My feelings'

My heartache needs feeling, not being able to feel the love of others is bland. Colors have no meaning in my visions, I cry black and white to feel needed. broken down because of my unique appearance. Smiling is just a cover of my pain inside my head to be social.
DO YOU GET IT?
My feeling eats me from the outside in... unbalancing me to be equal as, society want me to be, can I just feel whats withing me; not because of love but because of hurt. I'm alone inside my head that keeps speaking to me.
free writing keeps me alive, taking my thoughts out my head and out to the world so I don't hurt myself. been me takes me places I don't want to be, judged by my peers because I'm different and unloved. not physically but mentally.
DO YOU GET IT?
Understanding what's wrong with being me, my biggest challenge but I feel like writing gets me... just writing because my feeling is crowding my head and it's in need of space and harmony...