretched her arms out some more.

"I'm, er... going to bed..." Ben declared, giving me a hasty wave, before he could be interrogated by his sister. Jess's memory was hazy - luckily for Ben, the last thing she remembered was teasing him about Sarah and seeing him passed out on the chair. It seemed like a good time to go, so I called for a taxi and helped her take the glasses to the kitchen.

When I hugged her goodbye, Jess's hands lingered around my waist for a few seconds. "You're the best..." she told me, before letting me go and waving me goodnight.

So, definitely an interesting evening! Ben is clearly about to break... should I tell him that I'm not interested? Or does part of me actually need him, and not just as a foot pet? With Jess, it's complex. It may be that she just really likes me as a friend, but I can't ignore those signs.

The best thing about the evening is that it DEFINITELY helped take my mind off all of the crap I've been going through!

Love,
Kayla

Entry 52: 3rd September 2003

Dear Diary,

So it's all decided and sorted - we're going to be moving into a shitty little 2-bed flat in just a few days. Our house has been valued by the government; they're then going to sell it and will use the money - which turns out to be almost the entire value of it, over a million quid - to pay off Ian's debts. We can't even afford a deposit to buy a new place - yep we're having to rent and even that used up the money that was left - admin fees, transactional fees, all that stuff JUST to be bloody renting. It's fucking shit!

We saw Ross earlier today - neither of us had seen him much lately as he'd either been at The Cousins' or at Charlotte's - he came by to sort out his room. He deliberately avoided me and barely acknowledged Mum, who was chatting to him about what he wants to do. Although he wasn't trying to bully me, he did seem different. More assured than I've seen him in months! Anyway, Mum made it clear to him that he's welcome to move in with us (I told her later that he is NOT allowed to sleep in MY new room!) but understands if he'd rather move in at The Cousins' instead, or his Mum's. The latter is not looking likely, as that would be the most meagre option of all for him. He also updated Mum with his finances (I hung around to hear about this...).

I'm annoyed with my stepbrother because this bursary he gets, as part of his basketball scholarship, means that he'll have ample spending money. He won't even need a full student loan - that means he can afford his accommodation, fees and have money to spare without racking up much debt. PLUS the savings account that was protected for him means he can dip into that too. He seemed matter-of-fact about this but I'm sure I noticed a smirk from him when Mum explained that all I had was the basic student loan. So no real spending money AND a massive student loan debt for me... Great! I tried to steer him into my bedroom so I could find out what had been happening with Charlotte, but he made a hasty retreat and Mum chided me for delaying him. I later asked Mum outright if HE could pay for a deposit - that he could afford to etc. She impatiently told me this was not even an option - that the money is not even all available at once - that it is released to him gradually. Plus, it wasn't fair on him to sacrifice his future - he'd done nothing wrong! I thought about telling her the truth about him but would good would that do? It would most likely just make things worse and make me look like the bad guy.

Ben has been a good little pet for me, at least. He was over yesterday, listening to me tell him about our financial mess - he's the only one that I feel that I can confide in, while he lovingly rubs my feet of course! When I was complaining about how crap our new place was going to be, he looked uncomfortable and gently explained that HIS place was pretty basic, that it was only a 3-bed, and that they were all OK.

"I know, Ben," I told him, trying to be patient. "But I'm used to this...." I gestured around in the living room - as Ben looked from our ornate cabinets, huge widescreen TV, the entire space probably similar in square footage to his Mum's entire home. And all of it shortly to be sold to pay off my deceased stepfather's debts! "I've been here for over four years, so of course it's going to be a step down for me!"

He ended up agreeing - and inevitably, backtracking - apologising for being insensitive. I brushed this off, telling him that he was so amazing at rubbing my feet I didn't really mind. In fact, he is actually even better than Ross was - and I didn't think that was possible (not that I told Ben this!). Ben stayed around for a couple of hours while Mum was out; I deliberately didn't want to have to explain to her that Ben wasn't my boyfriend and what had happened with Theo etc. Nope, I have not told her anything about Theo dumping me! As well as making my feet feel amazing, he also invited me to a party at Tammy's - the same girl who hosted the one I went with him to before. She's throwing a party as a celebration for getting into Uni.

I couldn't help but giggle at him, asking why he was asking me instead of his girlfriend, Sarah. He reddened at this, explaining that Sarah was already going to the party and that Tammy had actually asked him to invite me. I couldn't help but tease him, asking him who he would choose out of me or Sarah, if he were to ask just one of us to the party....this got him flustered and babbling, of course! With my feet in his hands, him kneeling before me (it was a better angle than the sofa, which he was sitting at initially), it made it all the more amusing torturing him! I finally relented, happily accepting the invite - from Tammy of course, as he was clearly choosing Sarah to go with him... Hehe!

Apparently Charlotte is going too - Ben thought I'd be happy with that as I'd told him before about our gym sessions. Maybe I am in a way - I could finally get a chance to find out what's going on, why she's abruptly ditched me and is back with Ross. She hasn't messaged me for ages, not even on MSN. I assume that means my stupid stepbrother is going to the party too then! Other people who I've been chatting to have casually mentioned that Ross and Charlotte are such a 'cute couple'. For fuck's sake!

So, this party is a chance. A chance to put things right and it is something to look forward to, after all the crap that I've gone through these past couple of weeks! I can speak to Charlotte, put things right with her. I may even make it clear to her that Ross isn't worth bothering with... harsh as it sounds, especially with him losing his Dad, it still doesn't seem fair that he's got his whole future sorted while mine looks so uncertain. I want things to go back to how they were a couple of weeks ago basically.

I've ran out of room in this volume so next time it will be Part 7!!

Love,
Kayla

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