The Fire

It's here. It's always here. Clawing at the back of my throat, making even breathing difficult. It suffocates me; radiates from me even. I feel it deep in my soul, like a black fire that burns inside me and creeps up my throat, seething from my body in waves. This fire doesn't radiate warmth though; instead, silence. My silence kills me. I feel myself drowning in these tumultous waves that overlap me; seeking to swallow me altogether. The black fire ignites my surrondings, anywhere I may choose to go; there's no running from this monster. There's no escaping my silence. It's eternal. Ifeel it's presence at all times, it's weight around my body and it's fingers viced around my neck. There is no escape; i'm a prisoner of my silence. It's the loudest thing about me. It rings and roars in my ears, threatening to drive me mad. I drag it around, an unwelcome guest that I can't seem to drive away. It's hard to win a war when so ignorant of your opponent.... It's up to me to lead this battle, only I can abolish my burden. It's also hard to win if you're unsure a victory is even desired. Although both deafening and madding, my silence comforts me. It's my sheild; I call upon it to hide behind. I've been lost in the mute waves so long, I don't know how to do much more than keep a float. The fire has been raging inside of me for so long, I'm afraid there's nothing more than ashes left. I am my silence. I'm afraid if I let theses flames go out, I'll be nothing. Without my silence, who am I?