Kalyan and My Mews

Full Counts All Words: 774

"Once upon a time, there was a cat."

"Aha. You said you're writing this for the Intentionally Bad Story Contest," Kalyan interrupted. "Well, I already know it's going to be a bad story."

"Kalyan, just because you hate cats ..."

"Everyone in their right mind hates cats."

Kalyan is my friend. I often bounce my story ideas off him. He has two eyes, two ears and two legs. He was wearing a brown shirt that day.

I write stories and this story was about a cat. Kalyan hates cats. He thinks people who like cats aren't in their right minds. I hastened to correct this notion.

"I am in my right mind," I asserted, firmly. "And I don't hate cats. Now will you let me continue?"

"If you must," he sighed.

I noticed, however, that Kalyan had his smartphone ready. He was holding it in one of his two hands. He was going to start checking his Whatsapp as soon as I began. I sighed and began anyway, trying to be loud enough to drown out his Whatsapp.

"Once upon a time, there was a cat. It had four legs, two ears, a pair of eyes and a tail. It loved chasing mice. There was a mouse living in the mouse-hole nearby. The mouse had a pair of ears, two eyes, four legs and a tail. When the cat chased it, it ran into its mouse-hole. One day, the mouse challenged the cat to a race. If it won, the cat would stop chasing it. The cat didn't want to accept the challenge because it knew that the mouse was actually a faster runner. The mouse, on its four legs, managed to outrun the cat and reach the mouse-hole every time the cat chased it. The cat thought it couldn't accept the mouse's challenge. The cat asked Kalyan ..."

"HEY!" Kalyan was startled out of his Whatsapp. He turned his one head toward me again, and stared at me with his two eyes. "Not fair putting me in a story about cats. I hate cats." He put his smartphone into his pocket with his five fingers.

"I know you hate cats, that is something clever I've put in the plot," I responded, smugly. "It's the cat's whiskers part of it. The cat has five whiskers on each side."

"I hate cats," Kalyan stated, firmly and decisively.

"I know," I responded, equally decisively and equally firmly. "That's the best part of the story. You are going to trick the cat."

"I am?" Both Kalyan's eyes twinkled. He smiled with his lips.

"You are," I replied. "At the end of the story, you are going to stick the cat in the mouse-hole and the mouse will be laughing outside."

"Okay, listen, I wasn't paying attention the first time. Will you start over?" Kalyan said, apologetically.

"Sure," I replied, forgivingly. "Once upon a time, there was a cat. It had four legs, two ears, a pair of eyes and a tail. It loved chasing mice. There was a mouse living in the mouse-hole nearby. The mouse had a pair of ears, two eyes, four legs and a tail. When the cat chased it, it ran into its mouse-hole. One day, the mouse challenged the cat to a race. If it won, the cat would stop chasing it. The cat didn't want to accept the challenge because it knew that the mouse was actually a faster runner. The mouse, on its four legs, managed to outrun the cat and reach the mouse-hole every time the cat chased it. The cat thought it couldn't accept the mouse's challenge. The cat asked Kalyan ..."

"What did the cat ask me?" It was surprising, astonishing indeed, the change that had come over Kalyan. Forgotten was the Whatsapp in his pocket, having been put there with his five fingers, some time earlier.

"What do you want the cat to ask you? I haven't written that part yet," I replied, sheepishly.

"You said you'd written the whole story," Kalyan accused, accusingly.

"Not the question part," I confessed, confessingly.

"Well, then, since I'm a graduate of the Indian Institute of Management," he said, modestly, "let the cat ask me something technical."

"What's technical got to do with management?" I asked, questioningly.

"Nothing," he replied, smilingly.

"Oh!" I gasped, gaspingly.

"See the cleverness?" he asked, cleverly.

"I do! That's why you're going to help this mouse outwit the cat," I said, smiling-backily.

Well, to cut a long tale short (that's a story-tale, not a mouse tail or cat tail), the cat won at the end. I have to figure out how it happened, but it did.

The end.



"Winners!"  

"Intentionally Bad Story Contest"