5 Letters in Your Name

I tried to write his name in the title and even that was enough to make me start to stress sweat and frantically delete the five letters that represent the person I hate to be so connected to. It's funny how some things blindside you as you walk through life. This is a little different though, because I can't say I was blindsided if I'm completely honest. I actually knew from a rather young age that I felt a connection to him, but he didn't know it or even know who I was. I know that sounds so weird and creepy, but I promise it isn't - I'll explain in the least boring way I can come up with. I was 11 when I first saw him, I wouldn't actually meet him for another 11 years. I was shocked by the wave of nerves and butterflies that took over me when I didn't even know him. I chalked it up to a few things - I was a hormonal preteen, he was older, he was my friends older brother, being a young teen is weird, etc. I couldn't stop myself from being a casual observer of him though, I hadn't felt that way before. I was a quiet, introverted kid so there was no way I would ever try to introduce myself or attempt to draw any sort of attention to myself - I was comfortable simply observing and wondering about him. He lived in the neighborhood next to my house, so I'd hear his name come up randomly and I'd try acting normal when in reality my interest was piqued. As I got older there would be random times through conversation or social media where he would come up and that nervous energy and desire to know him would come up and I would sometimes indulge but then push it aside. When it would happen when I was older in high school I would actually get upset/irritated and convince myself that he was pretentious and stupid (without knowing him, still). That irritation would only happen after the thoughts of wanting to seduce him away from his girlfriend at the time, naturally.