My Heart Belongs To Him Forever

I've never been the best person to talk about love and relationships since I've never actually been in one myself. I see myself alone at the age of 19 with no one to love or care for. I've never been good at talking to boys, always too shy when they start talking to me. The only way I've really ever been able to communicate with one was when I was helping him with his homework. I used to help out a lot of people in my math class, I guess you could consider me a tutor. I was always able to express with numbers or answers to homework. I was able to describe how to solve problems, but I was never good at expressing my feelings towards the opposite sex.

I'm sure many people have felt the way that I do. They see the challenge and yet they can't conquer their fears. I wouldn't consider myself ugly, that's far from the truth. I'm quite pretty, just not "hot" enough for any guy. I guess I'm more the girl next door, more plain than glamorous. I just can't help it. I was never really into makeup and shoes and accessories and clothes. I was more into reading, drawing, even writing. No wonder I was so shy, I was always too self conscious and considered myself less than average. I always compared myself to other girls my age, saying that they were way more pretty than me or more outgoing than me which is why they were dating and I wasn't. Maybe this was true, but I don't really know for sure. I never really met a guy in person that actually liked me. Now I'm not looking for sympathy when I say this. I guess I'm not the type of girl that attracts guys. Maybe I don't smile enough, or maybe I don't wear enough make up.

Maybe I don't show enough interest in the opposite sex, though I'm quite sure I've surpassed the "boy crazy" level of living. Everywhere I go I'm always on the look-out for a cute guy. It doesn't matter where I am, if I see a cute guy I like to watch him a bit, glance in his direction every once in a while. I've always wanted to go on an actual date though I never have, unless you call an unexpected double date that never really was a double date to begin with. Anyway, I'm not that lucky when it comes to love and relationships. I'm actually not that lucky to begin with. All I want is to meet a guy that likes me for who I am. Lately I find it much easier to just talk to random guys online. This has become my new-found passage into the flirting world.

When I'm online I can be whoever I want, though I'm always myself. I never put on a show. I am direct and forward but way more open than when I'm around any guy. I always say what's on my mind. Maybe I use this as a window of opportunity to meet Mr. Right. I'm not exactly sure what the purpose of all these meetings is. Mostly I just find comfort in talking to these guys, as well as a lot of sympathy when I tell them that I've never actually dated. When I actually show them a picture of myself they think I'm crazy that I've never dated. They never believe me, but who would. They'd have to know me in person to think otherwise. It's not like I've never kissed a guy, that's a whole other story. I have kissed a guy, one single, cute guy, but that kiss is a kiss I will always remember.

It was my first real kiss and it was special. It was sweet and wonderful though I knew nothing would ever come from it. The guy was pretty drunk at the time which led me to conclude that there was no future for the two of us. I wish that kiss had lasted forever, but it didn't. I'm going on, living my life with one kiss in the back of my mind playing over and over. At least it's something, though it's not everything. Getting back to my point, I've met plenty of guys online. Some of them were creeps and some have been so very sweet and sympathetic. Those that have been sympathetic have listened to all of my problems, even helped me out with them.

To these guys, I owe you greatly. If not for you, I would be still wallowing in my own self pity. Those guys were even sweet once they saw my picture. They think I'm attractive, cute, "hot" as they so bluntly put it. Some of these guys were even hot, but there's on in particular that I love with all of my heart. My heart belongs to him, forever. He has been the sweetest one of all. We have so much in common that it's scary. But anyways, we met so very long ago and have been chatting since the day we met. He understands me, he knows everything about me and that's what I love most about him. I think I'm in love, scratch that, I know I'm in love. But I'm in love with a guy that I barely know, even though I feel like I know him so well. It may sound crazy but it's true, and to him I give my heart. It belongs to him and it always will.