Good News!

“Where am I? I need to get out of here!”

“Easy now Mr. Winkle. I need you to get back in bed.”

“Why! I don’t know who you think you are but I have rights!”

“Yes, yes you do. However, while you may have rights, you currently don’t have on any clothes.”

“Humffff. That will change soon enough. Just wait until my people find out that you’re keeping me here against my will. Any who are all these people?”

“Well, we had to come up with a way to pay for your medical needs. It turns out, that people will pay to see someone that has been in a coma for as long as you. We bring in tour groups twice a day. It’s been a big success and help to fund the salad bar extension in the restaurant downstairs.”

“This is an outrage!”

“Mr. Winkle, I’m not sure you understand what has happened here. You have been in a coma for a very long time.”

“What!? How long? Is this some type of prank?”

“I’m afraid not. You fell into a coma about 30 years ago and have been in a near vegetative state ever since. In fact, you waking up now has taken nearly all of us by surprise. Only Jenkins picked you in betting pool to ever wake up.”

“Jenkins? Who is he? The head of surgery or some such thing?”

“No, Jenkins, or Bed-Pan Jenkins as he is known around here, is basically a miscellaneous employee that does odd jobs for the hospital.”

“This is an outrage. Bring me some clothes and a phone. My people will come fetch me and then there will be hell to pay.”

“Mr. Winkle, I still think you don’t understand. You have been here for over thirty years. You are gravely ill. Your medical condition is something no one has ever seen before. Everyone that you know is long gone. Your business faded into obsolescence a decade ago. You have no people to call.”

“My family?”

“Gone.”

“My fortune?”

“Gone.”

“This has to be the worst day of my life.”

“Cheer up Mr. Winkle. Yes, you are poor and alone and will almost certainly die very soon but there is always a bright side to any situation.

“Yeah? What’s my bright side? Tell me something to lift my spirits.”

“Well.....We had a vote last month and it’s unanimous. We’re going to name a disease after you.”